Chapter 40 I Don't Know How I Feel

Chapter 40 I Don't Know How I Feel
Andrew's finger seemed to have a spell on it, suddenly making me obedient just like that. I knelt at Andrew's feet, and a strong grip was between my jaws. With a sharp look, he said that he was the one who had moved Collin so that I wouldn't try to see him again.
Then I regained consciousness, but it was too late to escape that strong grip. When I tried to push his hand away, Andrew's strength was far greater than anything I had ever encountered. Is this because he's overcome by emotion?
"Let me go," I said firmly, but unfortunately, Andrew didn't budge. The veins in his hands are clearly visible.
Because Andrew wouldn't listen to me, I used both hands to pry his grip loose, and again, I couldn't stop him. Is Andrew too strong, or am I just weak right now? Why do I feel like Andrew is so strong right now? So what should I do to get him to release this painful grip?
I'm trying to think; this emotion started with Lucy revealing my existence to the public; they had argued before. Perhaps he came to see me, but I wasn't in my room, so he got angry because he guessed I was trying to meet Collin.
"If you're angry at Lucy, don't take it out on me." Unexpectedly, my words caused Andrew's eyes to tremble.
"Do you want to hurt me again? How many times have you taken me to the hospital? Bruises, dripping blood, and children disappearing because of your emotions. Don't you ever feel sorry for me? Why don't you just kill me already? You traumatized me and drove me crazy, and I found our terrified children in my dreams." I spoke through sobs, my voice rising and turning into a chest-tightening scream.
"You met our children?".
"Yes, they're afraid of you. To them, you are the monster who killed them, who hurt their mothers. Your heart is as cold as ice, untouched even, let alone being hugged for the last time; you never even acknowledged them." This time Andrew's grip loosened.
"Are they afraid of me?"
"Yes. You didn't give them a chance to live. When they were declared dead, you were even reluctant to look at them." At that moment, his hand slipped from my cheek, leaving a lingering ache.
"I feel lost too, and I'm sad too, but what can I do? That's their fate, and I can't bring them back to life." Andrew's words were so soft; he looked regretful, but those were not the right words for me.
"You said fate? True, if only her father wasn't you, if only her father was a man who could control his emotions and not a man with a rough temper like you, it seems they would still be alive and..." A hard slap hit my cheek.
"So, who do you want their father to be? Collin?" The look in his eyes returned to being fiery.
"Don't bring his name into this. I'm talking about us."
"I told you I regret it. I've fulfilled all your requests; I haven't touched you roughly like I usually do; I've held back with all my heart and mind. Is it still difficult for you to forgive me? Or have you already fallen in love with another man?" Andrew's words were like a bolt of lightning. I don't know where my heart is headed right now either. I know I love Andrew, but Collin is so hard to ignore after all his kindness to me.
"This isn't the time to talk about feelings. I want to be free, I want to heal, divorce me, and let me find a new life." This is my sincere request, an intention since the first time we left our home and let go of this relationship.
"Why are you so good at talking now? Who is the woman in front of me right now? I only knew the gentle and obedient Matilda, not the rebellious one because she has mastered martial arts now."
"Matilda is dead, and you killed her. Since I left our home, I've been determined to become a new person, much stronger than before." But Andrew just clicked his tongue. He stood up from his seat and put both hands in his trouser pockets.
"You are truly different, but finding this version of yourself makes me want to keep pursuing you." That statement made me look up; I couldn't be oppressed anymore, so I moved to fight back.
We were engaged in a struggle for a while, and I still felt Andrew was so strong that I was pushed onto the bed and Andrew was on top of me.
My breath was ragged, and I was truly locked in now. This position is very unfavorable for me; I can't move at all.
"I'm really looking forward to our hot activities in bed like we used to. And you should know it's already very tense down there, but I'm annoyed right now. So I'll let you go this time." Andrew grinned, saying he would let me go, but he still held my hand, which was trying to push him away.
"Remember, never expect a divorce. No matter which court you take it to, you'll never get what you want. And don't contact that doctor again if you don't want him to die a foolish death." That statement sounded scary.
"I won't have anything to do with him again; I won't get close to him again. As long as you free him and return him to his original place. Let it return to life as usual. He has suffered too much because of me; now let him return to his peaceful life like before." Unconsciously, tears welled up in my eyes, and Andrew hated seeing this even more.
"You've already fallen in love with him. Those words seemed to come from the mouth of a woman begging for her lover to be saved." Andrew rose, freeing me from the embrace of his large, heavy body.
"I don't love him; I only consider him a brother. Just like you and Lucy, just like your feelings for Lucy. If you think that's the wrong thing to do, then let's both let them go from our lives." I also got out of bed and sat.
"Don't compare it to my relationship with Lucy. I'm bound by a promise to her older brother. If he had never saved my life, I wouldn't have kept Lucy by my side," Andrew stated firmly.
"Please just release Collin," I said stubbornly. Perhaps I really can't let go of Andrew, so let Collin go back to his old life, and let Anthony remain the village's golden boy as he always was. I'm starting to give up; I'm surrendering. I might never be able to escape all the power Andrew has.
"Okay, I will grant it. But can you guarantee that your feelings will stay the same as before, with only me in your heart?" I fell silent. I didn't feel any deep feelings for Collin, but Andrew realized something I didn't. Am I really starting to like Collin as a man?