Chapter 32

THE HORIZON is a bit cloudy today, and Justin thought that the sky must be sympathizing with their gloomy feelings. After all, heaven saw it all. They knew the truth from the start. That’s why they made their paths crossed again—to correct what’s wrong and start a new beginning.

He looked up at the darkened sky and sighed. They were sitting on one of the benches in the orphanage playground, both looking up at the sky. “Do you think it will rain today?”

Penelope didn’t answer, and it’s unusual for her. It’s unusual for the woman that never closes her mouth when talking to him. From the time that he arrived here at the orphanage, Penelope hasn’t talked to him.

Justin stared at her. When she noticed he’s staring, she looked down and stared at the ground. When he arrived here and found out that it was her who wanted to talk to him, he was shocked and for a moment doesn’t know what to say. “You know what I realized?” When she didn’t respond he continued. “Now I realized why the cloverleaf carvings on the chairs in Uncle Johnny’s café looked so familiar to me.” He laughed half-heartedly. “Because it was the same cloverleaf embroidered on Vince’s blanket…”

“I’m sorry…” Penelope said and started to cry. “I’m sorry, Justin…”

“Why are you saying sorry to me?” he asked. He wanted to hold her, comfort her, and wipe her tears, but he controlled himself. “The person that you need to apologize to is Vince, and not me.”

Penelope wept in tears. “I know… What I’ve done to him is unforgivable. Vince doesn’t deserve a mother like me. He won’t forgive me, and I will accept it.”

Justin tried his best to fight his tears from falling. “Vince was still a baby when I first saw him at nursery. He was so frail and thin because of prematurity and health condition. I wanted to be his foster father, but Sister Coleen told me that with his condition, they decided to not include him in the fostering care.” Tears started to stream down his cheeks. “I see myself to Vince. I was also abandoned by my own mother and left me. But Vince’s lucky because you brought him here… unlike my mother, she just left me beside the bridge.”

“I was drunk and got raped…” Penelope started. “I was eighteen then, and I wanted to die because the man that I wanted to be with doesn’t love me.” She laughed bitterly. “I know, you’ll say that it’s the most stupid reason that you heard, and I admit that. I made a monster inside me.”

He took her hands and gave them a squeeze. Justin hoped that somehow, it could lessen the burden inside her chest. He didn’t expect that a strong-looking woman like her is carrying a painful load inside her heart. They held each other’s gaze for seconds, but then she suddenly looked away.

“Penelope, you know what I felt when I found out that you are Vince’s mother?” Justin asked. He took her hands and held them tightly. “I felt somehow relieved and happy…”

Penelope looked into his eyes. “I’m glad that you’re with Vince. You gave him the love that I refused to give him—”

“Penelope,” Justin cut off. “There are still chances for you to make it up with Vince. I know that you love him. I witnessed your effort and affection to him…” He squeezed her hands. “You can still make it right.”

Penelope looked down and cried. “I-I don’t know if I can forgive myself for the terrible things that I’ve done to my own child… And the fact that I continued living my life after I abandoned him seven years ago is unforgivable to me.” She pulled her hand back from him. “I’m a monster, Justin. I’m not a good influence to Vince and to you…” Penelope took a step back. “I did not call you here to take Vince from you… I just want to end your search of who’s her biological mother. Vince deserves you to be his father.”

“I love you…” Justin stepped closer to her. “Marry me, Penelope.” His voice cracked. “Let’s become a family. You, Vince, and me…”

The woman looked at her, eyes wide in surprise. “This is not right, Justin. I don’t want to ruin your good image as an artist. If the public found out that you’re having an affair with a sinful woman, who abandoned her child after giving birth, what do you think will they say to you?” She wiped her tears off her face. “My sins might cause your downfall—”

“I don’t care!” he shouted. “I’m tired of living in the spotlight anyway. I want to settle and have my own family. I want to live in peace… I want to live with you and Vince.”

Penelope shook her head. “You don’t know what you’re saying, Justin…” She took a step back again, “this is not right—”

“Then what is right, Penelope?” he asked, clenching his jaw. “Tell me, what is right?!”

Penelope covered her face as she wept in tears. “I don’t know…” she said. “I don’t know if I still deserve to live. I’m such a monster, Justin. Do you think Vince deserved a mother like me?”

“And what are you going to do? Runaway again?” he spat those hurtful words to her, not to condemn her but to wake her up and think about him and Vince. “Are you going to leave Vince again, Penelope? Did you forget how he cared for you? Vince loves you so much—”

“Enough!” Penelope shouted. Justin can see how confused she is. “I can’t forgive myself… If I am going to accept your proposal and act as if I did nothing wrong, do you think it will change the fact that I abandoned him when he was an infant? Do you think I will be able to sleep peacefully at night—?”

Justin hugged her tightly. “I’m just here, Penelope… I will help you get over this—”

But Penelope pushed him away. “No, Justin… I want to fix myself… No one can do that, but only me.” She pulled free from him, and before he could stop her, she ran away.

***