Chapter 57 Fell Asleep
Warmth surrounds me as my eyes flutter open. I lie there in silence, listening to the steady heartbeat right next to my left ear. Once I have gathered my consciousness, I realise whose arms I'm in: Antonio. My breath hitches in my throat, and my body freezes in place as hundreds of thoughts run through my head.
Did I fall asleep in his arms while I was crying? Fuck. How could I let this happen? I should get up right now. I admit that where I am right now feels comfortable, but I can't keep doing this and make Antonio think I want more with him. And the little makeout session we had earlier? Yeah. That wasn't supposed to happen. Now, Antonio definitely thinks I'm really, really into him. Shit. I've fucked up real bad today.
"Are you okay?"
I snap out of my thoughts. When my gaze meets Antonio's, I can see worries written all over his face. Slowly, I leave his embrace and sit next to him with an awkward smile. He hesitates, but he lets go of me anyway, and the worry on his face still lingers.
"I'm fine now. Don't worry," I say, sending him a convincing smile. Antonio returns my smile, but he still seems doubtful. Despite that, he stays silent. I take the chance to check my phone for the time.
It's already 1 pm, which means I was asleep for about thirty minutes. I should go back to my room now and recollect my thoughts. After what happened earlier, I should be more cautious about what I do next. How should I do it so that Antonio won't be suspicious, though? I'll just tell him I need to go to the bathroom and wait for Valeria in my room. Fuck his thoughts and feelings. Why do I even care if he's going to feel hurt or not? Besides, I don't trust myself anymore to be around Antonio for any longer, so I should leave right now.
"I'm sorry if I triggered you or anything earlier," Antonio says. I shake my head, taking his hand and holding it in mine.
"Don't apologise. It's not your fault," I say. After a minute or so of silence, I let go of his hand, suddenly feeling awkward about leaving him. Get a damn grip, Alessandra. You need to leave now before anything else happens.
"I uh- I guess I'll wait for Valeria in my room if that's okay?" I say, feeling my body tremble a bit from nervousness.
Why am I even feeling like this? Where did my confidence from when I first got into this fake relationship go? I guess Antonio really succeeded in fucking up my mind and not the opposite. Damn it. Is it too late now to back out of this plan? Absolutely. Gosh. I want to leave everything and everyone like right now. Planning to get revenge for my mother and brothers' deaths is a mistake from the start. I should've just run away. If only I hadn't fallen for Dante, I would've done it months ago. Fuck my fucking life.
"Of course. No need to ask. I'll be here if you want to talk to me or something," Antonio says.
"I will. Thank you," I say.
"It's nothing," Antonio says.
I give him one last smile before getting off the bed and out of the room. Carlo turns to me, raising his eyebrows, and I only shake my head. We walk towards my bedroom, and I quickly pull him inside the room before closing the door. I'd rather have him in the same room with me right now than let myself stay by myself and drown in my own thoughts.
"What happened? The room was oddly quiet for half an hour. And why did you cry?" Carlo says as he sits on the bed next to me. My mind immediately rewinds to when I woke up in Antonio's arms. Sighing, I continue to avoid his gaze and fiddle with the hem of my shirt.
"Well, apparently, I fell asleep while I was crying after you left the room. I only cried because I got a bit emotional. That's it," I say.
"Did he do anything to you?" Carlo asks. I shake my head.
"No. At least not while I was awake," I say.
Now that I think about it, I was dumb to let myself fall asleep when I'm alone with him in his bedroom. He could've done something to me while I was sleeping. He might've acted kind when I'm awake, but who knows what's actually in his heart and mind? As crazy as it might sound, he could've tried to rape me while I was asleep. Thankfully, that didn't happen. I would've noticed it.
"Are you sure? You don't feel anything weird at all?" Carlo asks.
"No. I'm fine. I would know something's wrong if anything happened while I'm asleep," I say.
"What were you talking about anyway? I can barely hear anything since the room is soundproofed. I can only hear a muffled, intelligible conversation," Carlo says. Thankfully, he didn't hear anything. If he heard Antonio and I was all over each other, kissing so damn passionately, I'd be fucking embarrassed.
"Just about Paolo and the guys before him. You know about what," I say. Carlo frowns at my response.
"Are you okay now?" Carlo asks.
"Yeah. Totally. The topic was just a spur-of-the-moment thing," I say. It's definitely not something out of nowhere. It was my fault for even making out with Antonio. I should've controlled myself better and not fallen deeper into his trap. How could I be this stupid?
"Are you sure nothing else happened? If he did anything to you, say it. I'll tell your father about it, and we can stop everything right now and leave," Carlo says.
"No. We can't do that. I'm fine. Seriously," I say, giving Carlo a convincing stare, but he doesn't seem to buy it. I can't let him tell my father about this. We've come so far to get where we are now. We can't stop just yet. We're so close to uncovering the truth about the Ricci and the Romanos' relationship.
"And uh, well, something else did happen. We kissed, but that's it! There's nothing more. That's what led to the conversation about Paolo and the others. He said he was scared of hurting me because of what happened, and those words alone just made me cry."
"He didn't force you, right?" Carlo asks.
"No. It was consensual," I say as I shift my gaze away from Carlo's gaze. That was an embarrassing thing to admit. Ugh. I can't believe I really let that happen.
Carlo lets out a sigh and then pats my shoulder once. Thank goodness. I guess this is a sign our conversation has finally come to an end.
"Okay. Just let me know if he did anything to you later," Carlo says.
"I will," I say.
My eyes move towards the door when I see it swing open from my peripheral vision. Dante freezes in the doorway for a second before entering the room and closing the door behind him. In his hand, there's a piece of paper. I guess that's just his daily note for me. I wonder what he has written in there.
"For you. You can read it now or later. It's up to you, but remember our agreement," Dante says. I nod at him and take the note from him.
We agreed not to discuss our mission in this house. So, I guess that's what Dante means. We can't let anyone in here know we're onto them, so it's better to stay quiet about all this, whether when we're around the Ricci or in private like this.
I unfold the paper and read Dante's writing. My heart skips a beat after reading his note. Is this it? Are we finally getting our answers?