Chapter 56 The Past
Antonio and I stay there on his bed in each other's arms, eating chocolate bars while our attention is fixed on the movie playing before us. Right now, we're 20 minutes into the movie, and the TV shows a woman sneaking through the hallway of a company building.
In the movie, the female main character, Veronica, is a spy of sorts who works for the boss of a rival company, while the male, Damian, is a high-ranking worker in a company. Veronica's job is simple: to get back the flash drive containing her client's company's important data. All she needs to do is take the flash drive from Damian's office and bring it to her client.
It's currently 11 pm in the movie. Veronica is sneaking through the hallway of the office building. Without her knowledge, Damian is still in his office working on some paperwork. Damian being there is not in her plan, but being quite the reckless spy she is, she barges into the office and finds Damian there at his desk with papers in his hand. Veronica pulls out her gun, but before she can shoot him, Damian ducks under the table and silently moves towards her behind the couch.
Both of them end up in a hand-to-hand combat. Despite all his attempts, Veronica wins, leaving Damian weak on the floor. She ends him with a punch across his face, knocking him out cold. While Damian is passed out on the floor, she searches for the flash drive and then immediately finds it in the drawer. Without wasting any time, Veronica leaves the building promptly.
I pour all my attention into the movie, interested in where the story will go. From how it looks right now, the ending might be a cliche enemies-to-lovers, but I don't mind it. In fact, I like that trope no matter how cliche it is. It's interesting how two people can go from enemies to lovers. I mean, how could two people who used to fight each other senselessly end up liking or even loving each other? It just seems like a quite complex relationship.
50 minutes into the movie, the relationship between Damian and Veronica is getting closer. They still kind of hate each other because they're still enemies, but at times, they end up getting into a steamy makeout session and then act like it never happened.
I move my gaze away from the TV, starting to feel uncomfortable from the countless kissing scenes. Oh shit. What if Antonio thinks of this as a hint from me? That will end up badly for me. Damn. I didn't know this movie would be this spicy. I thought it was just another action movie with minimal romance and spicy scenes, but I'm wrong.
I turn to Antonio, and we end up staring at each other. My heart pounds in my chest as the distance between our faces becomes narrower by the second. Before I can think of anything else, our lips collide. The kiss starts gently, then it gets faster and deeper. In the heat of the moment, Antonio gets on top of me, and I let him. With my arms wrapped behind his neck and back, we continue to devour each other, tasting the sweetness of the chocolate we have left on our lips from earlier.
In the middle of our makeout session, I stop myself once I feel Antonio's hand grabbing my thigh. The act causes Antonio to stop himself and move away from me, taking his hand off me. On his face, it's clear that he's worried about me. His eyes stay on mine as he gathers his words in his mind.
Shit. What did we just do? Fuck. I almost fucked with Antonio. Oh hell no. Why did I let that happen? I'm so fucking stupid. I shouldn't have let him kiss me like that. AI shouldn't have let myself get so caught up in the fucking moment. It's good that I'm able to stop myself now, but if not? What should I say to everyone? What should I say to Dante? Shit. This is too much. Antonio has seriously messed with my mind, and I let him. For all I know, he probably just wants to use me despite the story of how awkward and shy he is most of the time.
"Are you okay?" Antonio asks.
"Yeah. I'm sorry. I- I can't do this," I say.
I quickly push myself to sit and stare at my lap, avoiding Antonio's gaze. Why do I even feel bad for Antonio? It's not like I like him like that. Or do I? Fucking hell. I need to keep some space between us after this. I can't let him keep playing with my mind. I don't want to do anything I'll end up regretting in the future.
"No. I'm sorry," Antonio says, moving a bit further away from me and then sitting by my side. I feel his eyes still on me, but I continue to stare at my lap, fiddling with my hands nervously.
"It's fine. I'm just not ready for it yet," I say. I can't say I don't want to do it with him. I don't want to sound too suspicious. I need him to think that I still like him even though I don't.
"It's okay. It's your choice, really. Let's continue to watch the movie now, shall we? Or do you want to watch something else?" Antonio asks.
I'm not going to lie, I'm still curious about how this movie is going to end. So, I'd rather watch this one until the end. I'll just skip the steamy scenes if they show up again.
"It's okay. Let's just watch this one," I say.
We stay there in silence, watching the movie together awkwardly. Antonio is probably the one who feels the most nervous right now. I mean, I was the one who stopped us from kissing each other. He probably thinks he did something wrong. I should do something. Fuck it. I'll just cuddle with him again so he'll calm down a bit.
I put my head on his shoulder. Antonio tenses up a bit and then relaxes once he realises I'm not going anywhere and stay there with him. He pulls me closer a bit and keep his right arm around me.
"I'm sorry if I scared you. After what happened in your past, I should've been more careful," Antonio says.
At this point, I don't even know if he's acting or not anymore. All his words and reactions look so real. If all he did turns out to be an act, then he's too fucking good at lying. But if not, damn it, I really did lead him on so badly. I actually won't forgive myself for making Antonio think that I like him back if his feelings towards me are genuine.
"It's not your fault. I just don't want to go there yet. Sorry for ruining everything," I say.
"What? Don't you ever say that again. You didn't ruin anything. In fact, it's good that you can set boundaries, even with me. I won't force you to do anything you don't want to do. I promise. I won't hurt you like that," Antonio says. If he keeps acting like this, he's going to make me cry soon. After what happened with Paolo and all the other boys before, knowing that Antonio won't do anything to me just feel so relieving even though I'm still not sure if his words are the truth or not.
"Thank you. I'm sorry a-"
"No. Don't apologise. If you don't want to do anything with me, please just say it. I don't want you to experience the same thing you did in the past ever again," Antonio says.
"Thank you. Really," I say. Can't hold myself back anymore, I let the tears flow from my eyes. My silent crying turns into sobbing a minute later. Antonio stares down at my face and then frowns. He pulls me into his embrace and then rubs my back soothingly.
"Don't cry now. Come here. It's okay. You're okay. No one will hurt you like that anymore. I won't let them," Antonio says.
My heart stops for a split second when the door swings open. Carlo stands there, ready to fight anyone. He then relaxes a bit, but still alert, once he sees me crying in Antonio's arms.
"Are you okay?" Carlo asks.
"I'm fine. I'm just a bit emotional now," I say, chuckling awkwardly. Carlo frowns a bit, but nods in understanding.
"Alright. Let me know if you need anything," Carlo says.
"I will. Thanks," I say.
Carlo leaves the room again, closing the door once he's in the hallway. I continue to cry silently while Antonio holds me. I guess this once this relationship ends, it won't only hurt Antonio, but it will also hurt me. I hate to admit it, but just like what I've said to Dante before, I like Antonio back.