Chapter Twenty-Two

Chloe couldn’t fathom sharing the same space with Davis, never mind sleeping next to him. So she settled in on a reclining chair next to the pool. Chloe pulled her knees into her chest and looked out across the water. She’d known Davis was unique from the moment she’d met him. He wasn’t like the meatheads whose egos were the only things larger than their biceps.

Davis didn’t care what others thought of him; he obviously loved his parents and brothers, and taking care of others was what he did best. She could tell from the night of the monsoon that Davis was one to put others ahead of himself. Not many men were like that. It was what Chloe did for a living, so of course she had fallen in love with him.

Until Chloe had realized that Davis spent so much time caring for others because he thought so little of himself.

Despising yourself was no better than thinking you were better than everyone else. Two sides of the wrong coin.

And the thing about telling someone like that how fantastic they were was that they would only deny it, and it ended up making them feel worse—like you felt sorry for them.

Chloe had seen it before. And she wasn’t going to put herself through that again. She’d learned the hard way that you can’t save everyone. And Davis was one of those guys.

Her gut twisted at the thought, like she didn’t think it was true. Or maybe she just didn’t want it to be.

Either way, his family would arrive the next morning, she’d play tour guide for the rest of the week, and then he’d go live his life. In a town he hated but would never leave.

Footsteps approached, and Chloe was sure it was an employee there to kick her out, to tell her the pool was closed.

“Mind if I join you?”

Her gaze snapped to her right, where Travis stood. He was sporting a roughed-up pair of jeans and a long-sleeve shirt.

“You don’t look like you’re ready for a swim.”

Travis chuckled. “Neither do you.” He waited, seemingly needing her permission before he’d sit.

She nodded to the chair next to her, her gaze returning to the water in front of them. “I thought you’d have left Chiang Rai by now. Find your soulmate in that hostel of yours?”

“Nope. Just…didn’t feel right leaving things the way I did. Been wandering around most of the night, hoping to get a chance to talk to you.”

Chloe threw a side glance his way. “Why didn’t you just come up to the room?”

“You told me not to.”

Oh, right.

Why did Travis have to be so considerate? Sometimes she wished she could have feelings for him—but they just wouldn’t come. Instead, she had fallen for the worst possible guy for her. She hadn’t thought so that morning, but it didn’t take much to break something that was so new and fragile.

“What are you doing out here?” Travis finally asked.

Silence settled between them as Chloe tried to put words to all of the emotions that were fighting for attention. “Needed some space.”

“Trouble in paradise?”

It wasn’t just trouble, it was—Chloe didn’t even know what it was. Davis had said he felt like he was pretending. Maybe she had been too.

Her lifestyle wasn’t one where she could go to work while her husband went to his job, and then they reconvene and talk about their day over dinner. Her home was a giant tent that moved locations several times a year. And it wasn’t something she could just walk away from. Not after all she’d sacrificed just to get it going. Not after all the people she’d helped. If she tried, she’d always feel guilty about what she’d left behind—the people who were going to struggle more than necessary because she hadn’t been there to lend a helping hand.

As if reading her thoughts, Travis said, “You can’t save the world by yourself.”

Chloe released a shaky laugh. “But is it wrong to try?” She pushed herself up so that she sat on the edge of the chair. “Besides, I have you. And the volunteers. I’m not a one-woman show.”

Travis ran a hand through his hair, like he was nervous. He had something to say that she wasn’t going to like. “About that. I’ve been thinking…maybe it’s time for me to move on.”

Chloe’s gaze snapped up. “What do you mean? You’re…quitting?” Travis had been by her side from the beginning. He was the only employee on her payroll and not someone she could easily replace.

“You never think about settling down?” he asked, his own gaze on the ground. “Building a life of your own?”

“Not since founding Building on Hope. This is my life. I thought it was yours too. What we do—we’re making a difference that we can’t anywhere else. What we do means something.” Chloe’s voice was rising, the passion of each word giving way to panic.

“It does mean something,” Travis said, slowly raising his head until his gaze met hers. “But so do other things. Like having a family. Friendships. Community. Those are all things that I’ve had to give up—things I can never have if I stay with Building on Hope.” He paused, an expression of a different kind of anguish passing over his features. “For a while there I thought I could have both—a life of my own and staying here.” He raised a meaningful eyebrow, like she should know what he was talking about.

Chloe folded her arms across her chest. “You’re leaving because…I wouldn’t go on a date with you?”

Travis blew out a hard breath and braced his arms against his knees. “Really? You think I’d leave because you turned me down for a date?” He shook his head. “I’ve loved you for the past six years, Chloe. From the first day we worked together. I thought that you’d eventually feel the same way about me too. We could raise our little builders together—this would be our life.” Travis stood and took a step toward the pool. “But I can’t do it anymore. I can’t wait around any longer, wondering if you’ll ever see in me what I see in you.”

If Travis had punched Chloe in the stomach, it wouldn’t have felt any different. “But you’ve always run around with volunteers or girls from town or—”

“I know,” Travis interrupted. “But a man can only take so much rejection and can be alone for only so long. I masked the pain I felt. That’s on me. I’m not trying to blame you for anything. Just trying to help you understand why I can’t stay.”

Chloe was numb. Couldn’t feel her hands, her legs. Couldn’t move. Just stared at the ground, speechless. Her mind was spinning, but it didn’t know which thoughts to land on. Everything jumbled in a ball of confusion. One of her best friends in the world, and someone she relied on, was leaving. Because of her.

It wasn’t her fault, though. Or was it? Could she have handled things differently? Could she have paid closer attention, noticed when he was hurting? Noticed that she’d asked him to give up everything for her? And then she’d given nothing in return except a paycheck, and a lousy one at that.

“I better get going,” Travis finally said, his voice quiet. “I’m catching a flight in the morning to Bangkok.”

“And then from there?” She forced herself to look at him.

“Not sure. I might head over to England for a while. Maybe Germany. Travel a bit while I figure out what I want.” Travis met her gaze and held it for a few seconds before turning away.

“I’m sorry.” The words burst from her lips. “For not being what you needed—for not giving what you deserved.”

He glanced over his shoulder and threw a sad smile her way. “Don’t feel bad about it. Maybe it’s better this way.” His gaze wandered to the hotel that loomed above them. “And who knows, maybe you already found your new number two.”

Chloe’s gaze followed Travis’s to the second floor. “I don’t think so. You’re not the only one this evening who has told me he plans on running far away from me.” She paused. “He said we’d only been playing make-believe.”

“I understand the feeling. Which tells me what he really wishes is that it was real.”

And then Travis walked away. For the last time. Never looking back. He was closing this chapter of this life and searching for a new one.

Chloe stayed on that pool chair all night, but not sleeping. Could she do what Travis had done? Turn her back and walk away from it all? Her only employee had managed to do it without a thread of regret. Sure, Chloe had helped many people over the years. But was her ego so big that she thought she was irreplaceable? The Thai people had survived without her long before she ever arrived on the scene.

Never mind that her closest friends and deepest relationships had been established as she’d worked and sweated alongside people like Pii Beun. And that she felt more at home in Thailand than she ever had on the other side of the world.

But Travis was right. She couldn’t save the world by herself. And now that he’d left, she was exactly that—alone.

That one word kept hitting her, like a leaky faucet dripping water, constantly beating against the same spot on her forehead.

Alone. Alone. Alone.

Chloe jerked awake.

Davis knelt over her, obvious relief in his expression when her eyes opened. “Oh, thank goodness. If I’d known how to call the Thai police, I would have already.” He wrapped Chloe in his arms.

She tried to make sense of what was happening. And then last night came rushing back. The excitement she’d felt when she had thought of Davis staying. And him rejecting her. Telling her it could never happen.

And then discovering she’d done the same to Travis.

And it sucked. All of it. Why would she ever want a life outside her organization, when this was what her life comprised?

Suckiness.

Better to contribute to someone else’s life being better. Because she’d found that the more she sacrificed for her Thai friends, the better her life was. That was all she needed. Not this drama. Not any of the stuff men had brought into her life in the name of romance.

“No,” she said, scooting backward out of Davis’s arms. “No. You don’t get to tell me how worried you were and how much you love me and how you were wrong to have spoken to me like that last night. You don’t get to say any of it.”

Davis stared, not trying to stop her. “I didn’t say any of that. Well, except the worried part.”

But he had been going to, hadn’t he?

By his expression, he hadn’t. Great.

“Never mind,” Chloe muttered. And then she stalked off, not turning back so he wouldn’t see the tears that had filled her eyes.

She didn’t want to love Davis. A man she’d known less than two weeks. And who was as infuriating as he was compassionate. Who was as sensitive as he was attractive. And who she had been able to picture herself with for the rest of her life. Because even though the man couldn’t handle loud noises or crowds or weird smells or bright lights—he was the kind of man who would warm up her eggs every thirty minutes until she woke up, just to make sure she had a hot breakfast.

And he didn’t want her.