Chapter Twenty-One

Davis wrapped his arms around Chloe’s waist from behind, taking in the scene. The wet children, now covered in baby powder, the water guns, and buckets. Parents watching from the safety of their shops. It was the very definition of chaos, and yet he hadn’t felt overwhelmed or like he needed to find a place to hide. It was the opposite, actually.

He’d felt alive.

And having Chloe along for the adventure made it all complete. He smiled down at her and realized something was missing.

“Hey, Chloe?” He stepped back.

“Yeah?” She wore a smile that told him she was as happy as he was. Like nothing in their small world would ever change, and this perfection could last forever.

“You have something on your cheeks.” And then Davis wiped a streak of baby powder on each of them.

Chloe laughed so fully that her head tilted back. “Thanks.”

Davis turned and saw the children being herded by their parents, gathering up their supplies, and drying off. But past them, a fence. And children he hadn’t noticed before, all dry, all in uniforms, and all watching them with envious eyes.

“What is that place?”

Chloe turned to look where he’d indicated. Her head tilted to the side. “I’m not sure. Let’s check it out.”

Davis took her hand, and they sloshed their way through the now-muddied street to get a closer look.

As he and Chloe drew closer, the children stepped back from the fence and created distance between them.

Chloe spoke a few words in Thai, but none of the children responded. She tried again. This time, one of the older ones spoke. It was brief, but must have been enough because Chloe nodded and said, “Khab khun ka,” then turned away.

“It’s an orphanage,” she told him. “I asked why they didn’t participate in Songkran, and he said they wouldn’t have any clothes to wear if they did. They have one pair they wear, and one pair that is currently being laundered. That, and the maechi who run the orphanage aren’t able to bring the children outside the orphanage grounds. There are too many children to take care of.”

“Maechi. You mean nuns?”

Chloe hesitated. “Sort of. Women who commit themselves to religion aren’t seen in the same light as their male counterparts. Please don’t judge them too harshly on what you see here. I can’t imagine what they’ve gone through just to be able to bring in these children—give them a home.” She glanced at her phone and cast one last look at the orphanage. “Time to get back to the boat.”

Davis turned to follow her but paused. There was one little boy who had come back and now clung to the fence. He was maybe six years old, his eyes hopeful. He pointed to the jar of baby powder.

“What if we managed to get clothes for all of them?” Davis said, turning back to Chloe, a new spark of excitement ignited. “Would they let us have Songkran with the children?”

Chloe’s lips twitched up at the corners. She gave Davis a quick kiss on the cheek. “Wait right here.” She then slogged past the fence and to the main entrance of the building. She looked down at her shoes as if just realizing what a mess she was, but that didn’t stop her from knocking on the door.

A woman wearing white robes answered the door. Her head was shaved, similar to the monks they’d seen earlier. She and Chloe talked for a few minutes, and Davis couldn’t decipher if the conversation was going well or not.

But when Chloe returned, she was still smiling—sort of. It was more of a contemplative smile. “She said we can return tomorrow, but there are thirty-five children here. We would need to find clothing for twenty-nine of them, because six are infants.” She paused. “The maechi was concerned because they are unable to take the children outside the orphanage. There are only four maechi, and it takes all of their time to cook for the children, bathe them, clean their clothes, and make sure their basic needs are met. The children’s playtime isn’t a priority for them. They don’t want to set expectations.”

“But to never be able to leave, it doesn’t seem right.” What had seemed like a good idea now seemed overwhelming, and maybe even impossible. They might be able to procure that many sets of clothing and water guns and buckets. But even if they did, what then?

“We bring the children out and have a water fight, and then they go back to how they were before. What is the point?” he asked.

Seeing these kids—why did he think he could just swoop in and save everyone from their circumstances? These kids didn’t need toys. They needed someone who loved them—a family. And Davis couldn’t give them that.

Not when Davis had the best family there was, and he hadn’t even bothered to visit for two years.

Davis was afraid.

Afraid because he was someone who had everything in the world but treated it as nothing. And these kids would see right through him. If he stayed.

“You’re right. So, we do it again,” Chloe said, her eyes no longer guarded but like an idea had sparked behind them. “I already run a service organization; why not expand to orphanages? If the maechi are willing and it’s something they’d find helpful, we could provide supplies and training for young adults to help within their own country. I’m not talking about Americans coming in and taking over, but in exchange for food and lodging, young Thai adults could help take care of the children, play with them, teach them. We could help make it sustainable so they aren’t reliant on us.” She started muttering to herself, like she already had a checklist of things they’d need to do, donations they’d need to procure.

Davis liked the idea. A lot. He wanted to see these kids be able to do more than exist. They didn’t have so much as a stick. Just dirt. And each other.

They deserved so much more. They deserved someone like Chloe.

“Where are you going?” she asked as he turned away.

“Time’s up,” Davis said, hoping she didn’t notice the way his voice shook. “We got to get back to the boat, remember?”

Realization lit up her features. “That’s right.”

They were wet and muddy, and Davis was sure that Somsak would refuse to let them on his boat, but he was wrong. In fact, Somsak was just as wet and muddy as they were.

“I visited my brother and sister,” he told them. “You enjoy Songkran?”

Chloe grinned. “Always.”

They both looked to Davis expectantly. “I’ll remember it for the rest of my life,” he answered honestly.

Chloe gave him a curious look, with a flicker of disappointment.

In his defense, he’d never said he was staying in Thailand. He’d thought it. Hoped for it. Dreamt it.

And maybe she’d seen the truth behind his words—that he wanted this to be his life. But he was too afraid to take it.

It was after they had showered and eaten dinner that Chloe confronted him. He was sitting on the bed, his back to the wall, sending a text to his parents. They’d be arriving the next morning. Chloe had also texted them, and they had been able to get twenty-nine children’s outfits from a shop in Chiang Mai. It still amazed him how far the U.S. dollar went in Thailand—how easy it was for them to purchase so much.

Chloe jumped onto the bed, and Davis tried to ignore the excitement that radiated from her. Chloe placed a finger on the phone and lowered it so that his gaze would meet hers. “I have my plan for the orphanage. It revolves around you staying.”

That was it. Blunt. To the point.

“I’m not sure I can do that.” The words felt sticky, like they didn’t want to come.

“Why not?”

Was he really going to have to explain this to her? “Because I have a store. A job. A life.”

Chloe was already nodding. “And is it a life you want to return to?” She gave him a knowing look, like she’d already had this conversation in her head a hundred times and had mapped out what he’d say in response.

“What I want and what I can have are not the same thing.”

She must not have planned for that answer, because her lips parted in surprise. “So, what, you’re destined to be unhappy? Because the man I saw when you first arrived and the one I saw playing with those kids are two different people. And that’s after only ten days. Imagine what your life will feel like next Songkran.”

“Like I’m playing dress-up. Like I’m imagining this life in Thailand where I get to live in the jungle or work with elephants or build huts. I can convince myself that if I moved here it would be because I’m a selfless person. A good person. But it wouldn’t be true.” Davis’s words were soft, and he knew he should stop there, but the words kept coming. “I love Thailand. I love the people and the food, and I want to help those children. But that’s not why I would choose to stay. It would be for the most selfish reason of all. You.”

“Maybe that’s reason enough.” Chloe reached for Davis’s hand but paused, his fingers just out of reach. He didn’t close the gap.

“What if I left everything behind in Starlight Ridge and moved out here? What if you…this…turned out to be nothing but a mirage? An exotic fantasy that was never meant to be?” Davis couldn’t meet her gaze. “What then? I stay and open up a hardware store?”

That was the real fear. Not that the children would see through him…see him as a fraud. It was that Chloe would. And that he’d give up everything, only to be told he wasn’t good enough.

Chloe’s hand retreated, and she scooted away from Davis, like she couldn’t get far enough away from him. “So that’s all this has been for you? Living out a fantasy?” She gave a quick shake of her head. “I don’t pretend. Everything you see is real. And if it all feels make-believe to you, then that can only mean one thing. That I was wrong. And I guess ten days really is enough to find out who someone really is.”

“Yeah, I guess it is.”

Silence.

When Davis’s gaze found Chloe again, he saw she was watching him. “This could have all been yours. I saw how happy you were today. And when you were with your family. It’s the people in your life that make all the difference. And that’s what I try to bring to everyone I meet in Thailand. Not just a roof over someone’s head or a water gun. But hope.” She paused and released a long breath. “But how can you bring something to someone else when you don’t even have it yourself?”

Chloe put on a pair of slippers and tied her robe. She shook her head and released a small laugh. “For the record, I’m in love with you. Or the man that I’ve caught glimpses of. But I suppose that doesn’t mean a thing to you.”

And then she left the room, the door clicking shut behind her.

Davis didn’t go after her. What else was there to say?

He’d had a chance at happiness.

And he’d blown it.