Convincing Her

Convincing Her
CHAPTER 186
ZYLIAH'S POV
"Zyliah, please."
I whirled to see Sayge standing at the door. How had he come in and I didn't hear him? His expression was one of angst.
I refused to let him bother me. "We've been over this. I am not going back to my past. You are my past, Sayge."
"Give us a minute, Sayge. Go stay with the kids," Kevin told him.
Without another word, Sayge left.
"What is wrong with you, Kevin? Whose side are you on?" I turned back, facing him, now angry.
"Always on yours, baby girl. Come sit, let's talk." He tried to gently nudge me back onto the sofa.
I stiffened my body. "I do not want to sit. There's nothing to talk about."
He exhaled deeply. "Please. For my sake."
I stared at him, then gave in, clucking my tongue in annoyance to go plop on a sofa. "I am only listening to you because of the respect I have for you. Right now, I do not know if I am talking to my boyfriend or Sayge's mouthpiece."
"I understand you're angry, baby girl... overwhelmed, even, and it is the right emotion to feel given the circumstance. But through your anger, you need to see. Like, really see what's going on. You need to pick through your emotions and let yourself know that despite anything, you owe yourself a lifetime of happiness without regrets tugging at you from all sides."
"I don't feel regretful about anything," I muttered defensively.
"You're trying to convince yourself and failing, sweetheart." He observed, calm and patient in his voice and eyes.
"I'm not trying to..." I let out an exasperated groan. "You know what? I'm so not liking whatever is going on right now. Grandma Charlotte used you to get to me, and for what? So Sayge and I can get married?" I snorted, the sound coming out with something of a mix between annoyance and disbelief. "I'll have you know that Sayge is expecting a child with Claire. And that is a deal breaker for me. I won't come between that."
"Why? You hate kids?" he questioned.
"No. I don't hate kids. I have two of my own. Why would you ask that?" I eye-rolled, already feeling a headache coming.
This was what I've been avoiding. Too many talks on this subject were upsetting for me. It's why I wanted to be on my own, with my kids.
"So it's someone else's own that you don't like?" he probed further.
My forehead lined with puzzlement over the questions he was asking me. "What is wrong with you, Kevin? Alexa is living with me right now. Do you think I hate her?"
"Then tell me the problem here, baby girl. She's pregnant for him, not married to him. Even if it was a marriage, a divorce is possible."
I stared at him like he was some stranger I couldn't recall ever meeting. "Is this what you have to say, Kevin? There's an innocent, unborn child in the midst of all this."
"Your point?"
"I... I mean, he slept with her and... and impregnated her. That changes everything." I hated the fact that I sounded like a broken record.
I'd hit on that particular deed over and over. It was making me seem like I have no idea whatever it was I was saying.
"A baby changes things, yes. But not the way you feel for him. Tell me this, and I want you to be honest about it."
"What?" I was starting to get angry with him. He wasn't siding with me on this. He wasn't seeing what I was seeing.
"Even knowing this Claire person is pregnant for him, has it changed how you feel about him, even a bit?"
I didn't answer immediately. I stared long and hard at him. He didn't flinch nor appear perturbed. My stare-down didn't even change the care and patience with which he looked at me.
"No." I decided on the truth, my lips quivering a little upon this little confession. "But it doesn't make it right, Kevin. It's..." I paused to pull myself together.
When that didn't seem to be working, I stood and paced. He followed suit—standing up but not pacing.
"It doesn't make what he has done right, Kevin," I finally managed to say without becoming an emotional mess.
"No, it doesn't. But you also have hurt him before, haven't you?" When he spoke now, it was low, full of understanding, and soft.
"W-what?"
"Mama Charlotte told me of the time you had that accident and suffered memory loss. How Sayge fought for you to be free from Fynn, but you rather chose Fynn over Sayge and your boys, who cried themselves sick. Mama Charlotte said Sayge was devastated and could barely function."
"I... I had amnesia." I shouldn't have used that as my defense argument, but he'd caught me off guard with that short trip down memory lane.
"Amnesia, that you had. Stupid—that you are not, baby girl."
I hated how calm and patient he was. "But I didn't have sex with Fynn." I thought of the make-out session but waved it away; it wasn't the same.
"But you made out with him. You almost had sex with him." It was as if he was reading my mind.
"How did you..." I let out a grunt. "Never mind. Nothing gets past you. You're like some creepy mind reader."
Rather than take offense, he laughed. "God, how I adore you."
I moved closer to him. "Then why don't we keep going and keep exploring this new relationship of ours?"
"I am tempted to, and I'm quite glad our feelings are mutual. But you'll regret it in a year or two. I have a feeling you're just using me to get your mind off your feelings for him."
I scoffed, refusing to feel guilty. "No, I am..."
"Yes, you like me, and you enjoy my company. But you and I know it's nothing compared to what you and Sayge feel for each other."
I could see the affection in his eyes, but they were controlled. I was torn between having respect for him and being infuriated.
"I get it, Kevin. You're a good man, and you want me to be happy. But I can't. When I was with Fynn, I didn't let him have sex with me."
"What do you consider cheating, Zyliah?" His hand brushed my face. Softly. Tenderly.
"I... I don't know. I guess doing stuff you're not supposed to do with anyone else except your partner."
"And do you think that entails kissing and foreplay?"
I read his eyes and understood. "I see what you mean. So what happens to that unborn child?"
"Nothing. Claire gives birth, and the child is loved by both parents. You can love the child as well. If you could accept Alexa, what's one more child that isn't biologically yours? You're only giving excuses, though they are valid, why you shouldn't be happy for the rest of your life."
I sighed, resting my head on his chest. "This is hard."
"Not as hard as denying yourself the love you deserve."
I lifted my head to meet his eyes, then tightened my arms around his waist. "Where have you been all this while?"
Another rich laugh. "Let's say fate runs the show. I show up whenever it wants me to." A kiss on my forehead. "Now, will you allow fate to do its thing?"
I exhaled deeply. "Alright. I'm not making any promises, but I'm open to discussing it with him... again."