Broken Hearts

Broken Hearts
CHAPTER 180
ZYLIAH'S POV
"Stop saying that, Zyliah. I want you. I have fucking confessed my feelings to you before now. I told you how much I am in love with you! Don't you believe that?" The raw emotions glazing his eyes almost made me want to drop this argument and go to him.
It almost made me want to forget how hurt I was and allow myself to be wrapped in his embrace.
But no! No, I wouldn't do any of that. I won't let myself become mush in his presence because, right now, that is exactly what he is trying to make me be.
"No." Strands of my hair came loose from my bun from shaking my head too hard—it was as if I was trying to convince myself that not believing him was the right thing. "No, I do not believe that, Sayge."
He took a step closer; I went back two steps. "Stay where you are, Sayge. Do not come closer."
I wiped tears that had fallen and blinked back the rest that were threatening to fall. No more crying. I would talk this out like a mature adult and walk away.
"Sayge, it is obvious that you and I cannot be together. Right now, all I want is to just focus on myself and my sons. I was fine before you came into the picture, and I'll be fine after now."
Maybe that was a lie, and I might never ever be fine, but at least I wouldn't have to keep holding onto the idea of me being with him.
"I cannot let you take my sons away from me!" he raged. This was a rage led by many other emotions; that much was clear in his emotion-ridden topaz orbs.
And frankly, it suited my own rioting emotions too.
"My sons need their mother. They need me! They are five!"
"Well, where were you all this while when they needed you?!"
I did a double take hearing those words and the angry accusation undercurrent. My mouth was halfway agape—a speechless moment for me.
Then came pain—strong and staggering—reaching out a fist, hitting a nerve... maybe more than one nerve.
My eyes watered; the boulder in my throat refused to budge, no matter how many times I tried to get rid of it.
He closed his eyes briefly, then fluttered them open. Regret surfacing. "I... I'm sorry. I didn't... I'm sorry."
"No. You are not sorry. But you know what? It's okay. I'm not..." I sniffled, swiping impatiently at tears. "... supposed to react this way because it is true. I have left my children twice. The first time was me being foolish—no excuses for the amnesia. And the second time, it wasn't my fault. In fact, it shows how many miles I'm ready to go and what sacrifices I'm ready to make to save my boys! To protect them the best way I can, and with the only option I was given."
Impatience morphed into anger as the tears wouldn't stop falling. I didn't want to fucking cry, especially in his presence, but these damned tears just wouldn't cooperate.
"Now let's talk about you. What did you do to ensure I was found? Yes, you showed concern that day we met at the mall, but I'm guessing that was it."
"Don't say what you do not know, Zyliah. I was worried for you," he argued defensively. "That shows how much I love you!"
A dry, bitter chuckle ripped from my throat. "You love me? And another woman is carrying your child?"
That had him silent; he even averted his gaze just so he wouldn't look at me.
"No, I want to hear you confidently proclaim your love for me while another woman, not just any woman, the same one you ganged up with to throw me under the bus...or maybe you did it for her; at this point, I can't even tell, but she's pregnant with your child, Sayge." I tucked my tongue in my cheek, making a clucking sound. "How perfect!"
"I told you, Zyliah. The affair was because I thought you...I mean, seeing you pregnant, it's only natural I'd assume."
"That is not an excuse, Sayge!" I retorted. "Yes, I know seeing me pregnant brings assumptions, and to be very honest with you, Sayge, I was prepared for your anger. You had every right to be angry, and I'm not even blaming you for that."
"So what exactly are you mad at me for?"
"You humiliated me on TV and across social media platforms! You have refused to clear my name on air! And worse, you did it with the same woman you know too well has never liked me, and if that wasn't enough, you impregnated her. When I returned, did you talk to me? Did you even try to ask me? What's so painful, especially, is the fact that you would actually believe I'd steal from you."
"I..." He drew a deep breath, his hand raking through his mess of dark hair in an aggressive move that was both angry and frustrated. "Can we just stop fighting for a second and focus on each other, please?"
"Why? Now you want to love me because I'm not the thief you and your pregnant girlfriend thought I was?" I folded my arms, my tone serious and emotionally detached—it was better than showing my hurt.
"I never thought you were a thief, Zyliah," he said quietly, losing all his anger, grasping resignation alongside that regret.
"Oh really? That's nice." My bitterly sarcastic tone didn't go unnoticed.
"Stop it, Zyliah." He released another exhausted sigh. "A part of me didn't believe it. But I was too blinded by my anger to care. Claire laid all the traps, and I fell for them. I was stupid; I accept it, and now I regret it. I am sorry, please."
"Do you know how I felt seeing my picture on TV and my full name, labeled as a criminal? I was crushed, Sayge! If you hadn't given that information yourself, if I hadn't seen you with my own two eyes on TV, I'd have denied that you'd ever do something so destructive to me. You're worse than my stepsister, Sayge."
Memories from before I left the city filled my mind. Sabrina and her mother are ganging up against me to ruin my reputation. There was terrible made-up news of me flying about, of me being a whore who slept around with lecturers for grade marks and did so many abortions if and when I got pregnant.
I couldn't leave the house for weeks, staying with Delia. And now, Sayge.
No, I couldn't forgive such betrayal. It was too much to bear. He wasn't even trying to make an attempt to clear my name.
"Zyliah, I am sorry. I cannot change the hands of time; I can only try to correct it. Please, just give me this chance to make up for everything, please." Desperation lay heavy on his pleas, as it did in his eyes.
But I shook my head. "No, Sayge. I cannot be with a man who doesn't know me at all. A man who, rather than find a way to bring peace between us, will team up with my enemy to bring me to ruin. This..." I gestured between us, trying to hold back tears. "... between us, will never work. Especially not with Claire pregnant and not with my name still in the mud."
I walked to the door.
"One question, Zyliah."
I turned to face him, feeling like an emotional mess. "What?"
"Was there ever a time you felt anything for me?" I'd never seen him look this emotionally tortured before. He looked like a man whose hope had been dimmed.
I let my eyes roam down so I wouldn't keep looking into those eyes. I processed my answer in my mind. This wasn't going to work anyway, so maybe telling him the truth won't hurt anybody.
"Yes. Even right now, Sayge. I...I love you." I confessed through trembling lips, my vision blurred for the umpteenth time.
He started to approach me; I held up a hand.
"I love you, Sayge, so much that what you did to me hurts so bad, no matter how many times I try to forget. To...to pretend everything is fine. I love you. But I've learned the hard way that love isn't everything..." I couldn't stop the tears from streaming hard now. "...you can love someone and still not be with them, and...a-and that is o-okay." My sobs came out broken; I had to place a hand over my mouth to stop them.
I wouldn't let him come touch me, so he stood before me, lost and terrified. "We can fix this." I heard the tremor.
I had to stop the sob and force myself to push through to the end without breaking down again.
I met his gaze. "How do you fix Claire so she goes back to being un-pregnant?" He opened his mouth to speak, and I shook my head. "And no, don't tell me you'll have her remove it. That's an innocent child right there who doesn't deserve that fate."
He closed his mouth and gave a despairing shake of his head. And when he spoke, his voice was low and coarse. "I don't know."
I turned away from him, facing the door. "Please open the door."
"Zyliah..."
"We're done talking, Sayge. Please don't make this harder than it already is." I wanted to scream, to bawl, to yell... anything to get rid of these emotions causing unrest within me.
But not here. Not with him watching and looking like I'd just stomped on his heart when, in reality, he had stomped on mine.
Quietly, he placed his thumb, and the door clicked open. In a blur of tears and heartache, I dashed out of there, accidentally bumping into someone.
"Hey!"
It was Claire, but I didn't stop. I didn't pay her any mind. I just ran all the way to my room.