Chapter 76 The Dance
CAITLYN'S POV
I could not stop thinking about the dance. About how it felt to be in Jason's arms moving to music. About how, for those few minutes, I forgot about Collin, the trial, and everything else.
I forgot what it felt like to exist without fear. To do something normal like dancing without worrying about who was watching or what would happen next.
"You are smiling," Jason said. We were making dinner together and he kept glancing over at me.
"I am thinking about earlier," I said. "About dancing with you."
"That was fun," Jason said. "We should do it again sometime."
"I would like that," I said.
We finished making dinner and ate together. The food was good but I barely tasted it. I was too busy thinking about that night at the bar. The night I first met Jason.
I had been so scared that night. Scared of Collin. Scared of what my life had become. Scared of everything. And then Jason asked me to dance, and for a few minutes, I felt safe.
"What are you thinking about?" Jason asked.
"That first night," I said. "At the bar. When we danced the first time."
"What about it?" Jason asked.
"I was so scared that night," I said. "I did not know what I was going to do. I just knew I needed to get away from Collin even if it was just for a few hours."
"And then you met me," Jason said.
"And then I met you," I agreed. "And everything changed."
"For better or worse?" Jason asked.
"Definitely better," I said. "Even with everything that has happened. Even with all the danger and hiding. It is still better than being with Collin."
"That is a low bar," Jason said.
"Maybe," I said. "But you cleared it by a mile."
After dinner, we cleaned up, and Jason turned the radio back on. The same station as earlier. Playing old songs that reminded me of simpler times.
"Want to dance again?" Jason asked.
"Are you asking or telling?" I said.
"Asking," Jason said. "Always asking. Never telling."
"Then yes," I said. "I want to dance again."
He took my hand and pulled me close. We started swaying to the music just like before. Except this time I was not hesitant. This time I leaned into him and let myself feel safe.
"You are different tonight," Jason said.
"Different how?" I asked.
"More relaxed," Jason said. "More present. Like you are actually here instead of somewhere else in your head."
"I am here," I said. "For the first time in a long time, I am actually here in this moment."
"Good," Jason said. "I like you here."
We danced through two songs before I said anything else. I was just enjoying the feeling of being close to him. Of not being afraid.
"Do you remember what you said to me that first night?" I asked.
"I said a lot of things," Jason said. "Which part?"
"You said I looked like I needed saving," I said. "And I told you I did not need saving. I just needed a dance."
"I remember," Jason said.
"I lied," I said. "I did need saving. I just did not want to admit it."
"And now?" Jason asked.
"Now I do not need saving anymore," I said. "I just need you."
"You have me," Jason said. "You have always had me."
I looked up at him. "When did you know? When did you know you wanted to help me?"
"The second I saw you," Jason said. "You walked into that bar looking terrified and I knew something was wrong. Knew you were in trouble. And I knew I wanted to help you even if I did not know how."
"That was brave of you," I said. "Getting involved with someone else's problems."
"It was not brave," Jason said. "It was selfish. I wanted to know you. Wanted to be near you. So I used helping you as an excuse."
"That is not selfish," I said. "That is human."
We kept dancing and I realized how much had changed since that first night. Back then I was married to Collin and pregnant and completely trapped. Now I was still pregnant but I was free. And I was with someone who actually cared about me.
"What are you thinking about now?" Jason asked.
"About how different everything is," I said. "About how much has changed in just a few months."
"Is that good or bad?" Jason asked.
"Good," I said without hesitation. "Definitely good. Even though it has been scary and dangerous it has been worth it."
"Worth it how?" Jason asked.
"Worth it because I am free," I said. "Because I am with you. Because I get to raise this baby the way I want to raise it instead of how Collin wanted. All of that is worth the fear."
"I am glad you feel that way," Jason said.
"Do you?" I asked. "Do you think it has been worth it? Risking your life for me?"
"Absolutely," Jason said. "You are the best thing that has ever happened to me Caitlyn. I would risk everything for you."
"You already have risked everything," I said. "You got shot because of me. You are hiding because of me. Your whole life is upside down because of me."
"And I would do it all again," Jason said. "In a heartbeat. Without question."
I started crying again. I cried so much lately that I was starting to annoy myself.
"Why are you crying?" Jason asked.
"Because no one has ever said things like that to me before," I said. "No one has ever made me feel like I was worth risking something for."
"Then those people were idiots," Jason said. "You are worth everything."
The song changed to something faster and Jason spun me. I laughed, and he smiled, and for a moment everything was perfect.
"Do you think we will make it?" I asked. "Do you think we will survive all this and actually have a future together?"
"I know we will," Jason said. "Because we have to. Because the alternative is not acceptable."
"The alternative is me dying," I said. "Or you dying, or both of us dying. Those are pretty real possibilities."
"Then we will make sure they do not happen," Jason said. "We will be smart and careful and we will survive. And when this is all over we will have the life we deserve."
"What kind of life is that?" I asked.
"Whatever kind you want," Jason said. "We can stay here. We can move somewhere new. We can do whatever makes you happy."
"I just want to be with you," I said. "And raise this baby. And not have to look over my shoulder constantly. That is all I want."
"Then that is what we will have," Jason said.
We danced until I was too tired to stand. Then we moved to the couch and I curled up against him.
"Thank you for tonight," I said.
"For what?" Jason asked. "All we did was dance."
"Exactly," I said. "We did something normal, I needed that more than you know."
"Then we will do it again tomorrow," Jason said. "And the day after that. As many times as you want."
"Promise?" I asked.
"Promise," Jason said.