Chapter 125 Sleepless Nights
JASON'S POV
It was two in the morning and Emma was screaming. Not crying. Screaming. Like someone was hurting her. I jumped out of bed and ran to her bassinet.
"What is wrong?" Caitlyn asked. She was right behind me. "Why is she crying like that?"
"I do not know," I said. I picked Emma up and she kept screaming. Her face was red. Her little fists were clenched. She was so upset.
"Is she hungry?" Caitlyn asked.
"She ate an hour ago," I said. "She cannot be hungry already."
"Maybe she is," Caitlyn said. "Let me try."
She took Emma and tried to feed her but Emma would not latch. Just kept screaming. Caitlyn looked at me with panic in her eyes.
"What if something is wrong?" Caitlyn asked. "What if she is sick? Should we call the doctor?"
"Let me check her diaper," I said.
I changed Emma's diaper even though it was barely wet. She kept screaming the whole time. Nothing was helping. Nothing was working.
"Try rocking her," Caitlyn said.
I picked Emma up and walked around the room rocking her. Singing to her. Talking to her. She screamed louder.
"This is not working," I said. "Nothing is working."
"What are we doing wrong?" Caitlyn asked. She was crying now too. "Why cannot we figure this out? We are terrible parents."
"We are not terrible parents," I said. "We just do not know what she needs. Give me your phone. I am calling the nurse hotline."
Caitlyn handed me her phone and I called the number the hospital gave us. A nurse answered on the third ring.
"Hi," I said. "My baby will not stop crying. She is screaming and we do not know what to do."
"How old is the baby?" the nurse asked. She sounded calm. Not worried at all.
"Three days," I said. "We brought her home yesterday."
"And you have tried feeding her? Changing her? Checking for anything uncomfortable?" the nurse asked.
"We tried everything," I said. "Nothing works."
"Sometimes babies just cry," the nurse said. "Especially newborns. They are adjusting to the world. To all the new sensations. Try skin-to-skin contact. Take off her clothes and hold her against your chest. The warmth and your heartbeat might calm her."
"Okay," I said. "We will try that. Thank you."
I hung up and looked at Caitlyn. "The nurse said to try skin to skin."
"Okay," Caitlyn said. "Let me do it."
"You are exhausted," I said. "I will do it. You try to rest."
I took off my shirt and Caitlyn undressed Emma down to her diaper. I held her against my chest. Her skin was so soft. So warm. She was still crying but not as loudly.
I sat in the rocking chair and just held her. Rocked slowly. Felt her little body against mine. Her tiny heart is beating. After a few minutes, she started to calm down. The screaming turned to crying. Then to whimpering. Then to nothing.
"She stopped," Caitlyn whispered. "You did it."
"We did it," I said. "Together."
I kept rocking Emma. She was falling asleep now. Her little eyes are closing. Her breathing is getting slower. I did not want to move. Did not want to wake her. So I just sat there holding my daughter.
Caitlyn came over and sat on the floor next to the rocking chair. Put her head on my knee. We stayed like that for a long time. Me holding Emma. Caitlyn is next to me. All of us together.
"I was so scared," Caitlyn said quietly. "When she would not stop crying. I thought we were doing something wrong. I thought we were failing her already."
"We are not failing her," I said. "We are learning. This is all new. For her and for us. We are going to make mistakes. But we are also going to figure it out."
"What if we do not?" Caitlyn asked. "What if we cannot figure it out? What if we are not good at this?"
"Then we get help," I said. "We ask questions. We call the nurses. We do whatever we need to do. But we do not give up. We keep trying."
"You are right," Caitlyn said. "We keep trying."
Emma was fully asleep now. Completely relaxed against my chest. I could feel her breathing. Slow and steady. It was the most amazing feeling. Holding my daughter. Knowing she was safe. Knowing she was loved.
"I love her so much," I said. "I did not know it was possible to love someone this much. It scares me."
"Why does it scare you?" Caitlyn asked.
"Because I would do anything for her," I said. "I would die for her. And that is terrifying. Having someone you love so much that you would give up your own life to protect them."
"I feel the same way," Caitlyn said. "The moment they put her on my chest I knew. I knew I would do anything for her. Fight anyone. Face anything. Just to keep her safe."
"We are going to protect her," I said. "Both of us. She is going to grow up safe and loved and happy. No matter what it takes."
"No matter what it takes," Caitlyn repeated.
I carefully stood up and walked over to the bassinet. Laid Emma down gently. She stirred a little but did not wake up. Just kept sleeping peacefully.
"Come to bed," I said to Caitlyn. "Try to sleep while she is sleeping."
"Okay," Caitlyn said.
We got into bed and I pulled her close. We were both exhausted. Neither of us had slept more than an hour at a time in three days. But we were happy. Despite the exhaustion. Despite the crying. Despite not knowing what we were doing. We were happy.
"Thank you," Caitlyn said.
"For what?" I asked.
"For being such a good dad," Caitlyn said. "For staying calm when I was panicking. For figuring out what Emma needed. For being exactly what we both need."
"I am just doing my best," I said. "Trying to be the dad she deserves. The husband you deserve."
"You are," Caitlyn said. "You are more than I ever hoped for."
An hour later Emma woke up crying again. I got up. Fed her a bottle of pumped milk. Changed her diaper. Rocked her back to sleep. Put her down. Climbed back into bed.
Two hours later the same thing. Up. Feed. Change. Rock. Sleep. Repeat.
By the time the sun came up, I had been awake most of the night. Caitlyn too. We looked at each other across the bed. Both of us have dark circles under our eyes. Both of us were completely wiped out.
"We survived the night," Caitlyn said.
"Barely," I said.
"How many more nights like this?" Caitlyn asked.
"I do not know," I said. "Weeks? Months? The books said it gets better eventually."
"Eventually," Caitlyn said. "That is not very specific."
"No it is not," I said.
Emma started making little sounds. Not crying yet but waking up. We both groaned.
"Your turn," Caitlyn said.
"I did the last three times," I said.
"Fine," Caitlyn said. "I will get her."
She got up and picked up Emma. Sat in the rocking chair and started feeding her. I watched them. My wife and my daughter. The two most important people in my world.
I was exhausted. More tired than I had ever been in my life. But I was also filled with love. With purpose. With joy. This was hard. H
arder than I thought it would be. But it was also worth it. Every sleepless night. Every moment of exhaustion. It was worth it for Emma.