Chapter 86 Lessons in Darkness
SERA
The scent of ozone and blood filled the training room.
From the doorway, I observed Kael's seventh attempt to control void energy and its subsequent failure. Every attempt ended the same way: Arianna had to snap him back before the darkness engulfed him, his eyes turned black, and frost covered the floor.
"Again," Arianna commanded. No sympathy. Just cold instruction.
Kael's mouth tightened. Even though his skin was abnormally cold, sweat still trickled off of it. "This isn't working."since you're battling it like an adversary.
Void responds to acceptance, not resistance." Arianna circled him.
"You never stop attempting to control it. This isn't how it operates." "So, how does it operate?" You accept it.
Acknowledge it's part of you now. She paused.
"The void isn't your enemy, Kael. Your fear is. "I'm living because of my fear." You're being kept weak by your fear. She made a pointed motion. The Shade will be twice as powerful after three days. It will destroy you if you cannot use void power without losing yourself. In either case, Elena prevails.
Kael looked at his hands. Black veins crawled beneath his skin. "What if accepting it means accepting I'm already lost?"
"Then you were lost the second you came back from the dead." Arianna's voice got a little softer. But you're stuck between who you were and who you're becoming. That state in between? That's what's going to kill you.
"So I should just become void?"
"Stop treating this like a battle you can win through force. The void is you now. Part of your soul. Accept that, and you can actually control it."
I couldn't keep my mouth shut. "That sounds like exactly what Elena wants."
Arianna looked at me with her ice-blue eyes and said, "No." Elena wants him to keep fighting until he can't anymore.
That creates chaos. Madness." She looked back at Kael. "But if he accepts it consciously, he stays Kael. Just Kael with different power."
"You make it sound simple." It's frightful. However, it is the only route that does not result in his death or worse.
She moved closer. "Try again. This time, don't fight. Just acknowledge. The void is part of you. Say it. Mean it."
Kael closed his eyes. His whole body was tense.
"The void is part of me." You are deceiving yourself. "I hear it." Arianna's voice was piercing. You don't think it's true. You must sense it for me.
To accept it down to your bones.
"I don't know how." At that point, our efforts will have been in vain.
She turned away. Started gathering her books. "Come back when you are ready to actually try."
"Arianna—"
"I've watched twelve vampires try to master void magic. Every single one who resisted lost themselves completely." Her voice dropped. "But the two who accepted it? They're still walking around. Still themselves."
"Who?" I asked.
She hesitated. Then sighed. "One of them is standing in this room right now."
Silence crashed down.
Kael's eyes widened. "You're void-touched?"
"For three hundred years. Since I tried to bring my daughter back from death." Arianna's face was carefully blank. "I didn't find her. But I brought something back. The same cold you're carrying."
"I never knew."
"Because I learned control. Learned acceptance." She pulled back her sleeve. Black veins identical to Kael's ran up her arm. "I feed it small amounts regularly. In exchange, it gives me power and stays quiet. We have an arrangement."
"You make it sound like a negotiation."
"That is exactly what it is. The void wants life force. I provide regular offerings and it doesn't consume me." She covered her arm. "It's not perfect. Some days are harder. But I'm still me. Still Arianna."
I moved closer to Kael.
"Why didn't you let us know sooner?" Because Kael had to get to this place on his own.
Arianna looked at Kael. "So here it is. You can keep fighting the void and eventually it'll consume you. Or you can accept it, work with it, and possibly retain yourself."
"Those are terrible options."
"They're the only options." No apology. Just fact. "Elena knew you'd resist. Knew the fighting would tear you apart. That's why she cursed the blade. She's betting on your pride. Your fear."
For a long time, Kael was quiet. His speech was so quiet that you could scarcely hear it. "What if I agree to it and still lose myself?"
"Then you'll have Sera. Nyx. Me. Theron. All of us watching. Ready to pull you back if you slip."
Arianna's face relaxed. You're not the only one going through this, nephew. You don't have to get it right the first time. You just need to start trying the correct way instead of the wrong way.
He looked at me. Those red eyes searching for something. Permission maybe. Or reassurance.
I took his hand. Felt the unnatural cold.
He could feel the vacuum pounding under his skin. I didn't fall in love with you because you were perfect. I fell in love with you because you were authentic. Not perfect. Battling. No matter what you become or how dark you are, you are still you.
Still Kael. Still mine."
"Even if I'm part monster?"
"I'm part monster too. Remember? Half-blood abomination?" I smiled. "We can be monsters together."
Something shifted in his face. Not acceptance yet. But maybe the beginning of it.
He turned back to Arianna. "Teach me. The right way this time."
"Good." She moved to the center of the room. Drew new symbols on the floor. "This won't be comfortable. But it's necessary."
"What do I do?"
"Sit. Center yourself. Then invite the void forward. Talk to it like it's part of you that's been ignored." She began preparations. "This will hurt. Emotionally. Psychologically. The void feeds on darkness, which means it knows every shadow in your soul."
"Perfect. Looking forward to it."
Despite everything, I almost smiled. That dry sarcasm was pure Kael.
Arianna positioned him in the center. Placed crystals around him that pulsed with faint black light. "Sera, you should probably leave. This gets intense."
"I'm staying."
"It might be better—"
"I'm staying." I repeated. "He faces his darkness, I face it with him."
Kael looked grateful. Terrified. Both.
"Then stay quiet. Don't interfere no matter what you see. Breaking his concentration could shatter his mind." Arianna began chanting. Old words. Void words.
The darkness came.
It poured out of Kael like smoke, like shadow. His eyes rolled back. His body went rigid.
And he screamed.
Not in pain. In recognition. In horror. In grief.
"What's happening?" I demanded.
"He's seeing. Understanding. Every choice he regrets. Every person he failed. The void is showing him who he is."
Arianna's voice sounded strained. "Have faith in the process."
I saw my husband drown in his own darkness and made myself stay still.
The shadows gave me hints.
Elena dying. Screaming his name.
The death of his sibling. There was blood on his hands.
Hundreds of years of abuse. Of ruling through fear.
And deep inside, the emptiness murmured, "This is who you are." Stop acting. Accept. Kael gasped, "No." "I'm not just that."
I'm not only darkness."
Then what else are you?
Kael's eyes opened. Still black. But aware. "I'm the man who tried to change. Who bonded with someone I should have killed. Who chose love over pride. Who died to save his daughter and walked back because he wasn't done building a better world."
And the darkness? The cruelty? The blood?
"Is part of me. Was always part of me. But it's not all of me." His voice strengthened. "I accept what I was. What I am. What I'm becoming. The void is mine. The darkness is mine. But so is the light. So is the love. So is the choice to be better."
The shadows stopped churning. Went still.
Then slowly, impossibly, they flowed back into Kael. Not fighting. Returning home.
His eyes cleared. Red again. But different. Calmer.
He stood. The void energy around him was controlled. Flowing instead of erupting.
"How do you feel?" Arianna asked.
Kael looked at his hands. At the black veins that no longer pulsed with chaos. "Like myself. But more. Like I've been fighting with one arm tied and someone finally cut the rope."
"The void?"
"Is quiet. Still there. Still hungry. But listening now. Waiting for instruction instead of trying to take control." He met my eyes. "I think it worked."
I pulled him into my arms. He was still cold but not freezing. Still dangerous but controlled.
"Three days," he said quietly. "We have three days to prepare. To stop Elena. And now I can actually fight without losing myself."
"One problem solved," I said. "Fifty more to go."
"Story of our lives."
"Your Majesty!" Theron burst through the door. "We found something. The vessel. We know where Elena's building it."
Kael straightened. "Where?"
"The old throne room. The same place the Shade is supposed to appear." Theron's face was grim. "She's building her trap right where the battle will happen. Planning to capture you the moment you transform."
"Then we spring the trap early. Before the Shade arrives." Kael looked at me. At Arianna. "We end this now."
Or we die trying.