KABANATA 42

Madison’s POV

Nang makarating na ako sa pedestrian lane malapit sa unibersidad ay nakita ko si Russel na masaya akong kinakawayan mula sa kabilang kalsada. Kaliwa’t kanan man ang mga sasakyang dumaraan sa gitna naming dalawa, tanging si Russel lamang ang taong nakikita ko sa mga oras na ‘to. Nang masilayan ko ang ngiti sa labi niya noong makita ako ay agad na tumulo na parang rumaragasang ilog ang mga luha sa aking mga mata dahil sa takot na baka nalalapit na nga ang pagtatapos ng aming kwento.

Hindi nagtagal ay huminto na isa-isa ang mga sasakyang kanina lang ay singbilis ng hangin kung tumakbo. Nakita ni Russel ang pagluha ko kung kaya’t agad na naglaho sa kanyang labi yung ngiting sintamis ng simoy ng mga bulaklak. Tumakbo ako ng mabilis noong napatawid ako ng kalsada papunta sa kanya. Matapos akong makalapit ay kanya namang binuksan para sa akin ang magkabila niyang mga braso, kung kaya’t napalundag ako at yumakap sa kanya ng sobrang higpit.

“B-babe what’s wrong? May problema ba? May nangyari bang masama?” mahinang bulong niya sa tenga ko habang marahang hinihimas yung likod ko. Hindi ko napigilan ang hindi mapahagulhol sa pag-iyak dahil sa takot na baka hindi ko na uli maramdaman yung init ng kanyang yakap.

My throat got try because of too much sobbing. He kept on asking me why I am crying but no words came out into my mouth. All I want to do is to hug him as tight as I can and as much as I can. I’m scared that once I let go from that hug then everything will be over. I’m scared of the thought that someday I will be losing him. Russel is the only one that I have right now. How am I still going to continue life without him?

Magmula ng dumating siya sa buhay ko, pakiramdam ko ay nakakuha ako ng kaibigan, karamay at taong tatanggap sa akin Hindi ko alam kung papaano ko pa ipagpapatuloy ang buhay na nasanay na akong kasama siya. Sa kanya ko lamang naisugal yung puso ko, kung kaya’t hindi ako sigurado kung magagawa ko pa bang sumugal uli sa pag-ibig. Gusto ko siyang ipaglaban hanggang sa huli. Pero ang tanong, hanggang kailan namin kayang hawakan ang mga kamay ng isa’t isa? Hanggang kailan namin kayang panindigan ang mga salitang, ‘Mahal kita.’?

“Hey, baby what’s wrong?” pagtatanong niya sa akin noong mahinto ako saglit sa pag-iyak. Hinamplos niya yung magkabila kong mga pisnge na ngayon ay punong-puno yung mga mata niya ng sobrang pag-aalala.

“I-I just wish that you were not a Silverio. Hindi ko alam… Hindi ko alam Russel na sobrang hirap palang makipagsabayan sa mundong ginagalawan mo,” humihikbing naging sagot ko sa kanya habang patuloy yung pagpatak ng maiinit na mga luha mula sa gilid ng aking mga mata.

“I just wish you were not born with a silver spoon. Sana normal na tao ka na lamang din gaya ko. Para kang tala sa kalawakan na kahit anong gawin ko… kahit na anong gawin ko ay hindi ko maaabot,” dagdag ko pang sabi sa kanya.

Russel was not able to utter a single word after hearing those words from me. He gently grabbed my body closer to him then gave me a hug as he ran his fingertips through my hair. A moment of silence embraced our surrounding at the middle of that crowded street. When I finally had able to recollect myself after that situation, we decided to take a little bit of break and sit beside each other in a restaurant.

“Are you now, okay? Tell me how you feel right now,” pagtatanong sa akin ni Russel noong mailapag ko na sa lamesa yung baso ng tubig na ininom ko.

“Yeah. I’m sorry for acting so strange a while ago. Maybe it’s just my hormones since my period will be a week from now,” pagsisinungaling na sabi ko kay Russel. Ayoko na lamang ikuwento yung tungkol sa naging pag-uusap namin ng kanyang ina dahil mas lalong mag-aalala lamang siya oras na nagkwento ako.

“Are you sure that it was really just your hormones, babe? Because for me, it doesn’t seem to be that way,” he said, obviously he was not yet convinced. Russel looked at me with his eyes filled with worries.

“Yeah. It is really normal for girls to experience a sudden shift of emotions. We always tend to be so overdramatic at some point of our lives so yeah… that is just my hormones. There is nothing you should get worried about,” mahabang paliwanag ko pa sa kanya.

Bakas ko sa mga mata ni Russel na hindi pa rin siya kuntento sa naging pagsisinungaling ko. His eyes searched mine, as if he was still looking for the truth, I kept on hiding from him. He leaned against the table, reached his hand across the table to me. When he looked at me with dead seriousness a sudden panic flowed throughout my body. When I saw that he was about to speak, I immediately preceded him.

“I-I’m really fine, babe. No need to get worried,” I even stuttered while lying to him. His mouth cocks to the side as he crossed his arms. He drew a breath like he still wants to say something to me but let his protest drift away on the cold breeze of wind instead.

“Girls are just drama queens. Pakiramdam lagi namin ay nasa pelikula kami parati kaya kung makaarte kami ay aka-“

“Mahal, kung parang tala man ako na hindi mo kayang abutin… tandaan mong handa akong bumaba dito sa mundo para makasama ka,” giit niya habang pinipisil-pisil niya yung kamay kong hawak niya.

“Paano kung ang kapalit ng pagbaba mo dito sa mundo ay mawala sa’yo yung magandang buhay na mayroon ka?" pagtatanong ko sa kanya sabay kagat labi upang mapigilan ang pagtulo ng mga luhang nakaimbak sa ilalim ng aking mga mata.

“I will only have the best life, if only in that life I have you, Madison. There is nothing I will be regretting if I come to you, “ Russel answered.

******

Russel’s POV.

We had a very quiet ride as we drive home. Madison didn’t even bother to ask me how did my day went. I also haven’t asked her much about her day because she is very gloomy and sad this afternoon, and I don’t know what went wrong this time. Ilang beses ko siyang sinulyapan habang nagmamaneho ako pero buong biyahe ay tahimik lamang itong nakatitig sa labas ng bintana. Ilang beses ko din siyang tinanong kong may problema ba, pero wala siyang ibang isinasagot sa akin maliban na lang sa kanyang pagsisinungaling.

I am not stupid for me to never notice that there is something bothering her this afternoon. I know something really happened, but I can’t just understand why she would not want to tell it to me. I wanted to know what’s wrong, so that we could figure it out together. No matter how much I think about it, I just can’t find any answers into my question.

Nang makapasok na kami ng bahay ay hindi pa din siya nagsasalita kung kaya’t nagdesisyon na akong kausapin na siya. Matapos ko siyang makita na akmang aakyat na sana ng hagdan ay marahan kong hinawakan yung braso niya at iniharap siya sa direksyon ko. “Baby, are we still going to have that movie you were talking about earlier?” I asked her softly. When she turned her face to give me a close look, I saw tired eyes that puffed through her face.

“I don’t feel watching Netflix tonight, babe. Maybe next time. I wanted to rest, since I had a really long day,” seryosong sagot niya sa akin. The smile that I had on my face earlier disappeared like a thin dust of air. The flickers of hope that she would finally tell me what happened, died at that moment.

“Oh. Okay. By the way, I asked the maids to change my bedsheet, for you to have a comfortable sleep tonight.”

“Thanks, but I’ll be sleeping in my room tonight, baby. Gusto ko muna sanang mag-isa,” mahinang giit niya sa akin. Disappointment flashed against my face after she told me that she doesn’t want to sleep beside me tonight. I sighed with a heavy heart, but I still manage gave her a smile despite of the fact that I was really disappointed.

“Alright. Sleep tight, my princess. Just please visit me on my dream tonight,” I said then I leaned forward to give her a kiss on her forehead.

“Goodnight, baby,” she said softly and went upstairs without even giving me a last glance.

I sighed and threw myself on the couch after she went inside her room. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath while analyzing what really happened earlier. May nagawa ba akong naging dahilan para malungkot siya ng sobra? Kahit ilang beses ko mang isipin ay walang ibang pumapasok sa isip ko na pwedeng maging dahilan upang biglang sumama yung loob niya. I was very cautious when it comes to her feelings because I don’t like to make her feel bad about anything, especially when it comes to our relationship.

Magmula noong naging kami ni Madison ay ipinangako ko sa sarili kong hinding hindi ko sasaktan ang gaya niya, dahil alam ko kung gaano na siya nadurog sa mga masasakit na pangyayari sa buhay niya noon. Ayoko ng dagdagan pa yung kanyang mga naging sugat dulot ng masasakit na kahapon. Ipinangako ko sa sarili ko na ako yung magbabalik ng mga ngiting ninakaw sa kanya ng mundo. Nang makita ko siyang umiiyak na yumakap sa akin kanina ay hindi ko maipaliwanag kung gaano nadurog yung puso ko. I want to protect her from the cruelty of the world. She is so soft and fragile, and that makes me want to protect her more.

I was in the middle of organizing my thoughts when I received a text message from Zeijan. He was asking if I am free tonight and if I could spend a time with them. I texted him back that I will be coming over to meet them. Umakyat ako hanggang sa marating ko na yung kuwarto ni Madison. Nang akmang kakatok na sana ako upang magpaalam ay bigla kong pinigilan ang aking sarili, sa takot na baka maistorbo ko lamang siya.

Napansin kong hindi niya nilock yung pinto, kung kaya’t dahan-dahan ko itong binuksan. Nasilip kong patay na yung ilaw sa loob ng kanyang kuwarto at nakahilata na ito sa kama. Napabuntong hininga na lamang ako dahil ang totoo ay gusto kong pag-usapan namin yung problema, pero mukhang hindi pa ito yung tamang panahon para pilitin ko siyang sabihin sa akin kung ano nga ba talagang yung bumabagabag sa kanya.

“I guess I just need to let her be alone with her thoughts for now,” I whispered into myself. I gently closed the door and walked away. Pinili kong intindihin siya kaysa pilitin itong sabihin sa akin ang totoo.

I drove at the usual hangout place to meet my friends. When I get out from the car, I stood tall on the front street while staring at the intimidating fortress, the Octagon Club House. This is where I first met Madison, on the exact night of Valentine’s Day. I was a bit tipsy when she came over to hand me a bottle of alcoholic drink. Who would have imagined that I would be able to meet an unforgettable woman in this club house? Her smile is always contagious and beautiful, and that makes her remarkable at all times.

Pagpasok ko sa loob ay agad akong binati ng babaeng nagmamay-ari ng club house. Ngumiti naman ako sa kanya dahil matagal na kaming magkakilala. Madalas kasi kaming tumambay dito ng mga kaibigan ko lalo na noong hindi pa ako naikakasal kay Giselle. Palagi kaming kumukuha ng kuwarto at doon nagpapalipas ng aming mga oras.

“Good evening, Mr. Silverio. Your friends are already waiting for you at the second floor,” nakangiting saad nito sa akin.

“Thank you for letting me know. I’ll go ahead,” I gleamed at her with a smile.