Chapter 28 – A hurt smile.

“Thanks for bringing Michael here, Ethan,” Ally told Ethan when he entered her room after Michale left.

“He’s just the first of the many that I’d be bringing here for you,” he answered, sitting on a chair beside her bed. Nakaupo naman siya sa gilid ng kama kaya magkaharap sila. But since her bed was higher, mas mataas siya kaysa sa posisyon ni Ethan. “Except for Katie, pinapahanap ko pa siya.”

Natawa siya nang mahina. Oo, hindi na siya galit na ‘andoon na naman ito. Parang nasasanay na nga siya that when he came late that day, nalungkot na siya na baka hindi ito darating. Iyon pala may bitbit itong kaibigan niya.

“Thank you,” muli niyang sabi. “Sa totoo lang, hindi ko iniexpect na may makikita pa ako kahit na isa sa inyo bago ako mawala. I thought I would just die a lonely death.”

“There you go again, Allison.” Ethan sighed and took her hands. Tapos hinuli nito ang mga tingin niya sa mga matiim nitong titig. “Can we make a deal?”

“Hmn?” aniyang tila nalulunod. Para siyang nawawala sa mga titig nito.

From the time they first had that eye contact up to this time, pareho pa rin ang epekto nito sa kanya.

“Pwede bang ‘wag mo nang babanggitin ulit na mamamatay ka na?” nakikiusap na hiling ng binata.

“But it’s the truth, Ethan,” napayuko at mahina niyang sagot. “We cannot change it.”

“Just agree to never mention it again, Ally,” he continued. “Let’s try to forget about your condition, can you do that?” malumanay nitong tanong na umaasang papayag siya.

“Would it change anything?” tumulo ang luha niya nang muli siyang tumingin kay Ethan.

“I don’t know,” he answered honestly as he reached to dry her tears with his hands. “But it would make things easier for us. It’s painful to always talk about it, Ally. Can we pretend that you are not sick? Can we pretend that we aren’t against time?”

Imbes tumahan, mas lalo siyang napaiyak. Bakit gusto pa ni Ethan na magpanggap silang okay ang lahat kahit na nagsusumigaw na ang katotohanang malapit na siyang mawala?

“You don’t need to stay with me if it’s hurting you already, Ethan,” mahina niyang sabi.

“But I want to be with you, Ally. Kung pwede lang na dito na ako tumira para hindi ka na ulit mawala sa paningin ko, gagawin ko.”

“Paano kapag nawala na ako, Ethan? What would you do?”

Napapikit ito na parang nasaktan ito nang sobra sa simpleng tanong niya na ‘yon.

“If you really have to go, then I cannot do anything about it,” sabi nitong tumingala nang bahagya para marahil itulak pabalik ang mga luhang sumungaw sa mga mata nito. Ethan was holding back his tears. Alam ni Ally na nagpapakatatag lang ito sa harapan niya. “But until then, can we stop talking about it?”

“Do you promise to be happy for me when I’m finally free from all this pain?”

He nodded. “Please, can we talk about something else now? How do you want to go outside? Let’s stroll around the grounds.”

She forced a smile and gently shook her head. “Maybe some other time. I want to rest now, Ethan.”

“Then can I accompany you?”

She patted the space beside her as an answer. Several minutes later, Allison fell asleep in Ethan’s arms. And if she would be honest, that’s the fastest she’d ever drifted off to dreamland in two years.

***

“Allison! Long time no see! Kung saan-saan kami naghanap ni Shanna, narito ka lang pala!”

That was Leio. Pinuntahan agad nito si Ally at binati na parang wala itong nakitang hindi maganda sa kondisyon ng dalaga.

Nakita ni Ethan na tumawa si Allison. That’s one thing na gusto niya sa kaibigan. Si Leio iyong least serious sa kanilang tatlo nina Zion. Ito ‘yong tipong relax lang at marunong umintindi sa reaksyong kailangan sa isang sitwasyon. Gaya ngayon, hindi nito ipinakita kay Ally na nagulat ito at apektado ito ng kalagayan nito. Instead, he greeted her with his most hated kiss in her girl’s cheek kahit pa alam nitong nakikita niya iyon.

“Ally is not doing good, is she?” tanong ni Zion na hindi muna lumapit kay Ally para si Leio na muna ang mauna.

Nagpapahangin sa labas si Ally nang dumating sila. She smiled at him when their eyes met. Pero naunahan siya ni Leio na lumapit kaya hinayaan na muna niya ang kaibigan niya.

His friends couldn’t also believe what happened to Allison. Kaya nang ayain niya ang mga ito papunta ro’n, ni hindi siya nagdalawang sabi. Leio and Zion even told him na kahit kunwaring galit pa siya kay Ally at ayaw niyang pumunta sila, hindi siya susundin ng mga ito.

And he understood where they were coming from. Allison was once a part of the gang. Naging close ito kina Leio at Zion noon. In fact, ngayon na lang din niya nalaman na masama ang loob ng dalawa niyang kaibigan sa kanya kasi naniwala siyang pinagpalit siya ni Ally sa pera. Hindi lang nagsalita ang mga ito bilang respeto sa damdamin niya.

And because between him and Ally, they would choose him being that they were already friends since they were kids. Pero kahit gano’n, hindi niya kasamang naniwala at nagalit kay Ally sina Leio at Zion.

Thinking about it now, sana pala noon, sa halip na pinagbawalan niya ang mga ito na banggitin ang pangalan ni Ally sa presensya niya, he should’ve talked to them and sought their advice. Baka sakali, naisalba pa ang relasyon nila ni Ally noon. Baka sakali, wala sila sa sitwasyon kung nasaan sila ngayon.

If it weren’t of his pride, then he wouldn’t be in this situation now where time was his enemy.

“She is getting weaker everyday,” halos hindi iyon lumabas sa bibig niya. He was denying that truth to himself kahit na nakikita niya ang papahina na nitong katawan sa araw-araw na naroon siya. Hindi niya kasi matatanggap iyon.

“Have you found a Doctor yet?” Zion asked. Nabanggit niya sa mga kaibigan na naghahanap siya ng tatanggap pa kay Ally.

He shook his head. “But I’m not giving up yet. You know me. Wala akong hindi kayang gawin.”

Zion smirked as he patted him on his shoulder. “I never once doubted your abilities to do the impossible, Ethan. Do everything for Ally,” he said, walking past him to approach Ally and Leio.

‘But why do I feel like I can no longer do anything?’ he asked himself. ‘Why do I feel like I’m already losing her? Why do I feel so useless?’

He looked at his friends and Allison. Ipinagkait niya si Ally sa mga kaibigan niya ng dalawang taon dahil masyado siyang naging selfish. Sarili lang niya ang inisip niya. Iyon pala, isang napakalaking pagkakamali ang ginawa niya.

Ngayon ay humahabol siya sa lahat ng pagkakataong nawala. How could he make her feel how much he loves her? Nauubusan na siya ng oras. Aminin man niya o hindi, natatakot siya. Natatakot siyang magising siya isang araw na wala na ito at huli na ang lahat.

‘I failed you, Ally…’

Kinalma muna niya ang sarili mula sa emosyong nararamdaman bago lumapit sa dalaga at sa dalawa niyang kaibigan.

“How have you been while I’m away, love?” he squatted in front of her wheelchair after gently planting a kiss on her forehead.

“Thanks for bringing them,” sa halip ay sagot nito na nakangiting tiningala sina Zion at Leio.

He smiled. A hurt smile. Allison was still firm with her decision na ‘wag siyang paasahin sa kahit ano. Para naman daw sa kanya iyon. Pero alam ba nitong labis-labis siyang nadudurog sa loob niya?

He badly wanted to hear her say that she loves him still. Yet, he couldn’t ask her for more than she could give at the moment. They would get there. He just hoped time would still be enough for them.