Chapter 27 – Have the will to live.

"Ally!"

Sa ilang taong na nakasama ni Allison si Michael, alam niyang malambot ito sa maraming bagay. Madalas, mga maliliit na bagay. But never in their five years in college did she see him cry like how he was crying in front of her now as he held her hands.

"Michael," mahinang sabi niya na agad pumiyok ang tinig sa dalawang pantig nitong pangalan.

"Ally, antagal ka naming hinanap ni Katie," he said. "Why did you leave like that? Hindi ba mga kaibigan mo kami?"

"I'm sorry," was all she managed to say.

She was happy to see her friend. Pero hindi siya masayang ganoon ang pagkikita nila. Since Shanna found her, gano'n lagi ang eksena. The people that she cut from her life were appearing in front of her, crying a river whenever they saw her condition.

"It's not yet too late, right, Allison? There's still hope for you," umaasang tanong ni Michael na hilam pa rin sa luha ang mga mata.

She shook her head. Must she tell each one of them repeatedly that her condition was already hopeless?

Yumuko si Michael, as if trying to stop himself from crying. He tried to smile when he looked at her again.

"It's fine. Siguro kailangan mo lang ng inspirasyon para lumaban. You know, there are cases na kahit hopeless na, gumagaling pa rin. Kasi hindi sila sumusuko. Hindi ka pa sumusuko, ‘di ba, Ally?”

“Narinig ko na nagtatrabaho ka para kay Ethan,” pag-iiba niya ng usapan kahit na halata namang naghihintay si Michael sa sagot niya. Sumuko na siya. But she was not about to admit that to Michael to crush his hopes. “Mabuti at pinayagan ka niyang dumalaw rito.”

“Oo, Ally. Sa totoo lang, napakalaking break ang binigay sa akin ni Ethan,” sagot ng kaibigan niya na bagamat hindi niya sinagot ay hindi naman nagpakita ng disappointment sa kanya. “Hindi ko kikitain sa ibang kompanya ang kinikita ko sa pagtatrabaho sa kanya. At napakalaking tulong no’n sa pamilya ko.”

“I’m happy na hindi ka niya dinamay sa galit niya sa akin.”

“Mabuti siyang tao, alam mo ‘yan. ‘Yong nangyari sa inyo noon, sinarili niya iyon. All that he required from us was to never mention your name. But Ally, I never believed that he ever succeeded in forgetting ‘you. Natabunan lang ng galit ang pagmamahal niya sa ‘yo. Kasi tingnan mo nga, walang twenty-four hours mula nang malaman niya ang kalagayan mo ay nagpunta siya kaagad dito. ‘Yon ba ang naka-move on?”

Hininaan ni Michael nang kaunti ang boses nito tapos ay mahinang tumawa.

She smiled faintly while biting the inside of her cheek. Pinipigilan niyang maiyak. Kahit naman siya, she never succeeded in forgetting Ethan. Kasi kahit halos mamatay-matay na siya sa sakit niya, hindi pa rin nawawala sa isip at puso niya ang binata.

Lagi niyang naiisip kung posible ba na ang unfinished business niya kay Ethan ang dahilan kung bakit buhay pa siya? Kailangan ba nila ng closure para matahimik na siya at mapayapa siyang lilisan sa mundo?

But now that she’d seen him again, natatakot na siyang mamatay. Gusto na niya itong makasama ulit. But the cruel reality was, she knew hindi na sila magkakaroon pa ng happy ending. So, why tell him how she really feels when sooner or later, she would leave him forever?

“Sorry, Ally, kung ngayon lang ako nakadalaw sa ‘yo. Nauna ko pang nalaman ang kalagayan mo kaysa kay Ethan pero hindi ako makapunta dahil sa dami ng trabaho ko. And while I know na hindi excuse ‘yon, gusto kong malaman mo na walang oras na hindi kita pinagdarasal,” paumanhin ni Michael.

“Ano ka ba? Mas importante na pag-igihan mo ang trabaho mo. Maraming umaasa sa ‘yo, Michael.”

“Kaya nagpapasalamat din ako nang sobra kay Ethan ngayon na isinama niya ako sa pagbisita niya sa ‘yo. He cares for you, Ally. Sana bigyan mo siya ng pagkakataon na patunayan niya sa ‘yo ang pagmamahal niya.”

“Kaya ka ba niya dinala rito para sabihin ‘yan?”

Umiling si Michael at muling ginagap ang mga kamay niya. “Oo, nagtatrabaho ako para sa kanya. Pero hindi kasama ro’n ang i-build up ko siya sa ‘yo. Sa nakalipas na isang linggo, maraming trabaho na ang naapektuhan dahil sa laging pagparito ni Ethan sa ‘yo. He’s been moving important meetings, delaying big projects, setting aside vital decision makings. At ‘di ko sinasabi sa ‘yo ‘to kasi kinokonsensya kita. Mr. Montenegro knew what he’s doing at alam ko na hindi babagsak ang kompanya dahil hindi siya makapag-focus.

“Allison, this is what I’m trying to tell you, the man doesn’t care about anything else but you. ‘Yong Ethan Montenegro noon na inilaban ka sa pamilya niya, siya pa rin ‘tong Ethan ngayon na nakikiusap sa ‘yo na lumaban ka sa sakit mo para sa kanya.”

Allison couldn’t help her tears anymore. Nag-unahang pumatak ang mga ‘yon sa magkabila niyang pisngi.

“Michael, this is exactly why I couldn’t accept him again. Masisira ko siya!” she cried. “Mawawala sa kanya ang mga pinaghirapan niya. I did not want to ruin him, that's why I left. Hindi p’wedeng ngayon mangyari ‘yon!”

“Don’t you trust him, Ally? Nakalimutan mo na ba kung gaano kagaling si Ethan Montenegro? Naalala mo noon, habang tayo halos mamatay na kakaaral para pumasa, siya napakarelax lang. At kapag lumabas ang resulta ng exam, kasama pa siya sa mga matataas ang marka?”

Napatingin lang siya kay Michael. What was he meaning to say? While that was true, ano namang kinalaman no’n sa sitwasyon ngayon?

“Hindi ikasisira ni Ethan kung bibigyan mo siya ng pagkakataon, Ally. Hindi siya gano’n kahina. At naniniwala ako na ikaw ang pinakamagandang nangyari sa kanya. If he would lose you to cancer, then at least, he had the opportunity to have taken care of you. Allow him to redeem himself when he made the mistake of letting you go two years ago,” pangungumbinsi ni Michael. “Denying him that chance, is what I think would be what would ruin him.”

Yumuko siya. Michael had a point. So, would she accept Ethan just to let him accompany her in her last days?

“But Ally, we are hoping that you will still recover. Have the will to live, please?” he continued in a pleading voice.

“Even if I want to, and believe me, I really want to,” binawi niya ang mga kamay mula sa pagkakahawak ng kaibigan at sa halip ay ibinaon niya ang mukha sa mga iyon. This was Michael, her best friend, siguro, okay lang umamin. “Wala na akong magagawa, Michael. My body already stopped responding to treatments. So, tell me, how do I keep that will when I know I’m going to die soon?”

“Stop thinking that you’re dying, Ally. Your mind must over rule your body. It’s all in your head, believe me.”

Allison remembered what Yanah and Bea would always tell her. She must not give up and refuse to think that she’s dying.

But how exactly would she do that when everytime she looks at herself in the mirror, all she sees is a hopeless and dying woman staring back at her?

“Think of Ethan, Ally… He needs you. Think about me, of your mom and Kyla, your friends. We still need you. We’re not yet ready to lose you, Ally. Please…”

Michael hugged her, and there in the arms of her best friend, she let herself cry some more.