Chapter 24 – I don’t believe you.

"Pabalik-balik na lang 'yan dito. Kailan mo ba haharapin si Mr. Montenegro?" Yanah asked her.

She was referring to Ethan na nasa waiting area ng shelter at nagbabakasali na baka harapin niya ito.

"Let him be," sagot niya. "Walang humihingi sa kanya na gawin 'yan."

Tumalikod siya para bumalik sa silid niya. Lalabas kasi sana siya kanina habang inaalalayan siya ni Yanah. Pero nang makita niya si Ethan, nagbago ang isip niya.

Isang linggo matapos ang unang pagbisita nito roon kasama si Shanna, Ethan never missed a day in coming to the shelter. Araw-araw nagbabakasakali ito na haharapin niya ito. But Ally's heart was as hard as stone. Hindi siya nagpapatinag sa desisyon niyang 'wag magpakita kay Ethan.

Kahit ang totoo, noong unang beses na makita niya ito, gustung-gusto na niyang puntahan ang binata. She missed him a great deal, walang makakapaglarawan sa tindi ng emosyon na nilabanan niya para hindi siya magpakita rito.

Mahal niya si Ethan, and even the word love itself was an understatement of how much he matters to her. Kaya nga kahit masakit, hindi niya gustong papasukin ulit ito sa buhay niya. Dahil alam niya, masasaktan din si Ethan. At ayaw niyang mangyari 'yon.

"Mayro'n ka bang hindi sinasabi sa akin, Ally? Who exactly is Ethan Montenegro to you?"

"Someone I don't need in the remaining days of my life," malamig niyang turan.

"Kung ngayon lang kita nakilala, baka paniwalaan ko 'yan." Yanah rolled her eyes. "But Allison, halos two years na kitang kasa-kasama, sa tingin mo maniniwala ako sa'yo? Oh, please..."

"I don't want to talk about him, Yanah," nakikiusap na tugon niya.

Nang makarating sila sa silid niya ay dumiretso siya sa bintana. Doon na lang niya lilibangin ang sarili niya. May upuan siya ro’n na hindi na niya inaalis dahil gawain nga niyang tumambay rin doon.

"It would make you feel better kung pag-uusapan natin siya," hindi naggigive up na patuloy na kumbinse ni Yanah sa kanya. "I feel like Mr. Montenegro holds a special part in your heart."

Hindi niya tiningnan si Yanah but her eyes started to get misty. "I don't want to hurt him anymore, Yanah!" She suddenly burst out crying.

Kaagad naman siyang nilapitan ng kaibigan para yakapin.

"Ethan doesn't deserve this! Hindi na dapat niya nalaman pa!" Ibinaon niya ang mukha sa mga palad niya.

Hindi nakakibo si Yanah. Pero tahimik nitong hinagod ang likod niya.

"I made Shanna promise me na hindi niya sasabihin. But she said that Ethan deserves to know the truth. I don't know how to face him, Yanah. Iniwanan ko siya kasi ayokong malaman niya. Nagsinungaling ako! How do I unsay the painful words that I told him then? I made him hate me. I hurt him. Ayaw ko ng dagdagan pa iyon!"

"Ally," ani Yanah bago maingat na nagpatuloy sa sasabihin nito. "If you would ask me what I think, sa tingin ko tama si Shanna. At sa palagay ko rin, hindi pupunta rito si Ethan kung galit siya sa'yo. Why not talk to him?"

"No, please… I've hurt him enough already."

"Allison," kumalas sa yakap sa kanya si Yanah tapos lumuhod ito sa harapan niya para gagapin ang mga kamay niya. “Have it ever occured to you that maybe he is the reason why you are still alive today? And I don’t mean you will die kapag hinarap mo na siya. What I’m trying to say is baka siya ang dahilan para mabuhay ka.”

“But I don’t want to hurt him anymore! Iiwan ko pa rin siya and this time, it’s forever…”

“‘Wag mong lagyan ng taning ang buhay mo, Ally. All you need is a reason to live. Kung hindi sapat ang mama at kapatid mo, add Ethan. Your friends, ako, lahat kami umaasa na lalaban ka para sa amin." Namasa ng luha ang mga mata ni Yanah. "It's not yet over, Allison."

"It's painful, Yanah… Gusto ko nang matapos ang paghihirap ko!"

Tumayo si Yanah at muli ay niyakap siya nang hindi na nagsasalita pa ulit. Hinayaan lang siya nitong umiyak nang umiyak.

---

Allison was firm on her decision na huwag papasukin ulit sa buhay niya si Ethan. Hindi naman kasi para sa kanya 'yon, para iyon sa binata na ayaw na niyang bigyan ng dahilan para masaktan pa ulit.

Pero mukhang na-underestimate niya ang persistence at determination ni Ethan. Dahil ngayon ay nakatayo ito sa harapan niya habang may hawak na bouquet of artificial flowers. Nakangiti ito. Ngiting matagal na hindi nakita ni Allison. And she must admit, all she wanted to do that moment was run to him and hug him for the life of her.

But she stayed rooted on her spot, nanghina ang mga tuhod niya. Napahawak tuloy siya sa dingding ng pasilyo para sa suporta. She struggled to act indifferent. She struggled to mask her true feelings.

Pakiramdam nga niya ay iiyak na siya any moment.

"Hi, Allison," Ethan flashed his megawatt smile as he walked closer to her.

"What are you doing here, Mr. Montenegro?" Malamig niyang tanong sa binata.

"Dinadalaw ang girlfriend ko na matagal akong pinagtaguan," he answered, nasa mga labi pa rin ang nakaka-inlove na ngiti.

She laughed dryly kahit parang kinurot ang puso niya sa sinabi nito.

"Wala rito si Felicity," sabi niyang bumira ng pagtalikod. Ayaw niyang makita nito ang sakit sa mata niya sa pagbanggit niya sa pangalan ng current girlfriend nito. "Umalis ka na, Ethan."

"We didn't break up, Ally. Ikaw ang girlfriend na tinutukoy ko." Sumeryoso ang tono nito na umagapay sa kanya ng lakad.

"We broke up. Nakalimutan mo na ba? Gusto mo bang ipaalala ko sa'yo kung paano?" She stopped walking and faced him. "Ipinagpalit kita sa dalawampung milyong piso. Gano'n lang ang halaga mo, Ethan."

Hindi nagbago ang tingin ni Ethan sa kanya sinabi niya. Bagkus, maliit itong ngumiti habang may lungkot sa mga mata nito.

"Hindi ko pa napapatawad ang sarili ko na naniwala akong ibinenta mo ang pagmamahalan natin, Ally. I already know the truth."

"What truth? Iyon ang totoo. Hindi naman talaga kita minahal. I just saw you as someone who can help me get out of poverty."

"If that's what you really wanted, you would've stayed and married me when I asked you to be with me. Nang sa gano'n, talagang hindi ka na ulit maghihirap. But no. Instead, you did everything to get rid of me!"

"Because I don't love you. Ayokong magpakasal sa lalaking hindi ko naman mahal ---" hindi niya natapos ang sasabihin dahil bigla siyang niyakap ni Ethan."Please, don't say that again…"

Biglang humulagpos ang mga luha niya. Two years! Na-miss niya ang pakiramdam na nasa mga bisig nito. It still felt the same. Mainit. Nakakapawi ng mga alalahanin. Ethan's embrace was her comfort every time she was down. Iyong kahit ano pang ibato ng buhay sa kanya sa buong maghapon, kapag nayakap na siya ni Ethan, napapawi lahat ng sakit at pagod niya.

And now, once more, his embrace alleviated the pain in all those times he wasn't beside her to ease her day.

But the sad reality was, hindi siya pwedeng manatili sa mga bisig nito. That would be selfish of her to get comfort from him when in the end, she would cause his misery.

"Let me go!" Bagamat mariin ay luhaan namang sabi niya as she tried to push him away.

"No, not anymore, Allison… I am not letting you go again. You've run away from me enough. Hindi na ako papayag na mawala ka ulit sa akin," he said in a low, but firm voice as he planted kisses on her head. "Hindi na ulit. Hinding-hindi na kita pakakawalan ulit!"

"Ethan, you're wrong!" Bumigay na siya. No. She couldn't let him think that he's not going to lose her again. "Don't, please. Let me go and don't come back again…"

Naramdaman niya ang pag-iling nito. "I'm not listening to you again."

"You will only hurt yourself, Ethan. So stop now. I don't need you. I don't need your pity! I don't even need you in my life!" With the little strength that she's still got, Ally tried to push him again.

"No. I love you, Ally. Kahit hindi mo na ako kailangan, I will stay here with you. Kasi ako kailangan kita," kumalas ito sa kanya para tingnan siya ng diretso sa mga mata niya. "I love you, Allison. I never stopped loving you."

"I don't love you anymore, Ethan," tugon naman niyang hindi makatingin. Nalulunod siya sa matiim nitong titig.

"Say it again," he challenged. "Tell me again that you don't love me anymore. But this time, look into my eyes while you say it!"

"I don't love you anymore," she obeyed, but struggled to look at him for more than two seconds. "I don't love you anymore! I don't love you anymore! I don't love you, Ethan! I don't want you in my life again!" Paulit-ulit, umiiyak at pasigaw na sabi niya habang binabayo ng mga nanghihina na niyang mga kamao ang dibdib ni Ethan. "I don't love you anymore!"

"That's enough," mahinahong saway ni Ethan na hinuli ang mga kamay niya at muli siyang niyakap nang mahigpit. "Stop. I don't believe you."

Lalo lang siyang napaiyak. Ethan's voice cracked. She knew he was already crying. And him hugging her like that was to hide his tear stricken face from her.

Allison didn't want to break him like that again. But if she had to do it, she would. So he would stop thinking that they would still have their happy ending.

Pero sa ginagawa niya, unti-unti rin siyang nadudurog ulit. And durog na niyang puso, napupulbos na sa sakit ng katotohanang hindi na sila ulit magiging masaya.

"I'm dying, Ethan!" Bigla niyang sigaw. "I'm dying and you cannot do anything about it anymore! Please, just go. Leave me. Don't make it any harder than it already is. Please, I beg you…"

---

"I'm sorry, but I'm not leaving you again," Ethan replied while denying the rest of her words in his mind. Especially that part where she said she's dying.

No. He wouldn't let that happen. Not with his billions untouched.

"Allison, I am not losing you again. I will do everything for you…" He continued before he realized that the woman in his arms was no longer moving. "Ally? Ally?!"

Ethan had never been so scared in his lifetime, but seeing the unconscious Allison in his arms made him so frightened.

"Help!" He shouted.