Chapter 21 – Once a believer.

"Do you want to tell me something, Ethan?"

Sinundan siya ni Shanna paglabas niya. He rested his arms against the glass railings of the third floor. Mula sa taas, kita niya ang mga kaganapan sa bar sa ibaba.

He and his friends don't mingle with strangers. Saka 'di rin naman sila mga bar goers talaga. Ginawa na lang nilang hide out ang private booth nila.

"Pakiramdam ko mayro'n kang gustong sabihin na hindi mo masabi," tinabihan siya ng pinsan niya. "Spill it, Ethan. Don't keep me guessing."

"In this place, Shanna?" Aniya. Ni hindi nga sila masyadong magkarinigan.

Besides, kung kakausapin niya ito, hindi ngayon na wala pa siyang patunay na may ginagawa itong kalokohan sa pera ng kanyang kompanya.

"Why not?" Sakto namang may dumaang bar attendant sa gilid nila. "Hey, excuse me, give us a booth, please?"

"One moment, Ms. Montenegro," tugon ng kinausap nito.

He looked at his cousin.

Shanna grew up close to him. Sa lahat ng kamag-anak niya, ito lang ang naging malapit ang loob sa kanya.

Palibhasa ay solo rin itong anak ng kanyang tiyuhing kapatid ng kanyang ama kaya pareho silang nakahanap ng sibling figure sa isa't isa.

Makulit si Shanna. But lately, she ceased to be what she used to. Para itong laging tuliro. Minsan tulala. Minsan nawawala na kahit oras ng trabaho.

Bukod do'n, naglalabas ito ng pera mula sa kompanya. Why would Shanna do that? May sarili itong pera.

"So, tell me," umpisa ng dalaga nang nasa booth na sila where it was silent. "Have you been wanting to ask me something, Ethan?"

"Why would you think that? May dapat ba akong malaman, Shanna?" Hamon niya.

He hated it. He loves Shanna like his own sibling. She was more than just a friend or a cousin. Isa si Shanna sa iilang taong totoo sa buhay niya. Kaya hindi niya matanggap na tinatraydor siya nito.

For what worthy reason?

There were only two instances when Shanna was being difficult to him. First was when she allegedly lost a true friend because of him and now that she was trying to embezzle his money.

"I don't know. Feeling ko lang, laging nagdududa ang mga tinging ipinupukol mo sa'kin."

"Why don't you just tell me what you're hinting about? Let's cut the drama here, Shanna. Do I need to know something about your recent activities?"

"What?" Tila hindi ito makapaniwala. "Who are you, my father? I'm an adult, Ethan. Why do you need to know what I'm doing with my life?"

"Because I care for you, you know that."

Tumawa si Shanna. Bahaw na tawa. Napakunot-noo na lang siya sa pinsan. May pinagdadaanan ito, sigurado siya.

"If you really care about me, you should've listened to my opinions. But no, Ethan. You've become indifferent as if none of my words matter to you!" Sumbat nito.

Tumayo siya. Tiyak na hindi niya magugustuhan ang susunod nitong sasabihin kung palalawigin pa niya ang usapan.

Wala siyang magagawa kung hanggang ngayon loyal pa rin ito sa isang taong nakakasuklam ang pagkatao.

"Because I don't need your silly opinions," malamig niyang sabi saka ito tinalikuran.

Hindi siya pinigilan ni Shanna. Pero nakita niya sa sulok ng kanyang mga mata nang ibaon nito ang mukha sa mga palad nito.

Was Shanna crying?

***

Buhos ang luha ni Ally pagkatapos mapanood ang huling paghinga ng isa niyang kaibigang iginupo rin ng kapareho ng sakit niya.

Kanina, when she held Lily's hand, she tried her hardest para pabaunan ito ng ngiti. She wasn't supposed to be there in a co-patient's dying moment.

But Lily was her close friend too and it was her request to die beside her. How could she say no to such a request knowing it was her last?

Kaya naman ngayon, hindi malaman ni Yanah kung paano siya patatahanin.

"I'm dying!" She cried bitterly. "I'm dying!"

She thought she was ready. But seeing Lily breathed her last brought fear to her heart. It could've been her if Lily didn't go ahead.

"Ally, no..." hilam na rin sa luha ang mga mata ng kaibigan niya. "Don't say that. Hindi ka mamamatay."

Alam niyang nahihirapan din si Yanah sa pagkawala ni Lily. They were like a big family in the shelter. Halos araw-araw ay may nawawala sa kanila. Dapat ay sanay na sila at tanggap na nilang they're all bound to the same fate more or less.

Pero masakit pa ring magpaalam sa isang taong naging bahagi ng buhay mo at nakasamang lumaban sa sakit.

When someone was losing the battle, they that still live could only wish that they would somehow survive.

"Yanah, we both know that I could pass away any moment," she was close to being hysterical. Natatakot siya. "I'm scared... I thought it's okay..."

"Please... Ally, look at me. You are not going to die. You and Lily are different." Yanah held her face with her both hands. "Listen, the fight also happens here," itinuro nito ang ulo niya. "Do not think that you're dying. You will live, Allison. Have that strong will to survive even though science says it's hopeless."

She cried harder. The will to survive? Hindi pa ba sapat ang will niya?

"Most of all, Ally. There is God. Do not lose hope. I am always praying for you. Keep your faith up. This too, shall pass."

Allison shook her head. God? Where was the God that Yanah was talking about?

She was once a believer. But after her cruel illness struck her without hope of getting better, Ally decided there's no God.

If He was real, sa tinagal-tagal na niyang nananalangin, sana gumaling na siya. She didn't lose her faith overnight.

Sa katunayan, until her latest check up result, umaasa pa siya ng milagro galing sa Diyos. Pero ano? Sa halip na milagro, dinurog siya ng resultang tumigil na sa pagrespond sa gamutan ang katawan niya.

There's no God. It's the cruel truth.

"Please, I hate seeing you like this. You will live, Allison. Okay?"

She nodded. Or did she? Because the next thing she knew, she was being wheeled to another room while she was in and out of consciousness.

Allison was scared...