"W-what ?!" He asked the doctor in disbelief.
He did not want to believe what he heard but he knew it was true. He consulted his doctor when he realized he hadn't felt anything between his thighs a few weeks ago since being released from the hospital.
"I'm sorry to tell you that. That part was stuck when you had the accident. I'm going to prescribe some medicine and let's observe. I also can't say right away if it's just temporary or will it be permanent," the doctor said sadly.
He is impotent!
He just wants to die!
He no longer noticed the doctor leaving his room. His doctor was the one who visited him at home when it is time for his check-up. He is still in a wheelchair because he still cannot stand up.
What the doctor assures him is that he will still be able to stand once the swelling in his feet has completely healed. When the doctor disappeared from sight, he threw everything on the table in front of him.
"Arghhh!" He wanted to let out his despair by shouting so loud.
He wants to get angry and he doesn't know on whom he will focus his anger.
How else will he deal with Faith? How else would he convince him to marry him if he was no longer capable of taking on the responsibility in bed as a husband?
"Ahhhh!" He shouted loudly.
"B-brother?" Red asked worriedly who was now peeking into his room.
He was stunned. He did not want to tell anyone about his condition now, especially his brother.
"Leave me alone, Red," he said stiffly.
"B-but ..."
"Just leave me alone!" He angrily said that and he knew his brother was shocked.
Even if he wanted to take it back, he couldn't really control his emotion. He immediately moved the wheelchair to get to the door. He saw the still lingering brother. He quickly closed the door in his face and then locked it.
He immediately went to the cabinet of hidden wines inside his room. He didn't take another glass and just immediately knocked over the bottle he was holding. He knew he was still forbidden to drink alcohol because of the medicines he was taking every day but he didn't care. If he could just die, he would want it even more.
He wished he just died in that accident instead of being alive and living like a useless man.
The knowledge that Faith did not even go back to the country even though she knew he had an accident did not help. The woman just called him to check his condition. He just convinced himself that it was good that she called him. Meaning she was no longer angry with him. He did not mention to her that he was going to the airport for his flight to London when he had the accident.
He gripped the bottle tightly when he remembered what the doctor had confirmed earlier. He immediately threw the bottle out the window glass. Both the bottle and part of his window were broken.
"Brother! How are you there?" He heard Red's worried voice outside his room. He still wasn't leaving the door of his room.
He wanted to cry because he was feeling so desperate. What else can his hard-earned wealth do if it can't cure him?
He was already throwing away the bottles of wine and he didn't care if the broken pieces hit him as well. If only those were deadly, he would really be happy.
Suddenly the door of his room opened and Red rushed over to him. He stared at the broken bottles strewn on the floor. He immediately summoned the helpers to clean up his mess.
"B-brother ..." He said hesitantly to get even closer to him.
The expression on his face was blank as he just stared out the window.
"I will ask Faith to-"
"Leave Faith alone. Stop telling her things about me. Let her be. I can handle this."
"You can still follow her in London once you're in good condition, Clay."
He shook his head but did not speak again.
"Can you bring me to the library?" He asked him. He did not want to rely on the help of others but his body was too tired to act alone in that situation.
Red quickly followed. He went to the back of his wheelchair and pushed it. Nobody speaks until inside the library. Red would have sat in the chair there but he stopped him.
"Leave me here first, Red."
He saw the hesitation on his face. He took a deep breath and met his brother's eyes.
"Promise, I won't do stupid things. I'm sorry about the mess earlier."
Red did not respond immediately as if thinking carefully about what to say.
"You can tell me anything, Bro. I'm here to listen to you if you need to tell me how you feel. Please let me feel that I'm useful, that you need me too as a brother."
He would have liked to do that. He wanted to tell someone about his mixed emotions but he didn't want his brother to feel sorry for him. He did not want anyone to feel sorry for him. He would be better able to suffer alone. He did not want to divide it to be passed on to his brother.
"I'm fine, Red. It was just ... I was just bored so I went crazy earlier," he laughed softly to show that the reason for his manic attitude earlier was not so serious.
"Because I'm not used to being like a prisoner at home so maybe I feel like I've been beaten." He even smiled at his brother.
The expression on Red's face couldn't believe it but he sighed after a while.
"Again, if you need me, I'm just here. You can also ask me to drink with you if you want. I'm not a child anymore, maybe you forgot, Bro," he smiled at him.
He knew it really worried him. He tapped him on the arm. He promises himself that it would be the last time he would display such an attitude. He needs to recover completely because even though he knows it is not possible for him and Faith to be together again, he still has a brother who depends on him.
He had to get everything back to normal because Red was still there. He cannot leave and disregard what their parents left behind. His world should not revolve around Faith anymore because it would be impossible for them to be together in his condition now.
It hurts but he has to accept that it might never happen for him to marry anyone. He will not be able to fulfill his obligation as a husband.
It's not possible for him to have a child either, so Red is his only family.