Self-medicated

Self-medicated
Kieran POV

The light seeping through the crack in my curtains pisses me the fuck off, but I don’t have the energy to get up and close the damn thing.

My temples throb incessantly, something they haven’t quit doing in the days since Johnny’s trainwreck of a funeral.

I knew I’d entangled myself with Raeylnn, but I hadn’t realized how deeply until my father showed up at the damn funeral home with a smug ass grin on his face toting Ares like some fuckin guard dog.

He knew…. He fuckin’ knew and was exploiting her as a weakness.

I’d underestimated him and Ares, thinking I could fly under their radar, but it seems like my dear old father had other plans. Ones that involved making me suffer more than I already had.

Perks of having a sociopath as a dad.

My mouth felt like I’d eaten an entire bag of sand, and I reached out blindly, my fingers sliding across my nightstand in search of my bottle of water. A second later, I heard the empty bottle tumble to the ground.

“Fuckin’ hell,” I groaned, rolling off the bed with a harsh thud. Pain exploded in my shoulder from the force, but I relished it. It was the first time in days I’d felt anything at all. As great as the drugs were at numbing the mental pain, they eliminated all pain, and that, was a double edged sword.

Running a hand through my hair, I felt the build up of grime from my lack of showering. Perks of being stoned out of your mind, I suppose.

My stomach rolls with nausea as I stumble down the hall and into the kitchen, bringing my mouth directly to the tap.

A loud pounding at the door has me pressing my forehead against the granite countertop, hoping the cool surface with dull the ache.

I stay standing there, forehead to the countertop, and wait for the pounding to go away, but it doesn’t. I let out a growl, nearly tripping over the mountain of old cat food cans sitting on the floor.

Icarus comes sliding across the floor yowling, which does nothing to help my headache.

“Sorry for being such a piece of shit cat dad,” I mumble, pulling the last can from the cabinet.

Guess I’ll need to get my shit together and go to the store.

The pounding at the door stops, and I silently thank whatever higher power is watching over me, because fuck that sound.

I’m squatted down, placing yet another can of cat food on the ground when the front door to my condo opens, and Raelynn stands there, crutches beneath her arms, staring at my crouched form.

“Key,” she whispered, glancing around and taking in the disaster that wasn’t me. I hated the look in her eyes right now. The concern, worry, fear… Something else that I refuse to fuckin’ name because she’s a fool for even considering a feeling like that for me.

“The fuck are you doing?” I returned my attention to the cat, unable to meet her gaze any longer. “Didn’t anyone ever teach you it’s fuckin’ rude to just walk into someone’s home?”

“Didn’t anyone ever teach you to answer the door when someone knocks?” she retorts with a bite to her tone.

Hmm. That’s interesting.

“I came by because I heard you haven’t been at school and I was worried,” she still stood in the doorway, unsure whether or not she should come in.

“Well, I’m alive,” I was being cold, but I had to be. It was better this way. “You can leave.”

She scoffed, apparently deciding that she was not going to leave, and closed the door behind her. I heard the footsteps as she moved towards me, the walking boot still on her leg crunching against the hardwood floors.

“Why….” She is so close now, I can smell the faint scent of her perfume. “Are you doing this to yourself?”

My fists clenched against my thighs.

“This is me,” I snarled, meeting her gaze. “The fucked up drug addict. A piece of shit nobody. Guess I had you fooled.”

She studied my face, and I almost looked away, because fuck me if she’s going to sit there and pity me, but instead, her eyes softened. “I don’t believe any of that, you know.”

“You’re more stupid than I thought then,” I muttered, regretting my words instantly. She flinched but didn’t back down.

Raelynn stood, stepping around me as best she could with that damn boot on her leg, and popped open the fridge. She began pulling out the few random items still left inside as I watched from the ground.

“Go shower,” she didn’t bother looking towards me. “You smell like shit.”

My eyes widened, staring at her back as she stood on her tip toes to grab shit out of the upper cabinets.

“I do not,” I grumbled, finally standing with a crack in both knees. I did, in fact, smell like sweat. The nightmares consuming my sleep have had me waking up in a pool of my own sweat every night, but after popping another random pill, I’m able to float back into nothingness.

Showering hasn’t been on my radar.

“Yes,” she spun around, folding her arms over her chest, “You do. Since apparently we’re being honest today,” Raelynn’s eyes narrowed, “You should go take a damn shower.”

Thirty minutes later, I felt like a new man, despite the clawing sensation in my mind to pop another pill, I ignore the orange bottles on my nightstand and get dressed.

I’m shocked to find Raelynn has cleaned a majority of the mess. Her back is to me, tying off a trash bag, and guilt slams into me like a freight train.

She turns around, and I catch the flour staining her shirt as she sits the trash bag on the kitchen floor, “Oh good. The muffins are almost done.”

“Why are you here?” I hesitantly walked over to the island, dropping onto one of the stools with a thud.

She hesitated for a moment, her spine stiffening as she placed the muffin pan onto the counter, “Because I wanted to make sure that you were okay.”

“Why do you care, Bambi?”

She plates two warm muffins, putting them between us as she leans onto the countertop with her elbows, “Because you’re worth caring about, Kieran.”