Blake’s POV
“You love me,” I could see that Cheryl tried and failed to hold back the scoff at what I just told her. I am disappointed that she doesn’t believe me, but I will not give up. I had begged them to allow me to talk to her alone, I didn’t expect them to, not after how I behaved when the bloodsucker told me that I had lost her. I hated having to bear my heart and soul in front of them, but for my mate, I would. I heard what she said to Graham. I knew that some of what she had said, had indeed been aimed at me when she was speaking, but I refuse to admit defeat on this. I will not be able to get over it if she doesn’t come back to me.
“I DO love you, Cheryl. I loved you when I made you my chosen mate, and I love you right now, at this moment. I was out of my mind with jealousy over Graham’s lies. I was so angry that I couldn’t get past it, or let it go. You were my everything, you were my mate, but even thinking about you with another was breaking my heart. I couldn’t drop it as my jealousy stayed with me, making me lose my mind about not wanting anyone else to touch you. You gave yourself to me, and I was the only man that you chose to be with. That meant so much to me. I didn’t want another man to have the same claim of having the privilege of it. That is why I would go crazy even if someone else bumped into you, or vice versa. I would worry that you were with them too, because of the seeds of doubt that Graham planted. I was sick with worry about it all the time, so I poisoned the pack against you. I made sure that no one would ever have the balls to touch what was mine, as I made examples of anyone who even got close to you. I did it the wrong way baby. I messed up. But I swear to you that I will spend the rest of my life making it up to you” I told her.
“How?” she asked me calmly. I don’t know what she is talking about.
“What?” I asked her.
“How are you going to make it up to me,” Cheryl said, and the calm way she is speaking is making me worry.
“Whatever you want me to do Cheryl. I will do it. Whatever you want or need me to do, that is what I will do for you. I will make it right, I just want you to tell me what that will be. I am already making plans for Forest to take over the pack when he turns 18. I plan on us taking over Graham’s home to live in, if you want to, or we can level it and start fresh. Your parents will go to the packhouse to live, or to Blood Tracker, whatever you want. I won’t allow your father to hurt you again. I was even going to let Graham know that we took over his home. That will hurt him too. He will hate you living there, it would be another nail in his coffin. I can spend all my time with you after that. We can plant a garden, travel, whatever it is that you want me to do, I will do it. There is nothing off the table. I have Graham’s money. I will spend my half of it all on you if you want me to” I told her. I am earnest and I am holding her hand as I speak to her. I hope that she can see the honesty in my eyes.
“Blake, I see that you still do not get me at all. I didn’t want stuff. What I wanted, was actually free and wouldn’t have cost you a cent. I wanted your love and your support. I wanted you to listen to me when I spoke to you. When I told you what was happening and you branded me a liar. You refused to listen from the start. The fact that Graham tried to start with me on this whole thing, and I shot him down. I told him that whatever trick he wanted to play on me, was not going to work, because we loved and trusted each other. I told him that I knew you hadn’t cheated on me, because I had felt that pain like I had felt before. I wouldn’t wish it on anyone, it is breathtaking in both the physical, and emotional, pain that it brings to you. To let you know without a doubt that your mate is with another. He tried to start with me, and I trusted you 100% and stood up and defended you to him. That is what broke my heart. Because you didn’t do the same when he came to you” Cheryl told me. I cannot stop the tears that burned in my eyes.
She was silent for a little while before speaking again. “I thought you would. We had a strong relationship, and I honestly thought that you would tell him off. Tell him that we could not be torn apart. But you didn’t, instead of even looking at it rationally, you accepted that liar’s words, over mine. You refused to believe me at every turn. Instead of getting a DNA test, or anything to prove it one way, or another, you condemned our son. Announced to the pack how bad we both were to them. Allowing them to brand us as worthless, and the lowest members of the pack. Both Kevin and I did everything we could to get you to see what was right in front of you. To see what you should have seen from the first moment he approached you. That is what hurts the most, that you were willing to listen to him so much, that your alleged love for me wasn’t there anymore. We were hated, and therefore open season for anyone who had a bad day, or needed someone to take it out on. I find it amazing to hear you now asking me to listen to you. When I begged you to listen to me for years, and you flatly refused. You knew best, and you KNEW I cheated on you. Now that you know what happened, you wanted to fix it. Well, guess what Blake? I did too, at the 3-year mark, and the 4-year mark, years and years passed by, but I was undeserving of your respect. Because that is what this all boils down to Blake. You had no respect for me, which is a main part of the relationship. You didn’t care about my feelings or the pain I was in. You only cared about your opinions and your pain. But speaking of pain, you never felt it. Everyone who is mated knows, or has heard, of how bad that pain is when your mate cheats on you. I was outside your door waiting when you came out, so I could see who you had cheated with. You never felt a thing. You took away my value, and worth, and you had people basically spitting on us because you needed everyone to take your side in it when you could have had us deal with the privately. Respect goes hand-in-hand with trust and communication. You took them all away from me. You had no trust, or respect for me, and refused to communicate. So you can just take a page out of your own playbook on this. If you were not willing to do it for me after I begged and begged you hundreds of times, why should I do it for you?” Cheryl asked me and I cannot breathe right now.
She is right, I did every bit of that to her and refused to do anything to make it better for our relationship. I absolutely refused to do anything for her, until she was willing to confess what she had done. My pain drove me further and further into the abyss trying to force her to do it. Demanding her apology for her betrayal of me. Never once stopping to even consider the fact that it had all been a lie. That she didn’t admit to it because she hadn’t done what she was being accused of. The pain in my heart ramps up to an even higher level. I have to show her what I am willing to do for her. I hit the floor and went down on my knees and put my forehead on the back of her hand that I was holding. I am submitting myself to her. Showing her that I bow to her, she is the one with the power now, and I have none. I will do anything that she asks of me, except for allowing her to leave me.
“Cheryl, I am so sorry baby. This was all my fault. I didn’t know that kind of pain because you have been a loyal mate. I figured that I had felt it, and just dismissed it because I have always been strong. You have never done it to me, and I never want to experience it either. I am sick over this. Yes, Graham started it up, but you have known for years how jealous and possessive of you that I am. I know that I messed up baby. I know it. I am so sorry about what I did to you, but I still chose you as my mate. I can wait for you to forgive me totally. I just want you to come back to Black Moon. I will get everyone in the pack straightened out. They will all be told that it was all my fault, and Graham’s. I will make sure that your name is never besmirched again. They will all be told that I was wrong. That all four of our children are mine. This is just for starters. I am absolutely serious about what I am willing to do to get you to come back home. I just want you to know that I am aware of what I did wrong, and I will do anything to make it right again. I swear to the Goddess, I will fix this for you” I told her.
I don’t raise my head when I stop speaking. I want her to realize that she is the one with the power, to either make or break us. That I will submit to her from now on, that it will only be her words that I take as counsel for what we need to do going forward. I lifted my head a few minutes later when I hear my son start to speak to me.
“So are you more scared that she has other men chasing after her dad? Or because you honestly love her? Because from what I saw back in our pack, you didn’t give a damn about her, or me. You didn’t care how we were belittled, or hurt. You never asked mom where her bruises, or mine, ever came from. Probably because you already knew the answer. I don’t know about mom, she can make her own choices, but mine is to stay here, with my friends. With people who respect me, care about me, and show that every day. Not getting their information from a devious source, and taking it as the truth. Everyone in the pack believes your announcement dad. Even your ranked wolves believed it. Probably because anyone with common sense would have checked out the validity of the alleged charge BEFORE they announced it as being the actual truth. Instead of wholeheartedly believing it, because you got your feelings hurt. Sorry for interrupting, I heard you were here, so I came to see you. I wanted my mother to know that I love and appreciate her. I know that I would have never made it out of there alive without her. I also know that she still loves you, and I am sure that not seeing my brothers and sister is weighing heavily on her heart. I wanted her to know that I am OK with her going back to Black Moon if she feels that she needs to. I know that you will make it safer for her to be there. But I don’t think you realize how much pain mom dealt with on a daily basis. So you better make sure that she is well taken care of if she ever does decide to come back” Kevin stated and I am surprised at how well-spoken he is.
“I am sorry Kevin, I am. I was an idiot for falling for it, and I have no excuse for it. I will make complete changes to my pack. I want you to come home too. I want us all to be the same happy family that we used to be. We can live in Graham’s house, and we can be happy again. You will both be safe there, I will make sure of it. No harm will ever come to either of you again. It is breaking my heart to not have you there. I miss you both and it hurts that I was the one to do this to our family” I told him. I need Kevin to be on board with this, because if he agrees to come back, then Cheryl will as well. She did all this to protect him from death. She will come back to me if he is willing to come back too.
“I just want mom to be happy and loved. For her to have someone in her corner that she can trust. Someone that won’t just believe the very worst about her when a rumor comes around. Someone who will keep her safe even as he checks into it so he can protect her. That is what I want for my mom. She was strong but you and Graham beat her down, day after day, to where I was just as scared for her well-being as she was for mine. Her decline was apparent to anyone who cared enough to be paying attention to it. She didn’t become a walking skeleton overnight. Yet she kept pushing ahead with all she had to try to protect me. I started training at first to get your approval dad, but I figured out pretty quickly that I wasn’t going to get it. I kept at it because my mother needed to be protected, and I did my best. But Graham made sure to keep me busy and away from her, as soon as he saw what I was doing. I was not going to allow the only person who has always shown me the greatest amount of love to be killed right in front of me. If I could have driven us away from there after we got free I would have, because I knew she was very weak. We both knew time was of the essence for us to escape. I didn’t come in here to stop you from asking her back. I can see that you are sorry, now. But for me, it is far, far too late for you to be sorry. You shamed me every day as you made it clear that you did not accept me, as I was not your son. Well, you are correct now, Alpha Blake, because I am no longer your son. I refuse you as my father because a real father wouldn’t have done that to a 10-year-old little boy who needed him so much. A son who needed his father to take his blinders off, before he ruined not one, but two close relationships. Forest and I almost look like twins, he just got your coloring,” Kevin said, and I opened my mouth to tell him that I do know that he is my son, and I love him, but he stopped me.
“Don’t, OK, just don’t say it, I know you want to speak, to tell me your “side” of it, but I just came in here to say my peace. I don’t need to hear a recap of “it’s all Graham’s fault” when you were completely on board with the whole thing, from the start. I also don’t need to hear that we “can be a big happy family again” when my brother still wants to kill me. He just isn’t strong enough to do it. I just came in here to let my mother know that no matter what she decides to do. Whether it is to go back to the pack with you or stay here at Black Adder. I will always love and support her because she has always loved and supported me. I didn’t come in here to stop her, as I am very happy here, and if they will allow me to stay, I would love that. But I am old enough to take care of myself now. I will be 15 soon, and I am used to having to protect both me and mom. I am older than my years because I was pushed to have to grow up quickly with the target I had on me. Plus, mom can come and visit me here. Once I get my license, I can meet you halfway mom. I would actually like to get to see Robert and Casey on occasion. But I have my friends, and I already know that I can be a warrior here. Justin said that I could probably be a training warrior, or even lead warriors if I keep at it. You got me to safety mom, and I will always love you for it. I just don’t want you to suffer for not being able to see your other children, because you felt it was one or the other. I know that Blake will not be letting them come here if you are not willing to return to him. They are his only bargaining chip, and I know you miss them mom” Kevin said, and I am amazed at how adult he is about this.
He was right, that was my only real line to tug here, and I was planning on using it. “I will let your mom see them, Kevin, and you too. I will not keep them away from the both of you. I can bring them with me next month if you want. I know that your mom will take some time to convince to come back to me. I am aware of just how badly I have screwed this whole thing up. I know that it will take years for us to get back to where we used to be. I don’t think that she is willing to come back at all right now, even for the other three. But maybe one day she will, and I have hope for that day. I want to keep trying to come and spend time with you both. I am trying to train Forest, but that is slow going right now. I do have high hopes for him, so I can get to spend extra time with your mother, Kevin. I was completely wrong for my actions. I just hope that you will give me an opportunity to show you both, just how sorry I am. Please give me a chance to show you that things will be completely different, from now on” I asked them.
I am praying that they say yes, because hearing my son deny me, and refuse me as his father, cut me to the core. I can see how he felt now, and I know that he was speaking the truth. He was so calm right now, I can tell how much I hurt him with my actions, it was like I was dead to him now. He honestly didn’t care if he hurt me or not, with what he said. He did, a great deal in fact.
“I have made my decision, and I don’t need any extra time from you. But if you want to speak with me on your next trip, I will do that. I have no expectations in this, as it doesn’t matter that you have changed now, the damage is done. You can’t shatter a cup and it be the same when you glue it back together because it isn’t. It is now filled with the cracks of being broken. You may be able to use it. It can still provide a service, but it will never be the same again. Also, I wanted to tell you that Forest is going to drive your pack into the ground. Mom told me about you tricking Graham into putting his password in and you changing it on him. That was good, but you need to be careful. You do not need to give Forest access to the money. He will go through it like it was water. I can tell you now that he is going to destroy your pack. You will be needing that money to try to rebuild it when he brings war to your door. My brother Forest is a petty, and vicious person, Robert will be a better choice for Alpha.” Kevin told me and then turned to leave the room.
After the door shut I heard Cheryl’s soft voice tell me, “I warned you, Blake. I mentioned the consequences of your actions many times. You can come here and visit with Kevin whenever you want to, I will not stop you, but you have to stay in our packland. Even though you hurt him badly, he still wants to have your approval. I told you weeks ago, and in my letter, that I would not be coming back to Black Moon, for any reason. I did love you, I still love you. That is why you were able to hurt me so deeply. But I cannot sign up to be hurt like that again. Time will heal my pain, and then I will move forward. I can assure you that you can go ahead and leave Max alone though. I do not feel the same way as he does about getting into a relationship with him. I am not ready to be in one with anyone. I have some deep-seated trust issues now because of you. It is going to take a lot of time, to work through them. You showed me that I just can’t depend on just my love to be enough anymore. I need respect, compassion, communication, and most of all trust. Trust in the fact that they have my back, that they love me, and want to be with me. Trust that they would not cheat on me, or break me apart, on a whim. Someone who can make me laugh, and make me feel like he cannot see another. Someone who will protect me from harm, and feel the same way about me, as I do for him. I do not know what the future will hold for me, but I do know that our relationship will never go back to what it was before. You made absolutely sure of that.”
Picking a Fight