“You know you lie to say I have killed you: and, Catherine, you know I could as soon forget you as my existence.” — Heathcliff Earnshaw.
Hot tears blurred my vision, and the dull throb of my heart was a constant reminder that I was breathing. I had to almost remind it to breathe. I walked past the sidewalks dotted with streetlights, shouldering past some people to be able to get away from any pain. The tapestry of pain had further travelled below, opening up a huge crack which my emotions flowed in. Blood was pounding against my eardrums like defeaning sirens howling through the city.
Intending to enter in the coffee shop across the street, I halted my steps when I was standing just opposite to the building. A part of me badly wanted to call Julie, but the other part didn’t want to worry her more than she already was. My mind wandered off to places I'd rather stay away from, so much so, that when a bike whooshed in my direction, I had been standing right infront of it.
My eyes widened after they spotted the speeding vehicle approaching me with an insane amount of velocity. My brain froze, refusing to react when the headlight flashed with an incandescent light, blinding me temporarily. “Watch it!” A hand grabbed my torso, pulling me off the street just before the fatal impact would've taken place. My body slammed against my savior, as his arms snaked around me, pressing himself onto me. My trembling self relaxed, basking in the heat emanating from his body, drinking in the heady cologne.
“What were you thinking, Tobias!?” His arms furiously shook me, getting me out of the hallucinating, trance like state I was in. On receiving no answer from my side, he tipped my face upwards by the chin, levelling it with his own.
“I…I was distracted. Thank you.” Attempting to free myself from his strong hold, I tried to jerk his hold off, but no avail. The cold grey eyes stared into mine, and for a moment all I could see was him. The way his body perfectly moulded with mine, the way he spoke. Wise, yet hostile.
“I'm sorry for what I have done to you.” He breathed rashly, the bewitching orbs boring in mine, searching for an answer. I couldn’t give in. I shouldn’t. I wanted him as far way as one could possibly be from someone else. I had to hold my guard up. My subconscious patted me at the back for holding on to such a firm decision.
“Sorry doesn't delete what you've said to me, Alexander. Sorry doesn’t heal the number of times you've mercilessly stabbed me. Sorry doesn’t change the fact that you used me for your own plans.” I shook him off me, creating a distance between us, my voice filled with the rawest of emotions. I looked up at his face to realize that those words weren't only bitter to say, but they were bitter to hear too.
“Let me explain—”
“No.” I said, shaking my head with the waning self worth that I had. This time, I had to stand up for myself and he needed to stay away from me. For good. I would soon find someone else to be fuck buddies with, and sooner or later the memories of him that I held so tightly would begin to fade. Or atleast, I could hope so.
“You used me, boy. For your petty revenge scheme which included fucking me, only to make me the bad guy so that you'd have a clear road for aiming at my ex best friend. Go ahead, have at it. Fuck him all you want. What do I care?,” I retorted in a mocking tone, “You were a mistake. Fool me once, shame on me. Fool me twice, I'd rather be dead than see that happen. You are nothing to me. Nothing.” My abstracted, cold gaze washed over his face, as if it failed to recognize him. There was a fear so stark upon his face, that he staggered a few steps backwards, grey eyes wavering.
“Do you really…. really…mean that?”
“Mean what?”
“That I mean nothing to you?” His voice faltered at every word of the sentence, exposing his vulnerability. Crossing my arms over my chest, I gave out a haughty chuckle, a cold façade of indifference taking over my facial features, while his clouded with uncertainty and doubt.
“Rule number one : Keep in mind that Tobias Harris never lies,” I flashed him one of my sardonic smiles, when he winced physically as if I hit him with something. I was good at this. I bit the inside of my bottom lip hard to cease any emotions that might show, “Rule number 2 : Always remember rule number 1. And, the bitchy me is back. So, be alert. I'll fuck you over the minute I get a chance.”