“Heathcliff, I'm proud to show you, at last, somebody that who dotes on you more than myself. I expect you to feel flattered.” — Catherine Earnshaw.
The words seemed to have slapped him across the cheek because he painfully closed his eyes, his chest heaving with ragged breaths, sharply intaking air with all his might, before letting it all out through his nostrils. He made no effort to free himself from my vice like grip, when my fingers tightened around his shirt collar, as I shifted my leg between his to provide myself a better position for proper access. One of the bartenders whispered from behind the counter, his whole body shaking, “Sir, please, let him go. He's our boss' son, the boss will have our heads if he knows we did nothing to protect his son —”
“The boss won't know, Martin.” His deflated voice broke the defeaning silence, as he looked up to me, his eyes burning with deeply set anguish. “Do it. Return the favor, Harris. Beat me up.” His statement sunk further into my heart, my chest constricting when he noticed the waver in my movements, “Do it! Don't stop! Get this over with. That's what I fucking deserve.” The self loathing confession hung in the stale air in between us, while I watched Stefan frozen in the spot beside me.
“Man the fuck up, Harris! Do it.” His muscles tensed, but made no effort to fight me or to push me backwards. “Send me to the hospital. My dad won’t know. You'll be free of me.” I forced myself to look away, my hands shaking, still managing to stay tangled with his shirt collar. “I can't.” The pain was so profuse, that it burned my eyes, which melted into unwonted tears spilling down my cheeks. My whole body hurt; especially my head which was about to explode any second. I loosened my grip I had on him, hands trailing down to his chest, as I managed to flash him a sad smile.
“I needed you, Roulette. I wanted you.” My breath stuck in my throat, almost driving the air out of my lungs, threatening to choke me. “And you used me. You hurt me in ways I never thought was possible.” I could speak no more, because my voice cracked at the end of the sentence. “You hated me. You hated me so damn much that you —” I nearly caved, when I felt his body tremble beneath my touch, while he looked wildly at me, misery reflecting over the molten silver orbs.
“You hated me so much, so much, Alexander, that you used me to get my best friend.” I spat coldly, not giving a fuck about the fact that there were people surrounding us. Who cared? Not me. I was hurting. I had been hurting for two weeks and seeing him today — being with him that close to me had the emotions flooding back breaking the dam of self composure and indifference. His touch, his words, his remarks; I craved that. I craved him. All of him. But this wasn’t a situation where I could be seen vulnerable.
“Yes, I fucked Jenna. Because she came on to me. Because she claimed she loved me.” I clarified, barely managing to keep my legs steady. The proximity was leading me back to the night when we first had sex. When he confessed that I drove him crazy. When he showed how much he wanted me. “I had no idea that she dumped you for me. I had no idea that you got hurt by something I did. Yes, I dumped her after two weeks. Because I never felt for her the way I felt for—” I stopped myself before I could say something that would have me breaking down infront of so many people. I couldn’t afford that, not now. I was barely managing to hang from the last few threads of self composure. There was a sharp intake of breath from his side, after which he parted his lips to say something but no avail. I saw unspoken regret and guilt cross his facial features.
“You knew you lied when you told Jeremy I had no heart. You knew you lied. You knew I never hated you. You knew that was just a defense mechanism to avoid your alluring charm. You knew what I felt for you!” I hissed, anger bubbling up in my veins, momentarily taking over the profound grief that I was submerged in. “But you, you made me lose against you. You won, Roulette. You've avenged yourself. You've taken your revenge by hurting me like no one ever could. Congratulations, Alexander Roulette.” When the words left my mouth, I watched him twitch, his silver eyes becoming watery at the confrontation. “Maybe you can teach me how cruel a person should get to attain satisfaction. Is it enough for your infernal selfishness that while you fuck others and moan in pleasure, I spend sleepless nights where all I do is think about you? Does it give your sadistic self satisfaction that you almost ruined my mental health?” He frantically reached for my hand, grabbing it with utmost strength, “Please, stop. Please. Please.”
“Tobias—” He began to speak with whatever courage he could muster up, but I shook my head at his attempt, silencing him. “I needed you....” I confessed in a shaky voice, basking in his musky cologne when more tears welled up in my eyes, drying my throat and burning my lungs. I heard his breath halt, when tilted his head back for it to be able to rest on the counter top. Tears trailed down the trajectory down his ears, as he bit his bottom lip hard from making any noise. “And you left me.” I gave the last fatal blow, my heart audibly breaking into shards of glass when I let go of him completely, furiously wiping the tears off my face, before storming out of the bar, not even bothering to spare a glance at him.