Chapter 97 Chapter Ninety-Seven
The two of them walk out of the room and Ryder leans down kissing me the same way his brothers did. "Have fun baby."
Have fun? What does he mean have fun? I'm not going to see Aaron. I already promised I'm not going to see Aaron or any of my other guy friends. Does Ryder not trust me anymore or something?
Ryder turns to walk out of the room and I grab his wrist. "Where are you going?" I ask confused.
"I was going to go to my room. I figured you would need time to get ready to hang out with Aaron, so I was going to let you do what you needed to do." Ryder tells me. He isn't being himself. He is usually so loving and affectionate towards me.
I step in front of Ryder, so I am face to face with him. "I'm not going to see Aaron. Yeah I will probably text him, so he will stop freaking out. He left me like twelve messages. I don't want him to think I'm mad at him, because I'm not. That doesn't mean I am going to hang out with him though."
"You can hang out with him if you want. We told you it was okay to hang out with your friends and you didn't technically break the sex rule, you just kind of scooted right along the edge of the rule. So go hang out with him if you want." Ryder smiles at me, but I can tell it's a forced fake smile.
I put my hand on his chest. "Ryder stop. I'm not hanging out with him. I promised you I wouldn't, not just because you asked me not to, but because I don't want to mess up our relationship. I don't want to put unnecessary strain on us, I'm sorry I did what I did. I'm sorry if I hurt you or broke your trust. I'm sorry you had to lie to your brothers because of what I did. Just please don't shut me out, or get mad at me. Okay? I can't handle it if you're mad at me." I plead with him, pretty much begging him not to give up on me and our relationship.
Ryder stays silent, just staring at me. His eyes scan my face and I feel tears building. I force them down though. If Ryder is mad at me then I deserve it. I hurt him. I know he said it was okay, and I don't even think what I did is what's bothering him. I think lying to his brothers is bothering him more than anything.
I decide then the only way to fix this, is to tell his brothers. I will tell Reece and Raikin what happened between me and Logan that night I stayed out with him and I will tell them about me and Aaron. If they don't want to be with me anymore I will just have to live with that. It will be one of my biggest regrets, but I don't have anyone to blame but myself.
I stare at Ryder for a minute longer, and when he doesn't say anything I turn to walk out of my room. Hopefully Reece and Raikin are together, so I can just say this once. If they aren't I will just tell them individually. It will be harder that way, but what else can I do. I have to make this right.
Right as I am opening my bedroom door, Ryder stops me. "Where are you going babe?"
I take a deep breath and turn to look at him. "I'm going to tell Reece and Raikin the truth about everything I did. I know that's what's bothering you. You said it yourself if it was just me and you, you wouldn't care what I did with my guy friends. So the only other thing there is, is the fact that you had to lie to your brothers. I'm going to fix that."
Ryder walks over to me, putting both hands on my shoulders. "You aren't going to tell them."
"Yes I am. I am not going to make you keep lying for me. I know how close you and your brothers are and I'm not going to be the reason you guys are fighting." I cross my arms over my chest.
Ryder shakes his head. "Baby, please don't tell them."
I sigh. "I don't want to, I don't want to risk messing this up, more than I already have. I also don't want to make you hate me, It's my fault you have to lie to your brothers, so I am going to be the one to come honest with them."
Ryder chuckles. "How is it your fault? I am the one that told you not to tell them. I am the one that decided to keep a secret from them, so how is it your fault?"
"It's my fault because I am a whore. A whore that made it where you can't trust me anymore. I did two stupid things, that I knew I shouldn't do and now you have to lie and keep secrets." I ramble and look down at the ground because I can't look at him anymore.
Ryder wipes my cheek with his thumb and I didn't even realize I had started crying. Ryder tries to lift my chin with his finger and I shake my head, keeping my head down.
"Look at me baby." Ryder says and I shake my head, too embarrassed to look at him. "Look. At. Me." He says his tone demanding not leaving room for me to argue.
I look up at him and he wipes another tear. "You are not a whore. Do not ever call yourself that again."
"What would you call me then?" I ask, sniffling a little.
Ryder gives me a playful smile, the kind I have got used to seeing. "I would call it being irresistible. You are the kind of temptation no one can say no to baby. I'm sorry I made you feel like a whore, I'm not mad at you okay baby?" He wipes another tear and I sniffle again.
"Are you sure? I don't want you to resent me in the future. Our relationship is supposed to be built on honesty and trust. If you can't trust me anymore, this will never work." I ramble again.
Ryder chuckles. "Baby calm down. I do trust you and I am so happy that you were honest with me about what you did with them. I have just been fighting with myself, I want to be honest with Reece and Raikin. I want to believe that they will forgive you and we can all be happy but I just don't know."
I sigh. I wish I knew them a little better. I wish I knew them good enough to say whether or not they would forgive me for what I did, but I don't. So I just have to trust Ryder's decision.
I wipe my eyes with the back of my hand, sniffling a little. "If you change your mind and want to tell your brothers I will do it okay? I'm the one that did it I want to be the one to tell them."