Chapter 18

**Megan**

“Why are you here, Logan?” I ask him as I dab at his bloodied cheek with the wet flannel. I’d pulled him out onto the terrace away from listening ears but not from watchful eyes. I’d closed the blinds, but my father opened them. He winces, and I shake my head at him. Luckily the fire pit is still burning away, letting off a little heat, not that it’s needed with Logan this close to me.

“You invited me,” he says and finishes his beer. I take the bottle out of his hand and glare at him.

“Why are you here like this?”

He sighs and looks down at his lap. He shakes his head and moves his hands through his hair as I watch him contemplate his following statement. There's something on his mind that I’m guessing he is having a hard time telling me.

“I’ve screwed up everything,” he states.

“What do you mean?” I ask.

“It wasn’t supposed to be like this,” he sighs and leans back on the garden sofa. “I was supposed to come back earlier, but I’m a coward. I had plans for us. I meant to come back within 18months. A part of me told me not to; that you wouldn’t want me. I guess it was right,” he says. I sigh and rinse the flannel in the mixture of water and antiseptic solution. I take his hands and dab at his knuckles.

“I feel trapped. Zoe only wants to get married to me because her parents are fucked up in the head. We’re not getting married, I want you, but you’re with that douchebag Mark,” he says. “I don’t like him,” he huffs, making me smile a little. He looks at me, his blue eyes relaying the raw feelings in his heart. I can see it hurts him to think of me with someone else. “I’m sorry,” I look away back down to his hand. I feel his other hand move to my cheek. “For everything, for not coming back quick enough, for allowing this farce with Zoe to continue and just for being the biggest problem in your life,” he says.

“Logan,” I say, moving his hand from my cheek.

“Why did you leave with him last night?” he asks. “You didn’t even let me explain things to you,” he says, and I can hear the hurt in his voice. “Zoe means nothing to me. That’s why I didn’t tell you she was here; I forgot about her,” he adds.

“I left with him because he can’t hurt me like you can. We’re not good for each other. I can’t trust you not to hurt me,” I tell him.

“I know, and I’m going to fix that,” he says to me.

“Mark and I aren’t together,”

“Yeah, I know, it’s just sex between you two,” he says with a roll of his eyes, and I smile again. “Like that makes it any better,” he mutters. This is the first time I’ve seen him jealous.

“I ended things with him this morning,”

“Why did you leave with him last night if you were going to end things with him in the morning?” he asks.

“Why did you sleep with Zoe last night if she means nothing to you?” I retort. He scowls and looks away from me.

“I was annoyed with you and myself,” he mutters.

“Ditto,” I reply and finish cleaning his face. I feel his hand on my hip the entire time.

Logan is right. This isn’t how our relationship should be in my eyes, either. I want nothing more than to complete my family, to have my daughter's father by my side but life doesn’t always end up how we want it, and that’s ok.

I get to his lips, and I want to kiss him. I want to do many things to him, but right now, a lot of them are along the lines of having my mouth pressed against his and other parts of his body.

“Stop looking at me like that,” he says, repeating back to me what I said to him last night. I look him in the eyes, and I could honestly drown in them.

“Like what?” I ask quietly.

“Like you want to fuck me,”

“That’s because I do,” I say quietly. My rational brain has left for the night. Packed its bags and left stupid in charge. I watch as his pupils dilate as his grip on me tightens, pulling me closer to him. My phone vibrates in my back pocket, distracting me and pulling me out of the trance his eyes have me in. I clear my throat and step back from him. Taking my phone out of my pocket, I see a text from Courtney.

*‘Your dad is watching,’* is all it says. I sigh and put my phone back in my pocket.

“Who is it?” Logan asks.

“Courtney,” I tell him and pick up the frozen peas for him to hold to his eye. “Who did you get into a fight with?” I ask.

“It was a paid fight; I do them when I want to let off steam. It’s either that or I get hammered,” he tells me. I raise an eyebrow.

“You did both tonight,” I state.

“Pummeling some guys' face didn’t make me feel any better,” he states as he moves to pull something out of his back pocket. I watch as he pulls out a wad of cash and tosses it onto the table in front of us.

“That’s what you made from a fight?” I ask, surprised.

“I won,” he states. “I usually give it away; I don’t fight for the money,” he adds and then tilts his head back. I sigh and sit down next to him. He places a hand on my bare thigh, making me look at him. “They’re right,” he says, nodding to the apartment. I look to see my dad glaring at him. The others look away when I turn.

“About what?” I ask, turning to look at him.

“I shouldn’t have come. I just needed to see you and explain myself. I didn’t like how we ended things last night,”

“It was the alcohol,” I say.

“No, you were right, but I don’t want you to be done with me; I promise I’ll sort all of this out,” he states. I smile a little knowing it won’t change anything.

“I should get back inside; you can stay on the couch if you want,” I tell him as I stand. He sighs and nods before I pick up the bowl and walk away from him. I don’t know what to say to him, Mostly because I don’t know if what I say to him would be the truth.

**---**

I feel someone prod my cheek, my lips and then stroke my ear. It’s then I know it’s Ella. She does this when she’s been up for a while, and no one else is awake.

“Momma,” she whispers. I smile and move onto my back. She snuggles in next to me and lays her head on my chest. “Why is Logan here?” she asks.

“Yeah, why is Logan here?” Courtney asks me as she lays next to me. I look at her and then look at Ella.

“He came to see you last night, but you were in bed,” I tell her. “I told him he could stay so that he can see you today,” I add and look at Courtney.

“Can Logan come with us to the park?” she asks.

“Ask Courtney; she’s taking you,” I tell her. I’m working today. It’s the start of the pole dancing classes we do at the club, and as they’re my idea, I teach them. It’s also a little extra money coming in.

“If he wants to,” Courtney says.

“I’ll go tell him,” she says as she excitedly climbs over Courtney and runs out of my room.

Courtney turns to me; I sigh, waiting for the lecture. She’d climbed into my bed last night after offering her bed to Lorraine and David. It worked out for the best because I ended up having a nightmare, and rather than having me wake up the whole apartment, she woke up and ended up waking me up. I’ve not had a nightmare in a long time.

“Are you ok?” she asks. Not what I expected

“Yeah,” I tell her and get out of bed. Walking out of my room, my father and Sara come out of the guest bedroom. I give them both a small smile and walk into the living room to see Ella prodding Logan's face.

“Logan,” she whispers.

“Rawr,” Logan says, grabbing her and lifting her in the air and shaking her a little, making her scream with laughter. He holds her up with both arms and then throws her up in the air; he catches her, making her giggle. I shake my head as I make my way to the kitchen.

“Mommy,” she cries out while laughing. “Grandad,” she says when she realises I’m not going to help her, and Logan throws her in the air again. Logan lays her on top of him and then sits up with her.

“What do you want for breakfast, Ella?” I ask her.

“Frosted Flakes,” she calls back to me.

“I can’t be bothered cooking anything,” I tell Sara and my dad.

“Are you ok?” my dad asks me.

“I had a nightmare, so I’m just tired,” I tell them as I pour cereal into two bowls. “Ella, go ask Courtney what she wants,” I tell her.

“Ok,” she says and wriggles herself out of Logan’s arms before running off towards the bedrooms.

“Help yourselves,” I tell them as I get the Oat milk out and pour it onto Ella’s and my bowls.

“Momma, Auntie Corny said she wants the same as us,” Ella says, running back into the kitchen. “What do you want, Logan?” Ella asks as she makes her way to the table.

“I’ll have the same as you,” he says to her.

“Ok, Mommy,”

“I heard,” I say to her, and she grins at me. I shake my head as I pour out another two bowls. I’m not even sure if Logan likes oat milk. He never had anything like that when we were together. I guess I’ll find out.

Courtney walks out and sits next to Ella. Logan joins then, and I place each bowl down. Brett doesn’t like cereal, and he’s most likely going to make him and Sara something. Last night when I came in from talking to Logan, I had to tell him to stop being so angry. That I needed him to be calm for Ella, that Logan is her father, and he’s not going anywhere, so he has to be civil. He’s not spoken to me properly since.

“What do you have planned today?” Sara asks me.

“I’m teaching a dance class, and then I’ve got rehearsals. I might see if I can pick up work at the Italian cafe I worked at last summer,” I tell her. I notice Brett shake his head. He thinks I work too much in the summer. I do it so that I can save for Christmas and not worry. I only pick up a few lunchtime shifts.

“What was your nightmare about?” Sara quietly asks me so only I can hear. I look past her at Logan to see he’s agreed to go to the park with Ella. “I see,” she turns back to me. “Were they the same as the ones you used to get after he left?” she asks. When Logan left, my nightmares about him changed; they became much more personal. More to do with him leaving.

“It’s fine,” I tell her as I take a banana and chop it up for Ella to eat with her cereal. She doesn’t like it in her cereal; it has to be on a separate plate.

**---**

“Ohmigod, have you seen Logan’s Twitter?” Courtney says to Yasmin and me when she joins us for lunch. Ella is with Logan at the minute. It’s going to be the first time she’s staying at his place. He said he’d take her shopping so she can pick out everything she wanted for her bedroom. Ella was ridiculously excited. The little girl loves to shop; I think that’s Courtney’s influence.

“Or his Instagram?” Melanie says as she takes the seat opposite us.

“You both know I don’t have social media,” I state as I look over the food menu.”And from the last post you told me about when it came to Logan, I don’t really care,”

“Oh,” I hear Yasmin say. I peek over my menu at her to see her looking at her phone. I sigh and hold my hand out. She gives me the mobile, and I see she has Instagram open. I look at the phone screen and see the first picture is a picture of a room. Ella is stood in dungarees painting a wall with a brush that’s bigger than her. Her back is to the camera, and her hair is now in pigtails. The picture is in black and white.

‘Cutest decorator I’ve ever met, try and guess the colour she picked!’ the caption says underneath the picture. I frown and scroll down to the following image to see him holding Ella in the park; their back is to the camera. ‘My daughter,’ is all it says. I scroll again to see it’s an editorial picture of the last interview he did. I hand the phone back to Yasmin and look at Courtney.

“You took that picture in the park?” I ask her.

“Yeah, he told me to take a few,” she tells me. “Do you not see what this means?” she asks. “He’s just announced to the world that he has a daughter,” she explains. I’m not sure what to think of this. I’m not going to read anything into it. When I do, I seem to end up disappointed.

“You should make an Instagram account,” Melanie says as she types on her phone. “That way, he can tag you in any photos of Ella,”

“What, and then everyone back home knows I screwed a teacher,”

“They know anyway,” Courtney says.

“No, they speculate, totally different,” I tell them both and look back at the menu. I do have an Instagram that I’m inactive on. I deleted the app, not my account.

“He has tagged her,” Yasmin says.

“What?” I ask and look over her shoulder at her phone.

“That’s new,” Melanie says and takes a selfie. I frown and shake my head; who would have thought she’d become a beauty influencer? She does it on the side of her main job, but still, I believe she earns more doing all of the social media stuff. Her eyes catch mine, and she smiles. “Taking pics for when I can’t be bothered doing my makeup,” she tells me. I smile a little and look at the picture to see Logan had tagged my old account in it.

“Are you going to get your account back on?” Yasmin asks me. I shrug and go back to my menu.

“I might have the buddha bowl,” I tell them as I ignore the conversation that wants to take place.

“He hasn’t shown her face,” Courtney says.

“Probably to protect her and Megan,” Melanie says. I look at her with a frown. “Well, he’s not asked you if he can post your daughter all over social media. He knows he has crazy fangirls. Showing her face or yours would pose a risk to you both that he’s probably not willing to take,” she pauses. “I do the same. I’ll post the photos of today tomorrow; I don’t want a stalker,” she adds.

“No one does,” Courtney says with a roll of her eyes, making me chuckle a little.

---

**???**

I hold her necklace up to the light as the video of her with Mark plays on my screen. This necklace means a lot to her; I was told it’s her mothers. This is the first time I’ve been able to get a hold of it; she wears it all the time. Luckily for me, she took it off the other day and didn’t put it back on.

Looking back at the screens I have in front of me, I have a live feed of her home on another screen. She’s loading up boxes to go to charity. When I came into work, I thought they were moving. It turns out they’re clearing out the spare room. It took a short of twelve hours before she realised her necklace was missing. I’m surprised she’s not noticed anything else.

Turning my attention back to the screen with her and Mark having sex. She did him a favour; if she hadn’t got rid of him, I would have. My phone rings, distracting me from my planning.

“Hello,” I say, knowing only two people ring this number.

“Did you get rid of him?” the male voice says over the phone.

“She did,” I say to him. Every three days, he rings wanting an update. He has phone call privileges, but he uses the cell phone I’d managed to get to him.

“Did you get her number for me?” he asks.

“No, I’ll try again this weekend. She never has her phone out of her sight,” I tell him.

“What about Logan Peters?” he asks.

“There seems to be friction between them. He has the girl this weekend, leaving Megan alone on Saturday,” I tell him. Silence meets me; I know not to talk when he’s silent. He’s either thinking, or he’s annoyed. I wait with bated breath hoping he’s not the latter.

“I see,” his voice finally says through the phone speaker. “I want you to visit her, film it and send it to me. I want to see her,” he states.

“I already planned on it. I thought this weekend I could finally,” he cuts me off.

“No, I want the kid dead,” he snaps. I hold in my sigh. Killing the child is unnecessary. “Stick with the plan, and you get to have your fun, and so do I,” he tells me.

“Ok,” is all I say. The call ends.

Megan comes into view as she carries a box from the spare bedroom. She's stronger than she looks. She'll fight me; I love it when they fight.

---