Chapter Sixteen

Nakahigang nakatingin sa kisame si Hardin. There was no longer thought in his mind, only the scene when Kieran’s dad talked to him about his son one week ago. He cannot tell Kieran the moment he knelt in front of, Mr. Pornthip, nagmamakaawang kung maari ay hahayaan siya nitong mahalin ang anak nito. He begged, Mr. Pornthip and snatched the old man into a hugged and cried in old man’s shoulder, pero kasing lamig ng tablang isandaang taon na nababad sa tubig si, Mr. Pornthip, he still wants Hardin to renounce his son.

It wasn’t true that the thought of leaving Bangkok was his sudden decision. It’s just his answer with, Mr. Pornthip’s question with options. Leaving Bangkok and renounce Kieran, or, Mr. Pornthip ship Kieran to Canada, Kieran’s mom has a sister living in Toronto, Canada. Parehong napakahirap. Pero kailangan niyang pumili. It took almost three minutes before he parted his lips and said... aalis na lamang siya at babalik.

He never said that he give up on Kieran, bagkus ay nasambit niyang kahit ilang taon ang kailangang ilipas si Kieran pa rin ang mahal niya. That even the time and the circumstances build a wall between them, he promised, Mr. Pornthip, that Hardin can’t change his mind. If he said Kieran, then it’s still Kieran. Mamahalin niya ang anak nito even in a very complex situation.

Walang salitang iniwan siya ni, Mr. Pornthip. He can’t tell exactly kung ano ang nasa isip ni, Mr. Pornthip nang tinalikuran na siya nito at umalis na. Ngayon, ilang araw na niyang hindi nakita si Kieran, ni kausap sa cellphone. Haven’t he told Kieran that if the latter misses him, Kieran feels home to call Hardin? Pero bakit hindi ito tumawag at kausapin siya? Kumusta na kaya ito? Ang huling bilin niya no’ng magkahiwalay sila nang hapong huling pagsasama nila ay kokontakin siya nito whenever Kieran’s needs him.

Maging sina Pharm and Ayne, ay hindi pa rin nakabalik sa bahay na iyon. He misses them. Perhaps at this moment ay magkasama ang tatlo, Kieran, Ayne, and Pharm. Hindi siya pumasok sa araw na iyon, at sa mga lumililipas na araw ay sinubukan niyang hanapin si Kieran sa campus. And if ever he met Kieran by chance he will grab Kieran into a hug. Damn, he badly misses that kid, Kieran.

Siguro ang hindi nito pagtawag sa kanya ay dahil sa daddy nito. Siguro hanggang sa mga oras na iyon ay galit pa rin si, Mr. Pornthip kay Kieran, as always namang galit ito kay Kieran. That was why he and Kieran were both despaired about their happy ending, to have happy ending seems impossible. Kahit sabihing tanggap sila ng mommy ni Kieran, Arthit, pamilya niya, mga kaibigan ni Kieran, at mga taong nakakaintindi sa kanila. There was still, Mr. Pornthip who disapproved their relationship. Hindi pa rin sila maging masaya pag gano’n. But of course they’re both willing to wait, kahit gaano man katagal at kahirap ang sitwasyon.

He smiled bitterly and his stealthily tear’s seeped through his left eye. Mainit ang isang butil na luhang iyon it draw a line to his heart and leaves a tense there. He gave a long profound sigh. There was a moment actually he thought of giving up, the battle is difficult but whenever he thinks of Kieran, and how poor Kieran was when he found Kieran in his deep slumber in serene afternoon of the day he and Kieran celebrated their one month in love with both tears in their eyes—Seperated.

He was in Pattaya that day and thinking of leaving Bangkok, and when he returned home at Bangkok, he found Hardin—that pictures of Kieran while sleeping peacefully with mark of tears in his cheeks. Hardin was hurt and decided to stay. That was the reason he was here and still in Bang Mot.

It was unfair, observing Kieran crying so hard, when Kieran found the letter. Hardin was there and observed Kieran. Naawa siya pero hindi niya magawang lumabas sa kinatataguan niya. It was selfish part of him, but his heart forced him to grabbed Kieran in his warmth hugs at aluin ito. He desperately wanted to move to where Kieran sitting and weeping. Pero hindi niya magawa. Nasasaktan din siya. Umiiyak. Humagulgol and he was shattered. And when Kieran leaves the room, ay pakiramdam niya ay sabay siyang binagsakan ng lupa at langit.

Now, ang isang luha niya kanina ay nadagdagan ng isa pa, at hanggang sa marami na, tila butil ng luha ng langit. Naninikip ang kanyang dibdib. Maybe that feeling, the uneasiness, absentminded, ang lahat ng iyon ay dahil hinahanap niya ang presensiya ni Kieran. He stood up and roughly wipe his wet cheeks.

Lumabas siya ng silid niya at bumababa sa sala. Eksaktong pagbaba niya ay may kumatok sa ibaba. Malaki ang hakbang ni Hardin na tinungo ang pinto para buksan ‘yon. That must be Kieran. The excitement feelings filled him. Pero nadismaya si Hardin nang pagbukas ng pinto ay hindi si Kieran ang iniluwa kundi ang dalawang kaibigan ni Kieran. Bumalik ang mga ito.

“What was with that face, Pee?” Pharm asked as they stepped inside.

“What do you think?” Ayne mumbled and threw himself on the long sofa. “He thought it was Kieran. Look, he seems disappointed.”

“Ah, I get it,” said Pharm. “He was waiting for his wife.”

Tumawa ang dalawa. Mukhang masaya ang mga ito. Hindi niya alam kung sa’n nanggaling ang dalawa at noon lang nakabalik doon.

“Kieran told us the story. Like a movie, like a novel,” Ayne said with some actions. “Two men in love can never be wrong. I learned to not labeled it as wrong.” He looked at Pharm.

Nakatingin siya nang diretso kay Ayne dahil sa binanggit nito. That means magkasama ang mga ito? And where was Kieran? Gusto sana niyang itanong iyon pero napansin niyang naging kakaiba ang kinikilos ni Pharm.

Nakasimangot si Pharm dahil hindi nagbaba ng tingin si Ayne. “H-hey, don’t tell me, dude.”

“You two will end up together.” Iyon na lamang ang nasabi niya sa halip na itanong ang tanong na lumito sa kanya.

Ayne bit his lower lip habang nakatingin pa rin sa mga mata ni Pharm. He has a flirtatious look and smile.

“Can we talk in our room?” Ayne asked in a sexy voice.

“Yàa maa yung.” (Leave me alone) Nakasimangot si Pharm.

“Cute together.” Tukso niya. Matagal na niyang iniisip kung may namagitan nga sa dalawa. Hindi niya alam bakit niya pinoproblema iyon noon.

“See? We have Hardin’s support, Pharm.” Ayne seems so serious.

Pharm smirked. “Support, my ass.”

Ayne smiled. “Pom chob khun khrub.” (I like you very much.)

Nakasimangot si Pharm. Ilang beses na ‘yon narinig ni Pharm mula kay Ayne. Pharm is known for being a prankster, at malay ba ni Pharm ay gumanti si Ayne.

“I’ll pick you up and carry you to the bed the way a husband does to his wife,” ani Ayne sa seryosong boses.

Pharm grinned. “Oh, for god’s sake, don’t drag me with such unwelcome jokes.” He looked at Hardin, masayang-masaya ang hitsura nito.

“Plan to steal someone’s boyfriend,” Ayne smirked.

Bumaling si Pharm kay Ayne.“Pom mai yaak khui gap khun.” (I don’t want to talk to you.)

“Pom chob khun màak gwàa puean.” (I like you more than a friend.)

“Eff off my friend!”

“Really.” Ayne stood up and he swiftly moved and pick up Pharm to his welcome arms. “Just enjoy the ride, honey.” He carry Pharm and they went upstairs. Nagpumiglas si Pharm. “I will drop you, you’ll see. Behave, honey.”

“Be gentle Nong’Ayne. He’s a virgin.” Hardin laughed.

“Pee, have mercy, please save me,” Pharm shouted.

He shrugged. “Why should I save someone who’s about tasting heaven.”

“F*ck you, Pee.”

Tumawa lang si Hardin. “Khun mee tung yang mai khrub?” tanong niya kay Ayne.

Tumawa rin si Ayne at kasabay ng pagtango nito. “Pom mee tung yang khrub.” (Yes, I have a condom.)

Ayne slammed the door shut. Hardin shook his head. Salamat sa dalawa kahit papano ay napangiti siya ng mga ito. Pero ngayong muli na namang nag-iisa siya ay unti-unting bumabalik ang sakit na nararamdaman niya kanina. Narinig niya ang pagbukas ng pinto. Lumingon siya... Kieran... Napaluha siya. Kieran run to him. Niyakap siya nito. Kieran sit on Hardin’s lap. Kieran kissed him na taos puso niya ring ginanti ang halik nito. Kapwa’t habol nila ang hininga nang magkahiwalay ang kanilang mga labi. Umalis ito mula sa pagka-upo nito sa kanyang mga hita. Ibinagsak nito ang sarili sa tabi niya.

“Na miss kita...” Tanging nasambit niya at haplusin ang malambot nitong mga pisngi. Wala siyang narinig na sagot mula kay Kieran subalit ay niyayakap siya nito nang mahigpit. “Musta? Ang Daddy mo? Have you asked him already?”

“I did.” ani Kieran sa basag na boses. “Hanggang ngayon ay hindi pa rin ako kinausap ni, Daddy. It doesn’t surprised me. Old life. Pero nitong limang araw na nagdaan, wala akong ginagawa kundi ang kausapin siya na kahit hindi ako pinapansin.”

“That’s why you are here?” kumpirma niya.

“I just missed you...” Kieran coaxed. Bigla itong tumayo. Hinila siya nito. “Let’s go, Hardin.”

“Go? Where?” he was stunned.

Kieran smiled. “Mr. Pornthip wants to talk to you.” He mentioned his dad named.

“Really?”

NANG nakarating na sila sa Saem Choi sa bahay niya ay biglang tumanggi si Hardin na pumasok. Anito ay may bibilhin lang ito at babalik ito mamaya. He slowly opened the door. Hihintayin na lang niya ito sa loob. Abruptly, he heard voices. He heard his name.

“Kieran is a good son. You didn’t see that because of the hate you have in your heart. And even still today you don’t fully open your heart to him?” his mom said talking to his dad. As if he was sitting beside her and saw her eyes full of understanding. Napahinto siya sa pagpasok sana niya sa loob.

“Despite of pain you gave him, physically and emotionally did he ever try to protest? he chose to love you. But what about you, do you think of him even once? Did you ask yourself how your son struggles because of your pressure and society?” His mom paused for breath. “He’s nineteen years old and been through so much pain.”

“What do you want me to do?” his dad asked his mom.

“I want him to feel genuine happiness. Like what I said open your heart for him. The idea that gay is crime and sin is low and outdated.”

“And if other people misjudges us because of our son sexual orientation, they look at us as not good parents.”

“Honey, I understand you, but Kieran longs for your understanding, tolerance, and your acceptance. Mas mabuting ‘wag mong pakinggan ang sasabihin ng ibang tao tungkol sa anak natin, walang kakampi si Kieran kundi tayo lamang, bakit natin ipadama sa kanya na parang tayo ang kalaban niya. I am proud of having a gay son, at hindi iyon magbabago. Don’t worry about other people. We don’t live with them but with our kids.”

Mr. Pornthip massaged his forehead lightly. He was dumbfounded. His lips quivered.

“I knew it’s hard for you, but if you let go of hate and began to embrace love and understanding, you will understand how our son suffers.”

Kieran hemmed and went inside. Ibinigsak siya niya ang sarili sa tabi ng daddy niya. His dad gave Kieran a quick glance. Nabigla siya nang biglang tumayo ang mommy niya.

“You.. two, need to talk.” Tinalikuran na sila ng mommy niya at humakbang ito palayo.

Hindi niya alam kung ano ang sasabihin niya. His dad seems waiting for him to speak. Parang nawalan na siya ng sasabihin. “Dad, I’m so sorry...” Ilang ulit na ba niyang sasabihin iyon? Pero kailangan niyang uulitin hanggang sa wala pang sagot ang daddy niya.

“Minsan mo rin bang iniisip ang pamilyang pinahiya mo?” mapaklang tanong ng daddy niya.

Napailing siya. “Wala akong pinahiya Daddy. It’s just those people are sick in the head. The word tolerance and acceptance has no place in their heart. Just like...” He can’t say just like you dad. “I loved Hardin...”

“It’s immorally wrong, you know that.”

“If you’d think I loved him because of what you think is immoral like barebacks or s*x, sorry Dad you are wrong. Our relationship isn’t all about s*x. We genuinely love each other, just like you and Mae. Or, you can’t bear the idea that kid Hardin is guy. Yes for thousand times you always hear that I love Hardin, and he’s a guy. I know it makes you sad and frustrated. But Dad that’s how it is, a love between two men. I’m not ashamed to tell everyone that I am a gay.”

“Say it all Kieran.”

Naging masigla ang ngiti niya. “People considered our relationship as wrong because I and Hardin are both man. Everyday I’m going to hear fag, fag, f*cking faggot, just die. However, I still loved Hardin. People can’t change my mind, even to the point that they’re beating me. Being gay isn’t illness. And choosing Hardin, It’s not matter of being gay. It’s simply a matter of love.”

“You didn’t asked me to forgive you?”

“Everyday I’m going to ask you—”

“I can’t give it to you right now. Please have patience Kieran.”

Napa-iyak siya. “I’m in a deep relief now, Daddy. Thank you.” Narinig niya ang mahinang busina ng sasakyan sa labas.

“That must be Hardin,” said Mr. Pornthip.

His eyes widened in shock. “You mean... Alam mong hindi umaalis si Hardin?” Nagsisinungaling siya kay Hardin kanina. Ang sabi niya ay gusto itong kausapin ng daddy niya. Pero ang nasa isip niya ay isurpresa ang daddy niya sa pamamagitan ng presensiya ni Hardin. Dahil naniniwala ang daddy niya na umaalis na sa Bangkok si Hardin. And it turned out that it was him who shocked. How come his dad knew that Hardin didn’t leave Bangkok?

“He can’t leave you. Mahal ka niya. Tell him get inside, I want to talk to him.” Ngiting sambit ng daddy niya.

Walang salitang tumayo siya at agad lumabas para salubungin niya si Hardin. Niyakap niya ito. Nakaguhit sa buong mukha ni Hardin ang kaba at takot. Pero wala na itong magawa nang hinila niya ito sa loob hanggang sa harap ng daddy niya.

Kanina pa nakatingin sa buong mukha ni Kieran si, Mr. Pornthip. Iniwan sila ni Kieran para bigyan sila ng privacy. Nag-angat ng tingin si Hardin at nagkasalubong ang mga mata nila ni, Mr. Pornthip. Tumuwid ng upo si Hardin at inihanda ang sarili sa sasabihin. Pero bago makapagsalita si Hardin ay nagsalita na agad si, Mr. Pornthip.

“I asked you to leave Bangkok, didn’t I?” tanong nito sa mataas na boses. “You told me that you leave and come back after six years, why you are still here?”

“Because I loved him” Hardin was referring with Kieran. “I can’t leave Kieran sad and alone.”

Tumango si, Mr. Pornthip. “But we talked already, and you must leave and renounce Kieran.”

Hardin feels his heart clutching so badly. “But I can’t!”

Ngumiti si, Mr. Pornthip. Hardin was clueless what does smiles for? “You chose the right thing, Hijo. From now on, please promise me, don’y hurt my son, Kieran. Can you please assure me with that? You’re now my son in law. Do you love the idea?”

He was stunned as he slowly looked in, Mr. Pornthip eyes. The old man smiled at him. He heard it right? That, Mr. Pornthip, asked Hardin to take care of Kieran? This is it, the happy ending, he and Kieran wished for a long time. He couldn’t do nothing nor to opened his mouth and answered, Mr. Pornthip. He just nodded three times, and what follows was his tears. Tears of joy.