Chapter twenty
Astrid
I’d had so many unforgettable moments in my life. The day I ate a full roasted thanksgiving turkey for the first time, the day I found out who I really am, and today. While Leon taking a bullet for me was the first most unforgettable moment today, I knew I had found a close second. My mental breakdown in front of Carter fucking Grey.
My heart hammered in my chest as Carter and I made our way to the infirmary. It was nearly impossible to keep the negative thoughts from slithering into my mind. The relief I had felt when I heard Leon was awake was slowly fading away. Just because he was awake doesn’t mean everything was okay.
He was still on the sick bed and that had been my fault. I had put him there. I clutched the hem of my dress and tried to let go of the panic swirling in me. I couldn’t afford to have another panic attack in front of my other brother, especially not when he was on a hospital bed.
I was so focused on not having a panic attack that I didn’t notice that Carter had slowed and he was now walking beside me.
“He’s fine, Astrid.” His voice was firm, like he wouldn’t accept any alternative.
I nodded, more to myself than him, and cleared my throat.
“How long till we get there?”
It was either my anxiety was getting out of hand or we were walking in circles. I could have sworn we had passed the parking lot before. Or maybe I was imagining things. That was highly possible too.
“The infirmary is behind the mansion. I thought a walk would clear your mind before you see him.” he said.
My lips parted in surprise as I stared at him, unable to believe what I just heard. I could have assumed he offered his help earlier because I was a complete emotional wreck, but now that the moment had passed, I had no idea how to deal with his thoughtfulness.
I was used to the way things have always been between us. We hated each other and never missed the opportunity to tear the other down. I didn’t know how to deal with this tentative alliance between us. So I resulted to the one thing I was extremely perfect in. The one way I had learned to communicate with him.
“First, the pep talk and now this? Did a nice alien invade your body or you’ve decided to turn good all of a sudden? Or do you plan on visiting the confessional booth at church?” I was rambling, but I couldn’t stop. Stopping meant thinking of a perfect response, an expression of gratitude, I was too drained for an emotional conversation.
“Don’t do that.” Carter said.
“Don’t do what? I asked despite already knowing what he was talking about.
“Don’t hide your pain and pretend everything is fine when it’s clearly not. Sarcasm won’t always save you, Astrid.”
I averted my gaze from him, my chest tightening at hs words. I hated how he was able to see right through me. I hated that all it took was one panic attack and he could figure out the years of emotional baggage I had carried around. I hated being so transparent.
“’Let’s go see him now.” I said instead. He nodded and led me towards the back of the manor. We walked a few more minutes before we got to our destination.
The infirmary was just as big as a regular clinic. I expected it to be a small extension of the house, like the clinic I had work up in after my bike accident. This place was different. The number of patients that was brought in during our walk to Leon’s room was alarming. They had different kind of wounds, gunshot wound, stab wound, some diferent weapon wounds.
I tore my gaze away, already feeling the urge to throw up. Carter didn’t seem affected by the scene. I wondered how many of these scenes he had witnessed for him to be so unaffected. I had taken one person life, the person who had deserved it, and still felt sick to my stomach. If this is what losing my soul to the dark world was what it took to be an heir, I was certain I didn’t want to be one.
“Leon’s room is at the end of the hallway. I’ll wait here if you wish to talk to him alone.” Carter pointed.
“No, it’s fine. You should see him too.”
I knew he wanted to see Leon even if he wouldn’t admit it. I had seen the panic in his eyes when he saw his brother slumped on the floor in a pool of his own blood. I had seen the fear in his eyes as he tended to his wounds back in the minivan. And I had heard the relief in his voice when he told me Leon was no longer in danger. He needed to see him just as much as me.
Leon was sitting on his bed when we walked in, talking to a doctor. He smiled when he saw me before narrowing his gaze. I knew it was because of my nightgown which hadn’t thought to change before leaving my room.
“Not a single word.” I said sternly but he just chuckled. “Why are you sitting? You should be resting.”
“I think six hours is enough time to rest.” he snorted. “Beside, I’m a doctor. I know how to take care of myself.”
“If by takig care of yourself, you meant jumping in front of incoming bullet like some wannabe heros, but you do not know how to take care of yourself.” Carter scoffed.
I had temporarily forgotten that he was standing there. But Leon hadn't. He leveled his brother with a glare.
“I'm not trying to be anything. Our heir was in danger and I saved her. It's what any Shadow would have done.” Leon retorted.
It was almost comical how Carter had comforted me earlier but couldn't express himself to his brother. If he had just told him he was worried about him, all these would have ended. But instead, he bailed.
“I need to get some work done at the manor. Get some rest and… be fine.” Carter said and rushed out.
I sighed and wondered if Carter was more like me than he would like to admit. We would both rather bottle up our emotions than share it with the people we care about.
“Why was he even here?” He scoffed.
“Believe it or not but he actually brought me here. I'm sure that was supposed to be an attempt to ask how you were feeling.”
“Well, that was a shitty attempt.” He mumrmured and I snorted in agreement.
“How are you really feeling? And don't give me the ‘I’m a doctor’ speech. Answer me honestly.”
Leon drew a long sigh. “Honest answer, I feel like I was hit by bullet.”
He gave me a small smile but my face fell. The negative thoughts had started creeping in back. Leon must have noticed the shift in my emotions because he adjusted his sitting.
“Listen, Astrid, I know what you must be thinking and I'm telling you it's not the truth. It's not your fault they I got shot. People get injured during a fight. Don't put this burden on yourself.”
I tried, I really tried to ignore the voice at the back of my head and listened to Leon. I wanted to believe that it wasnt my fault. But…
“The Serpents went to the club because of me. We knew they were after me and I still insisted on going out. I ended up putting everyone’s life in danger like I always do.” I said.
“That's complete bullshit. Neither of us made plans to go out that day. We just did. And we didn't tell anyone. There was no way they would assume you would be at the club and carry out their attack. Something isn't right.” Leon said. He appeared to be in deep thoughts.
I realized he was right. There was no way they would have planned their attack that day if they had only gotten the information after we got to the club. The attack had taken place just a few hours after we got there.
So unless they had their entire men on standby for any sighting of ‘the heir’, me, then they had come to the club for a different reason. We had just been at the wrong place at the wrong time.
I stayed with Leon for a while longer before leaving him to rest. He had protested, claiming he was fine but I wasn't buying it.
When I got outside, Carter was leaning casually against the wall. I wanted to ignore him and proceed towards the manor, but I just…couldn't.
“You know, you could have asked him actual questions about his health instead. I'm sure he would have appreciated it.” I said.
Carter nodded absentmindedly. “How is he?”
“He's fine. Getting better. The bullet didn't hit any vital part of her stomach. We rushed him here in time so that saved his life too.” I said.
Carter stared ahead without giving me a response. I guess the vulnerable Carter was over and his old self is back. I didn't really care what version of him I got.
I held my head high. “I want to learn how to fight with…everything. Guns, knives, and physical combat.”
A look of amusement crossed his features. “Why does the lost heir want to learn how to fight?” he asked.
“Because I'm tired of everyone thinking I'm easy prey. Someone they can capture with zero preparations in advance. I want to be worthy of my name. The last descendant of the Wolfe line.”