Chapter 29 - Jack

A month passed. Then two. Then three. By the time fall bled into winter, Jack was numb.

Every Wednesday night he dutifully reported to Lane’s place and ate pasta while Lane rattled on about the men he’d ‘just so happened’ to meet while out and about during his day that would be perfect for Jack. Jack ate in silence and nodded when appropriate.

It was hard to invest himself in the idea of dating when his heart lived in Los Angeles.

In mid-December on a Wednesday night, Jack curled up against the corner of Lane’s couch with a bowl of spaghetti. He twirled his fork listlessly.

“There’s a Christmas event going on in Fort Bragg,” Lane said. “I was reading about it the other day, and it sparked my memory, so I thought that I’d get back in touch with Warren and see what he was up to. Turns out he’s still single. You guys should go together.”

“To a military Christmas function?” Jack set his fork down and stared at Lane in disbelief. “You want me to get dolled up and go with a soldier to his Christmas function?”

“Well… yeah?” Lane smiled uneasily. “I didn’t think it was such a big deal.”

“I’ve never met the guy before,” Jack said.

“But what better time to meet him than at Christmas?” Lane shuffled around so he faced Jack directly. He had his knees bent in front of him. He rested his chin on them. “You’ll get dolled up, go have a great time at a magical event, maybe even feel some sparks and get luc—”

“I don’t need to get lucky.” Jack set his spaghetti aside. “Lane, I know you mean well, but this isn’t something I want to do.”

“It’s been a long time, Jack,” Lane lamented. “You haven’t been happy in a long time. I’m starting to get worried about you.”

Jack frowned. He didn’t want Lane to worry, but at the same time, he wasn’t ready to move on. Craig still sent him texts, and from time to time they found time in their schedules to video chat each other, but it wasn’t the same. The same written words that had once made Jack laugh and blush now felt hollow.

Jack had experienced the real thing. He wanted it back.

“But nothing’s happening between you and Craig, right?” Lane asked. “Last I heard, you were still undecided on the whole relationship thing. That hasn’t changed, right?”

“No.” Jack ran his hands over his thighs. “Nothing’s changed.”

“So… so it’s not wrong for you to go out and have some fun. I don’t like to see you moping around.” Lane reached out and squeezed Jack’s arm. “You deserve to live the life you want to live, not one consumed with misery like this.”

“… I’ll be okay in time,” Jack said.

If Jack was being honest, he didn’t know if that was true. Nothing had changed since Craig and Isaac had left. The pain had faded, but it hadn’t disappeared. When they were around, Jack was happy. He didn’t realize how much of an effect Craig and Isaac had on his stuffy life until they were gone.

“Well, if you say so.” Lane frowned. “Roman and I are going to be staying home for Christmas. We’re going in the New Year to visit his Granny in California, but otherwise we’re going to be home. Do you want to come over for Christmas dinner? I can cook a turkey, and we can eat peas and mashed potatoes and enough bread that I won’t be able to fit into my get-lucky jeans anymore.”

“Maybe. Can I let you know in a couple of days?”

“Totally.” Lane smiled. This time it was reassuring. “You’re always welcome here. I know how it is to feel lonely.”

Jack knew that as long as he lived in the duplex, he’d never really be alone. Lane was always there for him, and so was Roman. Dylan and Brad would drop whatever they were doing to help him if he ever needed it. He’d found his family.

But it also felt like he’d lost his family, too.

“I think I need to go home and mope for a little while,” Jack said. “Sorry about not eating. I’m not really all that hungry.”

“It’s spaghetti,” Lane said. “I didn’t break the bank making it. Roman’ll probably eat it when he gets in from his yoga studio later.”

“How’s that going, by the way?” Jack asked as he got up from the couch. “Is it still successful?”

“Yeah, it’s been going great. And I’m certainly not complaining that his flexibility has gone through the roof since the studio became his full-time gig.”

“… Gross.” Jack laughed.

Lane stuck out his tongue. “You know, yoga is pretty good for meditation, too. If you’re ever in a place where you want to clear your mind, Roman can probably help you out. He’s got great beginner lessons. He’s been working me through some of them.”

“And that’s my cue to leave,” Jack said. “I’m not looking to bend myself into a pretzel any time soon.”

“That’s what I thought, but it’s really not like that. Basically it’s… I don’t know. It’s like stretching, but with higher purpose.” Lane showed him to the door. Jack shrugged on his jacket. “The offer’s there, both for Christmas and for yoga. And of course, you’re welcome to come over whenever you want. You know I’m almost always around.”

“Yeah, except when you’re going to Fort Bragg to sniff out eligible gay men,” Jack said. He stuck out his tongue. “Goodnight, Lane.”

“Night, Jack.” Lane opened the door.

Jack was about to step through it when he saw something through the dark. He stood in the doorway, frozen.

“Do you see that?” Jack asked. He pointed at his front porch.

“Um.” Lane stood on his tiptoes to peek over Jack’s shoulder. He narrowed his eyes. “That blob?”

“Sitting on the bench.”

“Look down the street,” Lane said. “The car parked in the distance, that’s Hunter’s, isn’t it?”

Jack held back a sigh. “I swear to god…”

Since Hunter had taken a punch, he hadn’t been back. Jack figured he’d gotten the message and moved on. It looked like he was wrong.

“I’m going to stay here and watch what happens,” Lane said. “If it looks like something bad’s going down, I’ll call the cops, okay?”

Jack figured that Lane was going to call Brad and make sure he was watching, too. With two SEALs living in the compound, security usually wasn’t an issue.

But with Hunter?

“Nothing’s going to happen,” Jack said.

“You’re not taking him back, are you?” Lane asked hesitantly. “Right?”

Jack didn’t need to think twice about it. He didn’t love Hunter. He might never have. Now that he knew what love was all about, he wouldn’t settle for something less.

He loved Craig. There was no getting around it.

“I’m not taking him back,” Jack said. “I’m going to tell him to get off my property. I’m not going to tolerate him hanging around. I thought he got the message in September.”

“Apparently not.” Lane stepped back. “Be safe, okay? I’ll keep an eye out.”

“Thanks.”

Jack stepped out into the night. Lane closed the door behind him, but Jack felt Lane’s eyes on him as he crossed the property to head for his duplex. The closer he got, the more obvious it became that Hunter was waiting for him. Hunter’s hands were tucked in his jacket pockets. He wore a hat to keep his ears warm. He seemed content to wait for Jack while Jack was clearly out.

When Jack approached, Hunter lifted his head. “Baby, hey.”

“What did I tell you about coming around here, Hunter?” Jack asked as he climbed the porch steps.

“No, it’s not like that.” Hunter sighed. “I mean, not like it was when you told me. You’ve been alone for the last little while, Jack. I noticed you and your boyfriend broke up. Did he decide he was straight again?”

“You need to leave,” Jack said.

“I don’t want to be alone for Christmas.” Hunter ignored him. “I don’t want you to be alone, either. I’m renting a little house on the outskirts of town. It’s got a big property. No neighbors, no eyes on us, no sound restrictions… we can have fun. A lot of fun. Like we used to.”

Jack recalled past Christmases spent with Hunter. Drunk off eggnog and curled up beneath the blankets, their ritual was to leave bed as little as possible. But Jack didn’t want sex. Sex was the cherry on top, but it was far from the whole dessert. What Jack wanted was a relationship, a family, and someone to care for. He wanted commitment. He remembered all the small moments he’d shared with Craig—nursing Isaac back to health, going out to the football game, and coaxing Craig into going grocery shopping—and it made him hungry for domesticity.

Jack wanted a simple life full of love, not a rocky relationship focused on sexual compatibility.

The fact that sex with Craig was so satisfying only made what they had better.

“No,” Jack said firmly. “I’m not interested. I wasn’t interested three months ago and I’m not interested now.”

“But you’re single,” Hunter objected. “Why the hell are you turning me down? We’re so hot together between the sheets, Jack. Even if you don’t want me forever, why don’t we just mess around through the next few weeks? No strings. We can welcome in the new year together.”

Jack couldn’t think of something he wanted less. He shook his head.

Hunter stood. His fists were clenched. A car crept down the street and parked not far from the property. Jack saw the headlights from the corner of his eyes. He was sure that it was Roman coming back from the studio at Lane’s insistence.

A little backup wasn’t all that bad. With Roman and Lane watching, Jack was safe.

The car door opened, then closed.

“No. Why can’t you get it into your head? No.”

“Why are you making such a big deal about this?” Hunter’s eyes were narrowed and his face was tight with irritation. “All I want is your dick, Jack. I want your dick in my ass. That’s all I want. I don’t care if you’re in love or if you’re still hurting from our breakup or whatever. I want sex. We could have a lot of really good sex for as long as it’s convenient for both of us. I don’t understand what’s so wrong with that.”

“And that’s why we could never make this work,” Jack said. He kept his anger from bubbling over, but he was pissed. “You don’t understand the first thing about love, Hunter. You don’t understand what it does to a man. I can’t be with you because I would never want to hurt the man I love, even if the man I love doesn’t love me back.”

There were footsteps on the stairs right behind Jack. A calm, familiar voice broke through the night. “Are you so sure that man doesn’t love you back, Jack?”

Craig.

Jack spun around, eyes wide. Craig stood behind him. Isaac slept cuddled in his arms, protected from the cold by blankets.

“Craig!” Jack gasped.

“Are you even serious?” Hunter grumbled.

“I’m back,” Craig said. The smile on his face was the best gift Jack could have asked for. The sadness Jack felt melted away all at once, leaving hope in its place. “If you’ll have me?”

There wasn’t any doubt in Jack’s mind when he said, “Yes!”