Chapter 478 Chapter 478
His brows furrowed, “your cat is afraid of everything?” The concern in his eyes was intense, “you should have said something, I could have helped.”
Her eyes filled with unshed tears, and this was exactly what she was hoping to avoid. “You already help me and everyone so much, I didn’t want to bother you.”
His eyes searched her face, “when you’re out running, you didn’t look afraid.”
She shook her head quickly, “not then. Then, well, once she’s out she’s fine, I’m talking about all of the rest of the time.”
He reached and caught a tear with his thumb before it had a chance to fall from her lashes. “You should have told me.”
“You have enough to focus on—”
His expression softened, “focusing on you helps me not focus,” he tapped his head, “on all this.” He stood there, looking down at her, “they said marking me was a good idea?”
She could hear the doubt in his voice. “I’d like to know what you think about that.”
His brows furrowed, then lifted as he thought about it.
“I’ve seen you watch the mated couples.” His expression was panic. “No one else notices. I don’t think anyone watches you the way I do.” She grimaced, “that sounded creepy.”
His lips twitched like he wanted to smirk, but the serious question she’d asked was weighing him down. “I never thought,” he released her hand and took a deep breath as he thought. When he stepped back, her hand dropped away. “I don’t know—you want to?”
She could hear the surprise in his voice. “You’re a good man, Noah, I’ve told you that and you understand me and my,” she took a deep breath, “limitations.”
A look of understanding appeared in his eyes. “I’m not exactly a catch.” He frowned and looked at the ground for a moment, “I don’t know if I can do this—” he motioned between them, “I don’t know if I can be a mate, the way other men can be—”
“That kind of fits in an odd way,” she hugged her arms around her waist and wished for a moment this wasn’t as difficult as it was. “I don’t know if I will ever be able to,” she closed her eyes and tried to think of how to say it, “I know you’re nothing like,” she opened her eyes, she couldn’t say his name “them, and would never…”
“No.” He stepped closer and then stopped before he reached her, “I would never hurt you.”
“I know.” She swatted her cheek to try to erase the tear on it. “I don’t know if I will ever…”
Noah nodded and closed the distance quickly. He touched just her cheek, with the back of his fingers, but it felt like the most loving touch she’d ever felt. “You know I don’t care about that, right?” He lifted one shoulder and then let it drop, “I’m not saying I’m not attracted to you,” he sucked in a breath, then blew it out, “but I don’t,” he shook his head and then clamped his jaw shut.
It was sad and emotional, but she couldn’t help a brief smile, “we’re a perfectly broken couple.”
His nostrils flared, “couple.” He whispered it, tasting the word on his tongue. “Are we?”
“I believe that’s what I’ve been trying to talk to you about and find out.” Her nerves were back again, the careful composure she’d spent all day working on was gone. She needed to know now if she waited any longer, she was going to end up having one of her panic attacks and then that would be the end of this discussion. “Do you want to mark me, Noah?” His eyes rounded and looked huge for a second and then his whole expression and aura changed. Noah opened his mouth, then he shut it and squinted for about ten seconds before he finally closed his eyes and took a deep breath. When he finally opened them again, she could see how uneasy he was talking about this. She stood there patiently, giving him the time, he needed, despite how anxious she was feeling.
“I do—” he stretched the word out slowly, “I just don’t know if I can.” He put his hand over his heart, “I mean, I would be honored, even though I’m not deserving of a mate,” he motioned to her, “especially you, but I have problems with my cat too.” He rolled his eyes, “as you know.”
It looked like he was squirming just saying that much to her, she moved closer again and wanted to touch him, but didn’t want to spook him as her cat confirmed that was a possibility. “Well, that’s a start, right? That we both want to?”
He looked at her for a moment, and then seemed to relax. “Yes.” His voice was deeper, and she wasn’t sure if that was a good thing or a bad thing.
She hugged herself and just looked at him. He was much stronger than he thought he was. She hated that he doubted himself so much.
His eyes narrowed and then he glanced to the side a few times. “We should talk about the house.” He blurted out and then nodded.
Emersyn had to fight not to smile, he was just as out of place in this conversation as she was, and the house was a neutral topic for them. Although if she gave him too long to think about that he’d realize it was another important step for both of them. “Let’s go look at it. I want your input on what to get.” She clasped her hands in front of her to walk over. “Cooper told me that we didn’t have to worry about the cost of anything.”
Noah made a sound of exasperation and reached over and pulled one of her hands to hold in his. “Every time you do that it takes me back there.” She walked along with him, “you don’t have to walk with your head down and hands clasped in front of you anymore.” He glanced down at her, and she could see the haunted look was back in his eyes again.
“I forget sometimes.” She whispered it.
“I know.” His tone had softened. “So do I, a hundred times a day.”