Chapter 477 Chapter 477
She almost put her shoes on the wrong feet. This was a lot harder than she thought it would be. Emersyn was trying to do what Kobie and Shaelan told her to do. Project calm, because Noah picked up on every other emotion too easily. They were right, the last thing she needed was for him to panic and his animal to go into protection mode, then she’d never get him to hear what she needed to say. He was already close to panic, or that could be nerves.
Putting her jacket on, she did it up quickly and then went back to the kitchen. To wait for him. She had no idea how she was going to say what she wanted to, none at all. The advice given was just to tell him the truth. She cringed, the truth was ugly, and speaking it out loud would end with her being too upset to tell him. She heard him coming back and took a deep breath before she turned around to smile at him. Did her smile hide the truth of how nervous she was? They were real smiles. It was easy for her to smile at him.
“Is everything all right?” He made a jerky movement with his hand, “with you?”
She didn’t want to verbally lie to him, so she just smiled again and nodded her head. Opening the door, she stepped out and took a deep breath. The cool air was nice. All scents changed in the cool air, she noticed and was pleased by her little discovery. With slow steps, she walked toward the playset, having no idea what she was going to do once she was there. “So, we are going to have a firepit?”
Noah walked beside her, his hands jammed into his pocket, his head down. “Yeah. I thought it was a good idea.” He paused and then pointed to the other side of the yard, “I thought we could put it there with some benches or chairs or something around it.”
He sounded unsure of his idea. “That’s a good idea.” She went over to one of the swings and sat down. She felt a little giddy inside, she hadn’t been on one since she was a girl. Pushing it back she let it rock her back and forth in a slow easy motion, dragging her feet lightly along the ground.
Noah stood there beside the swing, his hands still in his pockets. He had his head down, causing his hair to fall over his eyes, so she couldn’t see his expression.
Inhaling subtly, she took his scent into her body, he was so nervous and tense she didn’t know how he was just standing there. Closing her eyes, she lifted her feet, so it felt like she was floating with the motion of the swing. She knew exactly how he was standing there so still when so many emotions were going through him. It was something you learned to survive. Reacting to anything could land a backhand across your face or worse. She opened her eyes and looked at him, he’d lived through the worst part. “Do you ever think of how it was amazing that it was you that was with that team when you came to the house and found me?” She watched him watching her. “I mean what are the odds that it would be you and not one of the others?” After he searched her face for a long silent moment, he shook his head. “I do. Think about it.” She kicked her feet so the swing would move again. “I don’t believe in fate and all that,” she shrugged, “stuff.” She was trying to find a way to lead into what she wanted to talk about, hopefully, she managed it before he had one of his episodes where his mind got the better of him. “If it hadn’t been you to find me, I could have ended up anywhere,” she saw him take a deep breath, “I wouldn’t have Aspyn back and,” she stopped the swing and stood up, “I wouldn’t know you.” His breathing was growing to be more erratic, and she knew she needed to talk faster before he froze up or worse. “I’m sorry, I’m trying to figure out how to say what I want to say.”
“It’s okay if you don’t want to move into the other house or-or if you don’t want me to,” he nodded, “I get it.”
“That’s not it, Noah.” She stepped closer to him and then paused to see if her cat was still with her, she needed her with her right now. “I do want to move into the other house—with you.” Her cat was quiet, but very much aware of every word, every breath they each took, and how his cat was starting to stir. She put her hand on his chest and was glad he had left his jacket open, so she could feel the heat of his body beneath his shirt. It calmed her almost as much as she knew it did him. “Last night,” she blew out a nervous breath, “was,” she licked her lips trying to find the word to describe it, “unexpected,” his eyes flicked to connect with hers and she saw the guarded look in them, “not the kiss, that was,” she felt her cheeks heat and could only smile, “I was talking about the part with my cat and wanting to bite you.” Confusion went through his eyes, and she sucked in a breath, “this was much easier to talk about with the women.” She gave him a hesitant smile, “I don’t know how to say this.” She started to move her hand when he grabbed it lightly and held it there.
“Just say it.” His voice shook, “I’m going to lose my mind if you don’t get to the point.” He grimaced, “you know what I mean?”
She nodded and bit her lip. Did she just blurt it out? Blowing out a breath, she forced herself to raise her chin and meet his look and hold it. “We’re mates,” she cringed, bad start, “I mean we’ve proven that it’s true.” She watched him hoping for some kind of reaction.
“Yeah,” he said it breathlessly, “it’s strange, but-but not in a bad way.” He spoke slowly like he was afraid to say it. “I can feel when you’re close and,” his muscles tightened under her hand, “when I think I’m going to lose it, you can just,” he patted her hand on hers, “and it calms both of us.”
She smiled, hearing him say it meant more than just knowing it. “I talked to the women about my cat ruining our moment last night and wanting to bite you,” she tried to gauge his thoughts about sharing something like that with others, he didn’t look upset by her confession, “they both think if I did, if-if,” she swallowed quickly, “if I did, that our cats would feel more connected and stable.” She shook her head, “that’s not the word they used, but what they meant was it would help you keep yours calmer and-and mine would stop being so afraid of everything.”