Chapter 18 Mother Dearest
ZADE
Indigo knelt beside the narrow bed, gently dabbing a damp cloth to Lila's flushed forehead. The child struggled to breathe, each little inhale like a knife twisting in Indie's chest. I could see it in the way her fingers trembled just enough to betray her. My bunny was trying so hard not to cry.
I leaned against the wall with my arms folded, watching her. Her Flamekeeper robes had slipped off one shoulder, exposing the delicate line of her collarbone.
She looked like a goddess trying to play human and failing beautifully.
West hovered close by, his arms crossed. His gaze kept darting between Indigo and me in a way that made me want to pluck his eyes out.
Indie dipped the cloth again, wrung it out, and pressed it back to Lila's temple. A soft whimper slipped from her daughter's lips. And Indie swallowed hard, blinking rapidly in attempt to hold back her tears.
I pushed off the wall.
Two steps brought me behind her. Then I crouched with one knee to the floor, close enough that my chest brushed her back. She stiffened for a moment, then she melted.
I slid my hand over her back, patting lightly.
"You're doing everything right, Bunny."
She shook her head. "I left her. I left her with him."
"And you're here now," I whispered. "You're here, and she's still breathing."
A tear finally escaped, sliding down her cheek. I caught it with my thumb before it could fall onto Lila.
"Don't," I murmured. "Don't waste those on guilt."
West cleared his throat, and we both looked up.
He stood rigidly, his eyes narrowed. The mere sight made me want to snort.
"Are you both aware that she's still legally my wife?" he said, his voice thick. "And that makes this—" he gestured vaguely between us "—more than just a little fucked up?"
Indigo froze. Her fingers tightened on the cloth until her knuckles whitened.
I tilted my head slowly, unimpressed.
"Why are you being nosy, West?" My tone stayed soft.
"She's still wearing my ring in the eyes of the pack," he said. "You think you can play hero and pretend that the last few years didn't happen?"
Annoyance simmered inside of me.
I imagined wrapping my hand around his throat, squeezing until the cartilage cracked, and ripping his tongue out through his teeth so he could never speak her name again. The visual was so clear I could almost smell copper.
"Enough," my bunny finally said. She didn't look at West when she spoke. "How long has she been sick?"
West dragged a hand through his hair, exhaling hard.
"Since the night you left," he said hoarsely. "The healers thought it was just a cold at first. Then it climbed. They said... they said it might be tied to whatever happened to you."
Indie's breath caught in her throat. She looked down at Lila's small face, her eyes clouding up with tears again.
"Mummy?" Lila suddenly spoke, opening her eyes.
Indie gasped, cupping her face.
"Is that you, Mommy?"
"Yes, sweetheart. It's me," Indie replied, her voice cracking.
There was a loud knock on the door. "Flamekeeper, we have to go on with the trial—"
"No, not when my baby is sick," she replied firmly.
"Mommy, do you hate me?" Lila asked, and my sweet bunny shook her head, letting out a sob.
Indigo's whole body jerked as if she'd just been slapped. Her hands froze on either side of Lila's face, her thumbs still brushing damp curls from the girl's temples.
"No," she choked out. "No, baby, no. I could never—"
"Aunt Stella said you hate me." Lila's lower lip trembled, her eyes glassy and unfocused. "She said you cursed me... that's why I'm sick. She said you left because you didn't want us anymore."
The room went deathly quiet, and then Indie let out a painful sob.
I stayed crouched behind her, one hand still resting on the small of her back. Just so she'd know I was still there.
West made a strangled noise, stepping forward half a step before stopping himself. His face was pale, his mouth opening and closing like a fish drowning in air.
"Lila—" he started, his voice rough.
But the girl wasn't looking at him.
Her fever-bright eyes were locked on Indigo.
"Mommy... come back home." Her tiny fingers curled weakly into the blanket. "Please. Come home with Daddy. We can be together again. I won't talk to Aunt Stella anymore. I promise. I'll be good. I won't let her say bad things. Just... come home."
Tears finally rolled down Indigo's cheeks. She pressed her forehead to Lila's, her shoulders shaking.
"I never hated you," she whispered, her voice cracking. "I never cursed you. I love you more than anything in this world, baby. I didn't leave because I wanted to."
Lila's eyes fluttered, confusion and pain warring with exhaustion.
"But... Daddy said you left us. Aunt Stella said—"
West flinched.
Indigo lifted her head slowly. When she looked at him, the fire in her eyes was lethal.
"You let her say that to my daughter?" Her voice was eerily icy. "You let your mistress tell my six-year-old that her mother cursed her? That I hated her?"
West swallowed hard. "Indie, I—"
"Don't." She cut him off without raising her voice. "Don't speak."
Lila whimpered again, reaching up with trembling fingers to touch Indigo's cheek.
"Mommy... stay. Please stay with us. I don't want to be sick anymore. I want you and Daddy and me. Like before."
Indigo let out a sob. She gathered Lila against her chest, rocking slowly, and pressing kisses to the top of her head.
"I'm here now," she whispered over and over. "I'm here. I'm not going anywhere. I promise, baby. Mommy's here."
I stayed perfectly still.
Later, when Lila was breathing easier and Indigo wasn't drowning in guilt, I would decide exactly how much pain he deserved for letting another woman poison his daughter's mind against her own mother.
For now, though...
I shifted closer, sliding one arm around Indigo's waist from behind, steadying her as she rocked.
Lila's fever-glazed eyes drifted towards me. She blinked slowly.
"Who... who are you?" she mumbled.
Indigo tensed in my hold.
I looked down at the tiny girl. This child carried pieces of Indigo in her face, in her stubborn little chin, and in the way she clung to her mother tightly, even when she could barely move.
"I'm the man who's going to make sure you get better," I said. "And then I'm going to make sure no one ever hurts you or your mom again."
Lila stared at me for a long second. Then her eyelids fluttered shut again, too heavy to keep open.
Indigo exhaled shakily, leaning back into me just enough to let me take some of her weight.
West watched us, and something dark and bitter flashed across his face.
Indigo pressed another kiss to Lila's temple.
"I can't lose her, Zade."
I tightened my arm around her waist.
"You won't."
The door rattled again with another impatient knock from outside.
"Flamekeeper! The trials—"
Indigo's head snapped up. Her voice, when she spoke, was steely.
"Tell Mara the trials are postponed until my daughter is no longer dying in my arms."
Indie finally tucked Lila under the blankets, her movements gentle. Motherhood suited her wonderfully.
Indigo leaned down and pressed her lips to the crown of her daughter's head. Then she straightened slowly.
"This place isn't good for her, Indie," West suddenly said. "The air's thick with incense and smoke. The place is cold. She needs real healers, real medicine, not... whatever ritual bullshit they're doing here. She needs her pack. She needs her home."
He took one careful step closer.
"You should come back with us. Both of you. The pack can protect her. I can protect her."
Indigo stared at him over Lila's sleeping form, her expression unreadable.
I straightened slowly, and the bastard froze.
But he held his ground. Brave little fucker. Or stupid. It's hard to tell the difference sometimes.
I took one step forward, bloodlust stirring in my chest.
West's throat bobbed.
Indigo's voice cut through before I could close the distance.
"Get out."
West opened his mouth. "Indie—"
"Out. Now."
He stared at her for a long second, a raw expression flashing across his face. Then his shoulders dropped. He glanced at Lila, and turned.
Then he was gone.
Indigo exhaled shakily, pressing both hands to the edge of the bed like she needed it to stay upright.
I took a step towards her, only to freeze when my ears began to ring, the familiar murmurs flooding my mind.
‘Save us!’
‘We know you can hear us!’
‘Don’t leave us to rot!’
My eyes watered as pain speared through my skull.
The voices swelled, screaming, laughing, and weeping, all at once. They clawed at the inside of my skull, black spots swimming across my vision.
I pressed the heel of my hand to my temple.
No.
My chest heaved as I shuffled backwards, mortified by the realization that I was about to go into psychosis right in front of…her. Shit.
Indigo turned.
"Zade?"
I opened my mouth to answer. Nothing came out.
My knees buckled, and I barely managed to reach for the wall. Indigo stepped towards me, her eyes wide.
"Zade…what's wrong?"