Part 59

After all the tears, the only feeling I could perceive was the unbearable weight at the base of my stomach, pressing against my lungs and making it hard to breathe. I waited and waited and waited, hours passing so slowly that I lost track of time. The horrible pain moved from the pit of my stomach to my chest squishing my heart in a deadly grip that tore an anguish breath out of my throat. I felt the air of the room rising in temperature becoming thick and humid. But there was nothing I could do.

Avon remained by my side for the first few lectures, keeping an eye on me as if I was at risk. He had another lesson so I bid him goodbye with the promise of meeting him for lunch soon. The Alpha appeared hesitant to leave me alone but I assured him that everything was alright.

For a while, I was relieved that I did not have to face Abel for the class. How long can I escape him? Even if I don’t see him in school he’s still my neighbour and brother’s best friend. I cringed internally, my shoulders sagging as I walked the hallway that led to the library.

It was a bad idea. Getting involved with my professor who also happened to be my brother’s best friend. I should have known.

In retrospect, it was my fault. Abel never did say that he was looking for anything serious and like a fool, I went and set out my heart to the one person I should not. Our whole arrangement began with a sexual encounter.

Putting self-deprecating joking aside, it is, in fact, my fault. Then again, I thought of the few situations where he truly made me feel as if we could be something else.

When I heard about his arranged engagement with Allie I should have backed out. It would have saved a lot of trouble but my best friend did not want to be part of it. She saved me from getting into grave situations before.

But the trouble I found myself in is not, unfortunately, one that someone else could help me out of, even if I could somehow get over his embarrassment and explain the situation. I clenched my eyes shut at the mere thought of approaching my brother to tell him about my current situation. Avon simply reached to grab Abel’s collar but my brother might slash his throat.

Good thing he doesn’t know.

Once inside the library, I put my headphones in and tried to complete my assignment. Zoning in the words on the paper I lost track of time and before I knew it, there was a light tap on my shoulder. I jolted in my seat at the touch, lifting my head only to find Avon grinning at me.

“Working hard or hardly working?”

“Hey!” I pressed my lips together.

“Let’s go! I already decided on what I want to eat.”

I sighed. I almost forgot that I promised to get lunch with him. Even though I had no appetite the excitement on his face made me stand up.

“Where are we going?”

“There’s this amazing Thai place I discovered they make the best curry. It’s a minute's walk from our uni. You’ll love it.”

I nodded, following him outside the library.

***

“So when am I picking you up for Yana’s party today?”

“Huh?” I blinked at Avon, as he kept using wet wipes to clean his fingers, a content smile on his face. The empty curry bowl in front of him was enough proof that he truly loved this place. “What party?”

“Yana is throwing a party tonight because her parents are on a trip. You know how huge her place is, right?! It’ll be amazing.”

I hummed. Yana had a reputation for throwing amazing parties or so I have heard. I have never been to one. Not that it interested me but everyone on the campus pretty much talked about her parties.

“Umm…I don’t think so. There’s a lot of work for me to do…”

“Emma” Avon interrupted sternly. “I know what you are going through and nothing I say will make this better but do not let him have so much power over you. Please come to this party. It will make you feel better. Please.”

My teeth sank on the bottom lip, watching as his eyes bore into my skin, hands clenched together. I had no intention of going anywhere but back to my room and maybe moping till Allie came back home. Then again the thought of going there and running into Abel set dread in the pit of my stomach.

“When is the party?”

“At seven. We can get dinner and go or I can pick you up from your place. Your choice.”

“Uh…is it okay if we hang out at your place till the party?…” I trailed, suddenly avoiding meeting his eyes and looking at the table. My plate was still half full, the spoon resting on one side.

“Of course! You don’t need to ask. That’s great. We can watch a movie. I have so many things on my watchlist. Let’s go.”

***

I texted Allie about my plans for the night. All she said was that I needed to be careful in response. I hearted the message not bothering to reply.

By the time we made it to the party it was crowded, reeking of sweat and alcohol, music blaring through the speakers and making the floor vibrate at the intensity. I recognised most of the faces, slurring and yelling at the top of their voices.

Yana greeted us as soon as we walked through, her eyes droopy but smile still radiant. Her steps were wobbly as she tried to stand in front of us. She had way too many drinks.

“I am glad you guys made it! Let me get you something to drink…”

“That’s alright. We can help ourselves.” Avon smiled at her, looking around.

Five drinks later I barely managed to kick the bathroom door shut behind me before collapsing onto my knees in front of the toilet. Tears gathered at the corners of my eyes as I purged the contents of my stomach from the night — all swirling together in a grotesque mess in the bowl.

Fortunately, emptying my insides seemed to offer some amount of relief, and once the initial wave passed, I slumped against the toilet, leaning my forehead against my arm. Every breath dragged laboriously in and out of my lungs as I willed the nausea to pass.

“Emma?” There's a soft knock, accompanied by Avon’s gentle voice calling from outside the door.

I let out a groan.

Avon and I had a shot together before he was dragged by his old schoolmates to the dance floor they made in the living room. Watching the couples surround me did not help my situation and I chugged one too many drinks.

The Alpha outside took my silence as an invitation, the door swinging open, momentarily filling the bathroom with the pumping bass of the music. He had a glass of water in his hand.

"Here, drink some water.” Avon crouched next to me and nudged the glass against my lips, encouraging me to take a sip. I parted my lips, but the world kept swimming around, so most of the water ended up dribbling out the side of my mouth.

Despite the unsightly state, Avon lowered himself fully to a seated position and rubbed my back soothingly. Underneath the nausea, I felt a burst of gratitude. We stayed like that on the floor for a few moments before Avon stood.

I wanted to blame it partially on the alcohol, but in the end, I was simply too tired.

“I love him so much, Avon,” I whispered, throat burning, tears welling up in my eyes. “I know he doesn't, but I just can't stop. Will I feel like this forever?”

Avon took a sharp breath, silence filling the tiny room, door shut behind him. He did not need to ask who I was talking about. The Alpha simply pulled me close, drawing soothing strokes over my back.

“Come on…”

After that, everything was a blur.

***

I woke up to a crippling crick in my neck. With a groan, I lifted my head gingerly from where my cheek was plastered against my arm. Blinking against the bright light flooding the room, I looked around, unsure of the location. Trying to sit up, I winced noticing the sudden weight on my arm only to find myself staring at a familiar face. Avon.

Instinctively, I jerked back, only to be abruptly halted by a death grip on my arm. Piece by piece, my head was flooded with memories from the previous night. Why did I drink so much?

I gave an experimental tug, trying to determine the best way to untangle myself without waking Avon, but my arm refused to budge. I pulled a little harder, and Avon finally shifted and let out an unhappy little whine.

I stilled, sagging back. For a moment I wondered what it might be like to fall in love with Avon instead. Everything would be so much easier. I imagined going on dates, talking and laughing and uncovering each other's histories, sharing hopes and fears and dreams.

But even as the images took shape within my mind, they dissolved, muddled by a prickling sense of wrongness. The future didn’t feel like it belonged to me, and when I tried to imagine, I couldn’t bridge the gap, it did not feel right.

“Emma?” A voice interrupted my thoughts.

I blinked, abruptly pulling my arm away and sat up. “I need to go.”

***