Chapter 45

The day went by uneventfully.

Elias had gone back to his town as he had left business unattended.

It kind of made me wonder. Why would he leave his business to come visit me?

I thought back to all the encounters we had over the past months to make him want to help me. None came to mind.

The dog came to sit at my side. Looking at me like I was a foreign being.

“Hi”

The dog walked away, ignoring me like i didn’t exist “Fine, i didn’t want to talk to you anyways!”

I sighed hitting my back on the pillow.

I looked through the things Elias had given me. I was to start work as a cleaner in his Leeds branch next tomorrow. It had all the things I would need. I picked up the uniform looking at it with a sense of pride.

I was going to be working independently, away from Ben.

A small note book fell from the folded cloth.

My journal

It read. There was a little note attached to the book.

To write the thoughts you can’t tell anyone.

Elias

I smiled.

It was the most thoughtful gift I had ever received. I moved my hands along the front cover. Taking in the feeling of the book.

My phone rang, snapping me out of whatever day dream I was having.

“hi?” I picked not even checking who it was.

“you didn’t bail on me did ya?” my dad said jokingly.

“oh my, I am so sorry. I kind of forgot, I just...” he cut me off with his laugh. Its fine, I was just messing with you”

There was an awkward pause. “you know, if you’re up for it, I would love to spend the day with you”

“are you sure? You know we can always reschedule, right?”

“No its fine, we can go today, I’m not exactly doing anything right now.

**

We met up at the spot we had agreed on.

He looked like he hadn’t gotten a wink of sleep in the past days.

“hi” I said going in to give him a hug.

“Hey kiddo” he forced a smile though I could see through it. I noticed the sleep bags under his eyes. he looked a few months older than the last time I saw him, which wasn't very long

“are you okay?”

“yeah I’m awesome, why do you ask?” I just shrugged and decided not to pry. He was going to tell me if he felt comfortable enough to tell me. Its not like we were well accustomed to each other to want to ask personal questions like that.

We continued the hike with mostly silence on his part with a bit of sighing here and there.

I had to bite my lips multiple times to keep myself from asking what the matter was.

“Allison?” he called me

i sighed in relief because I didn’t want to be put in the situation of having to pry what was wrong with him out of him. That would have seemed a little more personal and I didn’t know how well he would have taken it in his current state.

“yes?” I stopped walking, looking at him expectantly.

“I’m sorry.” I looked at him. Waiting for the other part of the conversation “I know your mother was not the most easy person to live with. I wish I had known sooner, the guilt, its something I would never be able to get over.”

“I don’t understand, where is all those coming from?”

He had apologised for this before and we had established that I had forgiven him. So I couldn’t quite understand where all this was coming from.

“Your mum, she contacted me earlier in the week” he moved to say something more but he sighed.

“You know, deep down, I think in her own twisted way, she still cared for you, or else she would have given you up for adoption or worse just thrown you out”

I looked at him, trying to see what he was getting to.

“you’re really scaring me”

“I think you should meet your mum” I looked at him perplexed.

“you remember what she did to you right?” he nodded. “do you know how she treated me?” he sighed again.

“Allison, I think you might regret not talking to her.” I snorted.

I highly doubt that.

“ I would rather regret than come in close contact with anyone of them, ever again.”

“Ally...” he pleaded, sounding just as tired as he looked

“no! My whole world seems to be going crazy recently and I am not about to add anymore to it. Right now, I’m trying to figure out why the man I love is treating me this way. I’m trying to figure out why nothing works my way! Have you seen my scars?” I was breathing heavily at this point. He didn’t say anything.

“I think I should remind you, since you seem to not remember the scars you saw the first time we met.”

I moved to roll up the sleeves I was wearing but he stopped me.

“I saw them perfectly that day.” He looked tired.

“please just do this” I shook my head no.

There was no way I was going to talk about this anymore if he wanted to talk about my past like it was nothing. Then fine.

“It’s new years eve in a couple of days, would you at least come stay with me? For dinner eith my family”

I Scoffed

“Is this a place where you call her because if you do, I swear it.”

He shook his head no. “ not at all. My kids just wanted to meet their big sister and since you didn’t get a Christmas dinner” I pressed down the feeling I felt when he talked about his family. It wasn’t his fault.

But I couldn’t help the fact that they got to experience a fatherly and I am in no doubt loving one. In their life, and I was made to live in constant fear wondering when was the next moment my mother would snap and beat me to the point where I would leave another painful car behind on my body.

“Fine.” The concept of Christmas Dinner was foreign to me, while my mother hosted them, I was made to serve at the events leaving me dreading it each and every year

“Fine, I would love to come” for some reason, I couldn’t shake the fact that it was going to be an awful idea to come. But I was excited of the fact that for once I was going to be included in a family event.