Chapter 41

The next day wasn’t any better in terms of my anxiety, I stared at my phone all day waiting for his call. Elias said he was busy yesterday so he couldn’t answer but today? He had to be free. For my mental health he had to.

I couldn’t think of the possibility of him leaving me after what we shared. Especially not after that moment.

I tried to take my mind off of it by contacting Tobias.

“Hey what’s up” I opened my mouth ready to respond. Hoping to find a distraction even for a moment from all the mess I had found myself in. “girl, look. I’m at work and my boss is being an asshole, how about I call you later?” he didn’t wait for me to say anything, he didn’t even check to see if I was alive, he ended the call immediately

I sighed. I couldn’t get offended at him, he was at work. Something I should have been doing if Ben wasn’t so against the idea.

**flashback*

“please, i need this. I can’t be overly dependent on you every single time” I begged him coming out of the room where we were cuddled in, following close behind me.

“Why do you want to be independent so bad!!! You want to leave me, is that it? Am I not enough to take care of you?!” He was seething at this point. He looked like he was ready to completely loose it.

“Ben, you aren’t understanding what I am saying” I tried to be level headed even though I was pissed at this point. “All I’m saying is...”

“you don’t love me do you? You don’t care about me and now you want to leave, just like Emily. You were there. You saw what she did, how she left me, and now you want to leave me to!”

“Ben, don’t be ridiculous” I looked at him perplexed. There was no way he could have been serious at that moment.

He scoffed, rolling his eyes, “I guess my feelings are ridiculous,” he said moving from me. It was obvious he was trying to get as much space from me as possible.

“You know what, fine. If you don’t want me to work then it’s fine. I just didn’t want to seem like a burden to you” I mumbled the last part. That seemed to have softened him up a bit.

“oh darling” he pulled me to his lap, petting my hair in an attempt to calm me down, although it was to calm himself more than it was to calm me. “You never need to work when I’m around. I would work my ass off to make you leave the life that you desire.”

I wanted to work, that was what i desired. But i knew that’s what he wanted, so I kept quiet.

**

In an angry moment, I cleared everything that was on the surface of the kitchen counter causing them to shatter

I was cranky. My back hurt from the position I slept in, in the kitchen, curled in a spot, my eyes felt like sand because of the multiple times I cried through the night. And all In all, I was tired. Mentally and physically.

“Ma, would you like anything to watch? It’s almost breakfast,” the maid, who I have learnt her name to be Marie said, she looked apprehensive, ready to bolt at the first sight of danger, the danger being my change of mood and whatnot.

I looked at her from where I sat, images of the time I saw her with Arnold crossed my mind. I was bitter.

“vodka, or anything strong in there”

“Ma?” she looked unsure, not knowing what to do

“Allison, please call me Allison” I practically begged on my knees.

She nodded, sensing that I needed this drink far more than she could tell so she said nothing more and brought me a bottle a glass.

Grey goose the bottle read boldly. “fancy” I dropped the cup, drinking straight from the bottle. There was no need using a cup when I intended to finish it.

I took a swing, letting the liquid burn my throat. I wasn’t by any means a drinker so I did not know how to handle the alcohol, but I didn’t mind at the moment.

I cried letting out every dam. Emotion I felt. Marie left somewhere in my mood shift, giving me the space I needed....

Some where in my drinking, I had passed out. I woke up to someone picking me up from the floor like I weighed nothing.

I clutched the now empty bottle tight, feeling the side of my cloth from which I laid on wet and the stench of alcohol strong in the air.

Was it me? Was the alcohol smell coming from me?

I heard a deep vibrating sound from beside me but I couldn’t place what the person was vibrating “my mouth is bitter, give me sweet red wine.” I had said but my voice came out just in a slur.

“I’m sorry for coming late Ally” he said , this time, much clearer than the first time she spoke,

“Where have you been?” I said but again, it came out in a slur.

“I am very sorry” he said a soft voice i was not familiar with.