Chapter 34

Ben’s p.o.v.

“Emily” i whispered looking at her look at me with something in her eyes.

“Yes?” she said know a low sultry voice. She came close to me, sitting on my lap.

“you shouldn’t be this close to me” I had felt something shift in the air. It was tense, during me to touch it, like a moth to a flame, I couldn’t describe the feeling.

“Close to you how?” she said, her breast were in my face, suffocating me but in a nice way.

“Allison” I muttered trying to pull away from her. I couldn’t do this to her. “No” I shrugged her off, causing her to fall off my lap. “I can’t do this to her.”

“Oh please, does she satisfy you like I do?” she taunted, looking at me with those eyes that made me loose my mind. “I love you Ben, don’t throw that away.” She traced her fingers along my face.

I scoffed at the words she said. “you were the first person to throw what we had away, and honestly I don’t love you anymore.” I moved to create space between us.

I needed it, for my sanity.

“Really?” she sounded amused. She came from behind me, wrapping her hands around my head.

“You don’t love me anymore? Or you don’t want to love me anymore” i was stunned for a moment, which shouldn’t have been.

I was meant to deny my love for her, not having second thoughts about it. “I love Allison.” I said instead.

“That’s not the question Ben” she came around to face my front. “Do you not love me? Or don’t want to love me anymore.” I opened my mouth to speak. I had hesitated long enough, I was immediately cut off with lips on my mouth “use this to think about it, I’ll leave you to it”

I was too stunned to speak. She kissed me. Feelings I didn’t know still existed started to resurface “I love you Ben, I was scared of commitment and that was why I broke us up, but I still love you”

Hearing those words were like cold water in heat, refreshing but at the same time like a fire chasing me away

No, it couldn’t be. I was over it. I was in love with someone else, I was in love with Allison, I was sure of it.

I sat, not moving, I couldn’t move. My mind was ringing, going a mile per minute. I was irritated thinking that her confession even made me to feel this way. I was not meant to be moved.

It was an hour, maybe four, but Allison came strolling into the house with a smile on her face.

It irritated me, why did she get to be happy, why did she get to be at peace. Why did she get to be sure of her emotions?

“You’re back” I said looking at her with annoyance.

“Yeah. It was a beautiful escape I didn’t know I needed.” She sighed looking into a distance with content eyes.

“you’re cheating on me aren’t you?, you have feelings for someone else.” She looked startled, not expecting me to say something like that.

I knew she was innocent, but I wanted someone to project my feelings on, and she was the first person I could think of. It was a shitty move, but that was the only way to escape what I was feeling inside.

“Ben!” she called looking at me, not believing her ears.

“Oh please,” I rolled my eyes. “you think I don’t notice? You barely spend anytime home, you come back happier. You think you’d be able to leave me? You’re nothing without me, and you know that.” I saw her face twist at that. That was a shirty thing to say and i knew that, I had gone to far.

She moved to her room, the guest room, not the one that Emily had been saying.

“Allison” I pleaded, wanting to take back the words I said but she wasn’t listening, she went inside, slamming the door firmly behind her.

In frustration, I growled out, going to the nearest surface which was the kitchen surface and violently cleared everything from the kitchen top.

I watched in satisfaction as the plates on the surface broke, the stainless cups made clanging sounds on the floor.

I had definitely fucked up.

Sometime later, Elias came back, today was the last day of his stay here since he was done with his business trip here.

“ what’s up” I greeted in a low voice.

“you looking down, what’s the reason?” he looked genuinely concerned for me.

“I fucked up bro” I sighed, rubbing my hands through my hair and messing it up a bit.

“you always fuck up” he tried to joke, even laughing a bit as he said it. “what did you do this time?”

I shook my head. We might have been close in the past but not after....

I looked at my legs

My insecurity had gotten the best of me, yet again.

“ don’t worry about it. Its just something I have to get used to” I smiled.

He returned the smile patting me on the back. “it’s cool bro”

My thoughts were filled with Allison. I knew there was no way she was going to forgive me that easily.

**

Allison’s p.o.v

I was crushed. How could he even think such? I loved him for him to even think other wise was maddening, but someway, I could not ignore the little choice in my head that told me that he was not completely wrong.

Three days. It’s been three days since I met Tobias and granted we had a lot of things together but that was where it ended. There was no romantic relationship, or at least I think there wasn’t.

I stayed back down, sitting, constrained to a particular place and cried till my throat hurt

I was pulled up from my tearful moment by a knock on the door.

I knew it wasn’t Ben. Too much time had passed for him to come and check up on me now.

Emily, my mind had thought about her for a moment. The thought of her seeing me in this state made want to drive a knife to my throat.

Another knock came, more harsher than the first. There was no way it could be Emily.

I opened the door slowly, afraid of coming in contact with Ben , but I knew was inevitable.

I opened the door, shocked to see who was standing there.

“Elias...” I wiped my eyes quickly, not wanting him to see the tears that had dropped.

“Here” he gave me a tissue.

“thanks”

“you cried yesterday too” I didn’t say anything, there was no need to affirm or deny anything. He already knew about it. “Look, I know we aren’t that close but I hope that you can open up whenever you want to talk about it.

I looked at him, still in shock on why he was in front of me.

“do you....” he scratched his head awkwardly. “Do you want to talk about it?” I could tell that he meant it, even if it took him a lot.

“it’s fine” I shook my head.

“Okay, I’ll see you around then, bye.”

I watched him retreat back into his room, with the tissue in my hand. He really was nice under all that mean bone.

“Ally?”. The man I entered the room trying to avoid, suddenly was in front of me, causing me to go cold.