Chapter 200 Moving on - Chrystal

Chapter 200 Moving on - Chrystal
I clutch Monet's hand in mine, my skin clammy from nerves and anxiety.
"James has decided to take a plea deal."The district attorney informs us."He will be pleading guilty to all charges, so there will be no trial, just a sentencing."
"So what now?"Monet wants to know."That's just it, it's over?"
We have been preparing to go to trial, countless meetings with the DA's office over the last few months. I thought I wasn't go to get through it all, my parents worried that I might break under the pressure, but the girl holding my hand has helped to keep me standing.
I was so ashamed, I felt so guilty for not pressing charges against James when I found out what he did to me. If I had pressed charges, he wouldn't have kidnapped her, and maybe Cole wouldn't have left.
She's been telling me so many times that it's not my fault, and I've been going to therapy, working on myself and I know it's not. But there's still a part of me that thinks it is.
Finding out I was raped by another guy, one of James's friends from his hometown that came over for Thanksgiving, has been a battle I have been fighting within myself. In my life I have never felt so dirty, and looking people in the eye wondering if they know, has been excruciating. The only good thing is that I didn't end up having any sexually transmitted diseases, because that would have been another punishment.
I often wonder why me? What was it about me that James thought he could do this to?
Only to find out, it wasnt just me. He did it to his high school girlfriend who just never had any proof like me.
Forgiving myself for being a victim has been the hardest of it all, and I'm still working on it.
"You will have a chance to give a victim's statement before the judge gives the sentencing. We will send you the date."The man smiles at us."This is a good thing for the two of you. I would advise you to give your victims' statements, as that usually gives the judge a good idea to what the damage was that he did to you."
We are both quiet when we walk out of the office, our hands still interlinked.
"How are you feeling?"I ask Monet.
She sighs deeply."I don't know. Relieved? It gives me some satisfaction that he admits to guilt. I just want to put this behind me."
That's easier said than done. How do I put something like this behind me? It was all over the news, about the football player and what he did. Our names were never mentioned, because we didn't want it to be public, but I know that it was me. I look in the mirror every single day and know that I was raped, not just by someone who I trusted, but by another person too. It makes me want to wrap myself in a cocoon and never go to the outside world again.
But my friends won't let me.
Friends.
Real ones, who are waiting outside the building for me and Monet.
Amy rushes over to us and hugs me immediately, wiping the hair from my forehead."Are you okay? What did they say?"
Luke pats me on the back like a big brother, and I don't know why these people even bother with me, but I'll take it. I'll wear the outfits Amy makes us wear now that it's football season again, I'll take the scrutiny I've been receiving online because I'm always seen with Antoine.
Antoine, who is standing to the side with his hands in his pockets, waiting for me. He's always waiting for me, and even though there has been a lot of speculation about our relationship online, people calling me a cleat chaser, and an opportunist, he doesn't care about any of it.
He's always there, always arranging things for us to do alone, and always asking if it's okay with me.
"Wanna drive back with me?"He asks softly.
"Sure."
He's become my best friend. Just last week I was feeling under the weather, and he actually called his mother to send him the recipe of her chicken noodle soup and made it for me, along with vitamins and meds.
I don't know why he kept showing up for me, but he's become an integral part of this new person I'm becoming.
We say goodbye to our friends,and just like always, he holds the door open, and I would love to meet his parents one day and tell them what a great human being they raised.
"Is it okay if we stop at the lake before I take you back to your dorm?" He asks.
Always asking, always making sure that I consent to whatever we're doing.
"Yeah."
We drive in silence to the lake, the music on the radio playing softly in the background. This is the thing between us, we don't have to talk. In fact, we love sitting in silence, watching a movie, listening to music in his car. Sometimes we argue over stupid stuff, like where we are going to eat, and about football. Then there are times he makes me laugh until my stomach hurts, showing me his legendary dance moves.
Every single second I spend with him, I've been loving. And never has he tried to kiss me, or touch me. To be honest, I don't know how I feel about that. Does he not like me like that?
He parks the car in front of the lake, the sun shining on the water, and he turns to me, his usually jolly expression looking serious .
"What's up?"I'm even scared to ask.
"There's something I have to tell you, and you're probably going to hate me for it."
I knew this friendship was too good to be true. He probably likes a girl or something, and can't hang out with me anymore.
"It was me who sent that video to the dean."
That was the last words I expected coming from his mouth, and I freeze in shock and embarressment. He saw me at my worst.
"I didn't think you were ready for me to tell you that. Monet had a suspicion about James,and she forgot about a camera that she set up to look at her bed only."He continues. "You should take that up with her, but she was worried about you, and went through the recorded footage and found that."
I always wondered why the recording was on her bed and not mine, and I honestly thought it was James who recorded it. I don't even think I'm mad at her for not telling me, they saved me from James.
"I hate that you saw me like that."I tell Antoine honestly.
"It doesn't make me think of you any differently."His voice softens, and he leans over me to take my cheek into his hand. "I'm telling you,because I don't want any secrets between us, because I like you.Like, really like you."
And then he does something I've been waiting for him to do for months.
He kisses me.