Chapter 10- The loft

It's been two weeks since I told Adam about Jeremy, it has helped our relationship become closer and it all seems more real. I’ve also been working at Stage Masters for two weeks now. It's going great, the people are nice, and the regulars know me by name now. It’s a very calm time of day and it feels good to dance freely, make up my own routines. Adam hates it, now that he knows I don’t technically have to work he is constantly asking me to quit. His job is going good to nothing special but making him money. We moved into the loft and have slowly been unpacking our stuff, trying to figure out what goes where. We just have a few of my boxes left in the spare room to unpack, but I know most of what’s in there is stuff from Jeremy's and I’m not sure what to do with it. Adam said I could put up whatever I want from my previous life but I’m not sure I want to answer the questions our friends will ask. Sitting in the spare room staring at the boxes debating if I will open them now before Adam gets home. I pick up that first box and just open it. It's all Jeremy's trophies. I look through them all. As I look at them, I remember Jeremy telling me how he kept them all so one day he could show our kids. My eyes start to water as I come to realize he will never be able to do that. I pick out his team Canada one from baseball, his t-ball one and one of his hockey ones. We have a section on the wall of shelves where we have a few trophies already. I go out of the spare room and place the 3 trophies with the others. As I walk back to the spare room, I pick up my phone, text Denise Jeremy’s mom.

Me: Hey Denise, I’m going through boxes and have some of Jeremy’s stuff. If there are items I do not want, do you want it?

I put all the trophies back in the box and set it aside. I pick up the next box, it’s a bunch of Jeremy’s Steelers stuff, again I pull everything out of the box and separate it, things to keep, donate, give to Ken. The things I decide to keep are some of Jeremy’s shirts and a few memorabilia items that I know meant something to Jeremy, like his Jerome Bettis Jersey. I put them in a box and put them in the closet. I pack up the stuff set aside for Ken, which are mainly shirts and jerseys, in the same box as the trophies. The donate pile I leave on the bed as I might have more stuff to add to that pile. The next box is Jeremy's clothes, I look through it and they still smell like him. I pick a few to keep and wear in his memory. I move the box over to the donate section on the bed. Lastly, a box of all our wedding stuff, my dress, our wedding album, shells from our ceremony, our wedding certificate, vows, all of it. As I relive these memories the tears roll down my face. Adam has come home from work; he walks in the spare room, looks at me and right away asks.

“Babe, are you okay? What’s Wrong?”

“Sorry I was just going through the last of the boxes, I guess I saved the best but worst for last, do you want to see?” I ask him.

“Sure, what’s in the box?” he says.

“It’s my wedding stuff from Jeremy, are you sure you want to see it?” I double-check. Adam doesn’t skip a beat with his answer, “Molly this was a part of your life I want to see.”

While Adam is looking at the photos I can’t help but reminisce about that day, how nervous I was to walk down the aisle, how I felt when I said our vows. I forgot everyone was there. About the reception and the crazy dance offs that went down between different people. Finally, at the end of the night I was ready to go to an after party, but Jeremy convinced me to go home instead and it was definitely worth it. I thought by talking about this Adam would act weird, but he doesn’t, he has been laughing along with me truly enjoying my stories. I hold my dress up to my body, looking down at it I can’t help but think what I might wear if Adam and I get married.

“When we get married, I want a lace dress, with a floral pattern on it and this flower power feel. But also, I love the islands and destination weddings, and I want to write our own vows.” I talk out loud as I think about it. Adam looks at me surprised.

“Our wedding? When are we getting married?” He jokes.

“Whenever you decide to ask me for real.” I sassily reply.

“Is that so, well I guess I better get on that.” I just smile at him, I fold up the dress, pack up everything. Adam takes a picture of Jeremy and I on our wedding day before I can put it in the box, he leaves the spare room then walks into our room, and comes back empty handed. I scrunch my eyebrows as I ask.

“What did you do?”

“I just put that where it deserves to be.” He smiles.

“You’re amazing,” I tell him. But like all guys he is sidetracked.

“Hey, what are you doing with all this Steelers stuff?”

“I went through it all and it's stuff I don’t want, why?” I ask back.

“Would it be weird if I gave it to my dad?” Adam answers with a question.

“No, that's fine I was going to give it to goodwill, but I think it would be awesome to keep it in the family. Thanks.” I reply. We pack it in a box and label it. I label the box for Ken and Denise and set it aside. I put the other boxes in the closet, go to the bathroom, wash my face, take a deep breath and head back to Adam to start dinner.

This is going to be the longest day ever. Now that we’re all moved into the loft we decide to throw a housewarming party. We don’t want to invite a ton of people for two reasons, one our loft isn’t huge and two a lot of friends went home for the summer.

“So, Adam, who exactly are we inviting? The loft isn’t huge.” I ask.

“I don’t know what you think like 10 people?” Adam suggests, “Sure, can we be clear on who they are, so we don’t each invite 10 people.” We sit down at the bar and make a list Lacey (My Bestie of course) Steve (Adam’s friend from the basketball team) Justin (Adam’s friend from the basketball team) Stacey (My friend from work) Jessica (Mutual friend of Lacey’s) Caitlin (Mutual friend of Lacey’s) Mike (Adam’s old roommate) Ryan (Adam’s old roommate) Shannon (My friend from work)

We can’t decide on a 10th person but figure it’s no big deal someone might bring their boyfriend or girlfriend so we just leave it. We all typically hang out together anyways so it should be fun. Everyone is due to arrive after 5 pm. I am lying in bed at 7am, making a mental list of everything I need to do today. Make sure the spare bed is made, Our room is clean, Bathroom is clean, Tidy up, put everything away, Clean kitchen, Make snacks, Make a fun drink, Make my bed, Hide laundry, I can’t sleep. I get up and decide to go for a run, Adam is still sleeping. I quietly leave our room, change and head out, as I am running, I think about where I was a year ago and how quickly life can change if you let it. I also start to think about my past, even before Jeremy. I start feeling like there is a part of my life Adam still doesn’t know about. Also, I don’t know much about Adam’s life back home with friends. I know about his family, what sports he played, why he dances but he’s never really talked about his high school life. After all this thinking I am already back at home. I head up to our loft, Adam is just waking up.

“Morning,” I say.

“Morning, did you go out?” Adam asks.

“Yeah, I went for a run,” I answer.

“Why didn’t you wake me? I would have gone with you.” I pouted.

“You looked too peaceful and I just had to do something to kill time. But rise and shine we have work to do.” I shout.

“Work? Like what?” Adam complains.

“Cleaning, shopping, cooking, take your pick.” I shot a look at him, “Umm, shopping I guess.” Adam does not look impressed.

“K I’ll make you a list,” I say. Adam heads to the shower and I write him out a list of everything he needs to pick up.

The party is going awesome, it feels so much more like an adult party, we’ve just been sitting around, chatting, drinking, eating, and listening to music. It feels good to do this, as I sit here just taking it all in, I can totally see this being our life for the next few years. The people in this room feel like they could be our lifelong friends. I look over at Lacey and Steve and wonder if he will be her forever, if they’ll have a baby.

“Molly, are you okay?” Shannon asks. I shake the thoughts out of my head, time to live in the here and now.

“Yeah, I am feeling very adults tonight,” I answer. Shannon laughs.

“That’s boring, let’s stay young and fun for now.” I give her a smug little look and laugh. Stacey laughs at something Justin said and then says I’ll play.

“Play what?” I ask.

“Never have I ever.” Justin answers, “Oh, Justin that will definitely change the night, I’m in who else?” I say. Everyone says they’ll play.

“Okay, Justin you start,” Stacey suggests.

“Hmmm, never have I ever played this game.” Justin comes up with. I drink, so does Lacey, Stacey, Shannon, Steve, Justin, Jessica and Caitlin. I instantly realized Adam didn’t take a sip. I’m not the only one though, Shannon speaks out.

“Wait hold on,” She turns to her boyfriend Nolan, "you've never played this before?”

“Nope, but I’m not the only one these guys haven’t either.” Nolan gestures to Adam, Mike and Ryan, they say nothing and I smile at Adam. Shannon continues to explain the rules of the game.

“It’s no big deal it’s easy, we go around the room and we each say never have I ever whatever if you’ve done it you drink, if you haven’t you don’t drink. The thing can be about anything at all.” Stacey’s next, “Never have I ever peed in a pool” Everyone drinks, and we all laugh, Lacey’s up.

“Never have I ever skinny dipped.” Not everyone drinks, I do, Adam doesn’t, Stacey and Shannon drink, Caitlyn and Jessica don’t, Lacey, Steve, Justin and Ryan do but Nolan and Mike don’t. Now it's getting a little more interesting. I'll have to try and remember all Adam’s nerves and try to turn them to haves. It’s Steve’s turn now.

“Let’s make this game a little more fun, never have I ever given a lap dance.” I look at Adam who is watching me closely. I take a drink, smiling through my cup. Adam looks mad, I pout my lips and point at him as if to remind him it was for him. Then he smiles and laughs as he clearly just remembered. I didn't pay attention that time to who drank but I could guess. Next up Mike.

“Okay, here it goes, never have I ever got in a bar fight.” As Adam takes a drink he turns to Mike, “Gee thanks Mike.'' We all laugh, I also drink and so does Caitlin and Stacey, but none of the guys do. Still laughing, Ryan starts.

“You guys are boring, never have I ever fucked in a public place.” Ah shit, I take a drink, while Adam raises his eyebrows because it wasn’t with him. Adam does not take a drink. Neither does most of the room. Adam’s turn I’m very anxious to hear.

“Never have I ever used the opposite sex’s bathroom”

“Seriously Adam?” I rolled my eyes at him, “What?” He says, shrugging his shoulders. I shake my head as I take a huge drink. At this rate I’m going to need a new drink. I noticed all the ladies were drinking. But none of the guys drink. We all laugh. Shannon’s turn I feel like it’s going to be dirty.

“Never have I ever slept with my best friend, who I was not in a relationship with.” FUCK! Do I answer honestly? Nope I’m going to lie on this one. Ohh but Steve didn’t, yikes Lacey looks shocked. Steve is the only one who drank. Nolan looks nervous, he whispers to Shannon she laughs so this should be good.

“Never have I ever taken nudes of a friend.” Oh, I honestly haven’t done this. Stacey and Shannon both laugh and drink, I laugh because I figure they took each other. Adam takes a drink and I just look at him.

“Wait, no I was just thirsty.” He says in his defense. The guys laugh, start chirping at him. Oh, dear it’s my turn now. Racking my brain.

“Never have I ever had sex on the hood of a car.” I instantly take a drink, Lacey, Stacey, Shannon, Nolan, and Ryan all drink. I am quickly realizing I have done way more than Adam. Also, I need another drink. Jessica’s next.

“Never have I ever done drugs.” Everyone drinks, Caitlin’s turn.

“Never have I ever woken up and didn’t know where I was.” Everyone drinks again, I like ones like this. But now I am empty. I ask, “Who needs a refill for another round?” We all get drinks and start over.

“Never have I ever had sex against a washer.” Says Justin, I drink, Adam doesn’t, I feel like he is learning a lot about my past right now that I was oh so worried about this morning. I clearly was this wild child of a teenager and he was a saint.

“Never have I ever used sex toys.” Says Stacey. With blushing faces most of us drink, but not making eye contact with anyone as if we are all embarrassed.

“Never have I ever gotten kicked out of the bar.” Says Lacey. I don’t drink, but Adam does, that wasn’t with me, remember to ask for the story. Most of the guys drink.

“Never have I ever farted in an elevator.” Say Steve. The guys all drink, laugh and start talking about times they’ve done this. The girl's face turns red and looks at one another. I take a drink I’m not ashamed of, plus I used to work at a hotel, how could I not. But I feel like I should justify it to them.

“Guys I used to work in a hotel, I have no shame.” We laugh and Mike continues the game, “Never have I ever been down south.” We all drink. Ryan is up next.

“Never have I ever lost my virginity in a place other than a bedroom.” I drink, Adam doesn’t, aww that’s cute, I’m clearly a slut, Stacey Shannon, Ryan, Justin, Steve all drink, at least I’m not alone. Stacey looks at you curiously.

“What Stacey?” I ask her. She can’t help but smile, knowing damn well what’s coming next. I bring my glass up to my face to try and hide from her.

“Molly, where was it?” She asks me, “No way, you answer first Stace,” I say laughing. She looks at Shannon and nods as if to get her to answer first. And she does.

“Oh my god you guys are so lame, mine was in a pool.” Okay, so it’s not completely shameful loads of people lose it where I did. It is a little cliché but I tell them, “Fine, mine was in my car, during a bush party.” Adam looks at me surprised, hmm maybe something shouldn't be shared so openly tonight. Tomorrow he might see me in a different light. But I’m not that girl anymore, it was a long time ago. Wait, focus Molly, don’t let Stacey get away without answering.

“Stacey spill.” So she does.

“Don’t judge me,” The expression says it's not one of her finer moments. “it was in a bathroom at a party.” Poor Nolan seems so innocent too, how did Shannon and I end up with the most square guys here.?No it’s not a bad thing, we just need to break them. Nolan looks around at us, “Well, I’m not sure how to follow that one.” I jump in, “I have one, never have I ever licked food off someone.”

“Really Molly?” Adam shakes his head.

“What? Think about it? I'm sure the answer is yes.” I say. Some of us drink, but not everyone. I get up, go in the kitchen, get a bottle of tequila out. Get the lemon out, cut it up, grab the salt. Adam looks at me like I’m crazy. I just might be a little crazy tonight, but we are going to start turning these good boys into bad boys.

“Ok party people, this one is easy to change. Adam you first come here.”

I pour a shot, grab a lemon slice. Adam comes into the kitchen, puts his drink down ready to help. I giggle and shake my head while a sly smile creeps across my face. My poor innocent boy. I look at him trying to be a little more serious.

“Adam, lick my neck and pour salt on it,” I order him. The look on his face is priceless, “You want me to do what?” I hand him the salt and repeat myself. He furrows his brows in a quizzical expression but does as I ask. I tilt my head to the side to give him better access.

“Now lick off the salt, do the shot, take the lemon.” I keep my neck tilted, Adam licks off the salt, does the shot and takes the lemon from my lips then kisses me.

“Who’s next?” I announce. Adam looks at me disapprovingly, shaking his head asking.

“Others are gonna do that?” Stacey walks over determination written all over her face.

“Not like that, clear off your bar.” We move everything off the bar, laughing because I know what is coming next.

“Okay Molly take off that shirt and hop up there.” Adam stands between us with his hands up.

“Whoa whoa whoa what now?” Still laughing I do as Stacey says. She grabs the tequila bottle, pours it in my belly button, licks my chest, shakes some salt on there and puts the lemon in my lips. Turns to the house of friends and announces.

“Now for those who have never, let me show you how to do this the right way.” Stacey licks the salt off me, sucks up the tequila and grabs the lemon with a kiss. I sit up laughing and Adam comes over to us.

“Babe you want another shot?”

“Yeah, but then someone else can be the shot glass for a bit.” Adam does the shot but while taking the lemon he scoops me up off the bar. Lacey hops on the bar, Steve is right there to do the shot off her, Jessica does one too. Shannon replaces Lacey on the bar, next thing I know the tequila’s gone and all us girls are topless. I turn up the music, and our loft becomes a dance party.