Chapter 78

I feel safer than i have in months, i feel like there might be a chance for hope. But hope is a dangerous thing, and it comes with consequences. Dire consequences.

I should know, i let it consume me once.

I used to think that i was safe out there, with Derrick, but all good things end, and it ended with me tearing him apart.

I cannot allow myself to hope again, my heart and my mind cannot take the disappointment. I cannot lose myself again.

The best thing that i can do is obey. That is what i should concentrate on.

Lucy gently pulls me towards the bed, smiling as she sits us both down, “We don’t have much time.” She says, her voice lowering, “But i just wanted to let you know that you are not alone. We are watching.”

I frown, confused, “What does that mean, Lucy?” i ask.

She cannot be telling me what i think she is, no one is brave enough to go against King Mortem and his army of the undead.

According to Maric, no one fought back when the city fell, not one person, they all bowed to their new king, forsaking my father and his name. But i do not blame them, they were afraid, and so was i.

The soldiers and i were the only ones to fight the vampire’s back towards the edge of the city, but it didn’t matter. Nothing we did made a difference. The city still fell, and people still died.

No one was safe.

“Listen to me carefully, princess.” She says, keeping her voice as low as possible, “there are people in this city who have a plan, and you are a part of it. We have gotten many innocents out of the city, and we plan to do more. But we need your help.”

They managed to get people out? How?

It seems impossible. Is this a trap set by Mortem? Is he testing my loyalty to him? That has to be it. It's a trap.

I shake my head, “I am not in a position to help myself, let alone anyone else.”

“We need you.” She says, her voice more frantic than before. “We need you to be the brave woman you have always been, and we need you to join us.”

There are people fighting back, people who want to leave. How is that even possible, and how have i heard nothing about it?

I shake my head, “I can’t help you.” i say, removing my hands from hers, “I have to obey Mortem, he is my sire, he’ll know if i am lying to him.”

Lucy sighs, “Maybe one day you will change your mind.” she says, her voice louder again, “Just know that i will be here to help you if you do.”

I nod, “Ok. I'll remember.”

I clear my throat when the room goes silent, and i slowly take Lucy’s hand in mine, turning it over so i can get to her wrist. I can see the blood pumping quickly through her veins, she is nervous. And she should be, i am a new vampire, i don’t have as much control as others do.

“I have to feed from you now.” i tell her softly, “Is that ok?”

She nods her head and closes her eyes, turning away from me, “I’d ask you not to make it hurt, but i know you can’t do that.” she says with a nervous laugh, one that sounds more like a cry for help than joy.

“I’ll be as gentle as i can.” i tell her, bringing her wrist up to my mouth.

My mind lingers on the fact that there could be a resistance as i bite into her skin, blood flooding my mouth, a moan of pleasure escaping me before i can stop it. I did well to control myself for so long, especially when i can smell her blood from the other side of the room.

She tastes sweet, and the thick liquid slides down my throat in massive gulps, i know that i will have to stop soon, but a part of me doesn’t want to. A part of me a part of me wants to keep going, but i know that i can’t. I know that there will be no going back if i do.

I don’t want to become a monster, not like those who surround me. I want to be better than that. I want to still be me. If I can be. If I can hold onto my humanity a little bit longer.

I pull back, panting heavily, trying to catch my breath, I’m shaking, and my eyes feel heavy. I feel like I am about to pass out. I feel like I need more.

I need more blood.

But I will not take it from Lucy, not her, not now. I can manage on what I have taken, it’ll be hard, but I know that I can do it if I try my best.

We are all of this kingdom, and whilst it isn’t ours anymore, I will do my best to protect anyone that I can.

I will do my best to continue to be the person I always have been. Even if it means suffering in silence.

“Are you ok?” I ask her, wiping the blood from my chin.

It feels weird asking her that, especially when I am the one who is hurting her. But I have to. I cannot go against Mortem. He is my sire.

In a way, he saved me. I would be dead right now if it wasn’t for him. He knew it was against the rules and yet, he did it anyway. At great risk to himself.

Though I am certain he was never truly in danger, not from the men on his council, they just needed a reminder of who the strongest one of them was. And he gave them that.

Lucy smiles, but it’s strange, strained, “I’m fine.” She says softly, “I just need a minute.”

I help her to shuffle up the bed and I lay her down, “why don't you get some sleep? I will stay here in case you need me, but if the king calls, I will have to go.”

She nods her head and closes her eyes, “yeah I think maybe half an hour will help, then I have to go back to my room until you need me again.”

I laugh a little when I hear her first snore, she definitely needed some rest, even if it was only for a moment. Must be hard being drained all the time, I can't imagine how it feels, or how tired it makes you. The least I can do is let her sleep here for a little while. Even if it is against the rules.

I walk back into the bathroom and get undressed, calling for a servant to fill the bath for me, I may have had one last night before I went to bed, but I feel like I need one again. I feel dirty, I feel like I've done something so disgusting that no one will ever forgive me, but I also know that I had no choice. that's how I must live now, whether I like it or not.

I bathe quickly in the hot water, Knowing that the king will be coming for me soon, I can't waste his time, and he will not stand around and wait for me.

I walk back into the bedroom with the towel wrapped around me, can I get dressed in a thick red gown, The sleeves long and the neckline high, it was soft, a thick sort of cotton. it was comfortable too, and that is all I cared about. I have never been someone who cares about style fashion or the best thing to wear. I wear things because they're comfortable or practical. not because I have the money to buy whatever I want, because I don't, not anymore. what I have is what's been given to me, and I will never ask for more. not from him.

I platt my hair to one side, twisting a few flowers into the braid before I tie it at the bottom and then I look at myself in the mirror, not sure that the person staring back at me is even real.

It’s been a while since I looked like this, it’s been a while since I felt alive.

Being a vampire might not be so bad, so long as Mortem doesn’t make me kill anyone.

Maybe I can survive after all.