Chapter 39 Chapter Thirty-Nine - Jartre
From the moment I laid eyes on her, I knew I loved her. I thought I knew love with Apaki, but I couldn’t have been more wrong. What I feel for Gabriella is all-consuming. It burns me to ashes only to renew me time and time again. I would give my all for her. There never has been, nor will there ever be another for me. She is my destiny. She cleanses my past, graces my present, and paves my future. I am hers, and I think it’s time I stopped running from that.
I capture her face in my hands, staring deeply into her eyes that shine brighter than the Aurora Borealis as I crash my lips down on hers in a bruising, ardent kiss. She wraps her arms around my neck, returning my kiss with all the fervour she can muster, her sweet moans of ecstasy filling my lungs and caressing my ears. I free her face just long enough to cup her bare ass and lift her up. Without missing a beat, she wraps her legs around me, and though her hold on me is so gentle, I can tell she is holding me with all her strength, and just knowing this has me feeling more galvanised than I have in centuries.
I carry her up the stairs, my lips coaxing more kisses from her sweet, plump lips, groaning as my desire for her only grows stronger. The scent of her arousal hits me like a thunderbolt, threatening to destroy every shred of my control, but I hold steadfast. I lay her down on the bed, keeping my weight off her as her sensual fingers find their way into my hair. My hands knead and squeeze her ass, eliciting further moans from her sweet mouth. My hands glide up the planes of her torso, under her shirt as I trail kisses along her jawline and down her neck.
“Mmmm Jartre,” she moans, arching her back and pressing her exquisite breasts into my hands. “I want you,” she begs in a breathy moan. My cock hardens in my slacks, craving to be buried inside her. I press my cock against her pussy, feeling her juices soak through the fabric sending my mind into overload.
I grind my cock against her pussy, panting against her flesh as I suck her neck possessively, marking her creamy skin over and over again. I lift her shirt, exposing her sultry body to my greedy eyes and begin to feast on her breasts as if I have been deprived of them for centuries. She fists my hair, writhing beneath me, grinding her pussy against my cock driving me to the brink of insanity.
I fist her breasts in my hands, massaging them possessively, pinching her pebbled nipples between my fingers as I kiss down her luscious body, teasing her flesh with my tongue. I move lower, my nose skimming against the neat little landing strip of pubic hair guiding me perfectly to my destination. I blow gently against her glistening folds and watch the way her hungry pussy visibly pulsates, begging to devour my cock. She lets out a whimper of pleasure and gasps as my tongue slowly licks up the juices that are dripping down to her ass.
I groan in ecstasy as the taste of her coats my tongue. “Nothing tastes as good as you,” I say reverently as I go in for another taste.
She places her hands on my shoulders, “S-s-stop,” she stammers.
I freeze, staring up at her, suddenly terrified I’ve done something wrong. Was I too rough? Did I use more force than I intended? My mind starts to race in a panic of what I’ve done wrong. I must have, why else would she tell me to stop?
Gabriella catches her breath and slowly sits up, trying to gain some composure. “I don’t… want you to do that,” she says between breaths.
I frown in confusion. “You don’t like me going down on you?” I slowly sit up on my knees.
“I do. If it was an Olympic sport you’d be bringing home the gold.”
I chuckle, relaxing a little. “Good to know. So, what’s the problem?” I ask, reaching out and cupping her cheek in my hand.
“I can accept if you’re not ready for sex but… why won’t you let me touch you? You give me all this pleasure, but you won’t let me do the same for you. Why?” Her tone is sad, and I can see worry and embarrassment in her eyes.
I stare at her, blinking, words becoming as elusive as the dodo. So, I didn’t hurt her. That’s a fucking relief, but I have to say, I didn’t see this coming. She’s upset because I won’t let her please me? I…I don’t know what to say.
“You think I don’t want you to touch me?” I gently ask, brushing my thumb against her cheek to soothe and calm her nerves.
“I’ve tried, but you won’t let me. Every time I try you distract me with orgasms,” she pouts, and I have to try not to laugh at how adorable she looks right now.
“You noticed that huh.”
“You really need to stop underestimating me, Jartre. It’s getting real damn old. I love that you want to please me, but not being able to touch you that way…how would you feel if you couldn’t touch me?”
I frown, “I would hate that. I do hate that. I hate not being near you and being unable to touch you,” I admit.
“So, can you understand how it feels when you don’t let me get close to you that way?” She sits up on her knees, pulling her shirt down, depriving me of my favourite view But I suppose this isn’t a naked conversation.
I cup her face looking deep in her eyes, “I have never wanted someone to touch me as much as I crave it from you. I crave you so much I can’t even think straight.”
A deep frown takes over her features, “But then…”
I sigh. “I’m scared I won’t be able to stop myself.”
“Oh. Um, do Gods have like some kind of no sex before marriage rule?”
I snort with laughter, shaking my head in amusement, “Nothing like that. It’s about our bond.”
“What about it?”
I run my fingers through my hair and think how best to explain this. “Remember how I said, when our bond is complete we could feel each other’s pain and read each other’s thoughts?” She nods. “Well, sex unifies souls. Once we have sex, we’d be one step closer to being fully bonded. Our bond would start to strengthen, you’d start to feel my emotions and I would yours. But it’s only through a very intense marking process that the bond is complete.”
Her brows furrow as she carefully takes in what I’m saying. “So, you don’t want to have sex because you don’t want to be bonded to me?”
“Yes. Wait, no! No, no. That’s not what I’m saying,” I quickly backtrack, catching the direction her thoughts are going.
“Sure sounds that way to me. Is this because I’m human?”
“Yes, but it’s not what you’re thinking,” I say, starting to panic. Billions of years old and I feel like some teenage novice blowing it with his first girlfriend. How the fuck have I lived so long?
“I think maybe you should go,” she whispers, her body language screaming insecurity like she’s a second away from crawling up into a ball.
“No, I’m not going, please just let me explain.” I grab her hands and hold them in mine, imploring her to listen. “Gabriella, I have seen firsthand the effects a semi-completed bond with a God can have. I watched a lesser being nearly die from the pain her animai was enduring. He could handle it because he was a God. For him the pain was nothing, but for her, it was enough to nearly end her life. I don’t say this to hurt you or offend you, but yes, this is because you’re human. She was supernatural and a thousand times stronger than you, but still, that pain was too much for her body to endure. I’m terrified of what could happen to you if something were to happen to me. Even if another God was just mucking around, what might feel like a light punch to me, might be enough to nearly kill you and that fucking terrifies me, Gabriella,” I say in despair.
Slowly she shuffles forward, her face calmer as she listens carefully. “Why didn’t you just tell me all this in the first place?”
“I didn’t want to frighten you. I want you more than anything in this world, and nothing would make me happier than to give myself to you, but I’d rather go a lifetime of blue balls than risk you getting hurt.”
She sighs deeply. “Jartre, I think it’s very sweet that you care about me enough that you want to protect me, but you have to stop making decisions about my life without me. This is my body we’re talking about, if anyone gets to decide what risks are going to be taken with it, it’s going to be me. You can’t keep making decisions for the both of us without consulting me, it’s not okay.”
Now it’s my turn to sigh. “You’re right. As usual. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you and more than that, I’m sorry I made you feel like I don’t want you. Although I do genuinely enjoy pleasing you, please believe me when I say, I want you more than you could possibly imagine.” I cup her face and place a tender kiss on her forehead.
“I want you, Jartre and I’m not afraid. You can’t keep living in fear either. We were brought together for a reason. I don’t care about the past, we can make the future what we want it, but you have to be willing. If you still want to wait, I respect your choice, I’d just prefer us both on the same page.”
I observe her carefully, thinking over her words. She’s right again. I am still letting fear guide my actions. I want her more than I’ve ever wanted anything. I want to be bound to her completely, even though I’m not entirely sure how that works. I have a beautiful woman who puts every Goddess to shame, kneeling before me, begging me to take her and my only reason for not going for it is because of some hypothetical scenario? Yildiz got hurt because I had a vendetta and Oshmin was a moron, but no other God is as deranged as me. They would never put Gabriella at risk. They would never do the despicable things I did. Someone once said we tend to see in others that which we hate in ourselves. I fear people doing to Gabriella what I have done to them, and I know I deserve all manner of torment, but she doesn’t. I don’t want her to suffer because of me, but now I’ve got a case of self-fulfilling prophecy. My lack of action is hurting her regardless.
How many men, human or otherwise, have a woman who yearns to please them and turns it down? I truly have lost my fucking mind. Ezillus would never let me hear the end of it if I told them, which is why I will never utter this to another living entity.
“I should have said something. Explained all the risks. This is as much your life as it is mine, you deserve to have all the facts.”
She nods. “Good, I’m glad you finally realise that.”
“I do,” I say, softly kissing her cheeks, “And so, if you’ll let me, I would love nothing more than to make love with you,” I breathe out, capturing her lips in a slow, passionate kiss.
Whatever her answer, I’ll respect it. But from now on, we make those choices together. She’s my animai and it’s time I started treating her like it.