A Queen Among Blood: Chapter Fifty-Nine
A Queen Among Blood: Chapter Fifty-Nine
OSHMIN POV
As I stand at the front steps of the 2.5-acre compound, I continue to debate whether or not to go through with this. Habit tells me to turn around and never return, but a small voice in my mind – that these days has begun to sound like Yildiz – is telling me to man up and do what I came here to do.
Being the bigger person has to be one of the most soul-sucking, mentally taxing things a person can do. You have to squash down every impulse, every reflex, every desire, all in the hopes that in doing so, you can resolve a conflict. And it’s not as though you do it because you are trying to help the person you’re in conflict with, you just hope that this will be a hail Mary and the shit might finally stop.
One step at a time I walk up the steps to the front door and knock ever so gently on the double doors. Within moments the door opens, and I’m once again met by the face of someone who I have come to hate with a passion, but I have to ignore those feelings today.
“What the fuck are you doing here?” Jartre asks in surprise. Possibly too surprised to be pissed off.
“We need to talk.”
“Surprised you bothered to use the door,” he snorts walking back into the mansion but leaving the door wide open for me.
I step into the entryway to be greeted by a 38-foot diameter rotunda flanked by two massive, curved staircases. Just standing here I can see the 20-foot-high curved glass windows, the wet bar to the right, the rare Schimmel Pegasus piano to the left, and the fibre optic starlit mural on the ceiling of the night sky. I’m probably the least opulent God. Merlos is the worst, but Jartre is coming in at a close second. Jartre’s home is mostly in shades of white, grey, and greyish blues. Suits him rather well when I think about it.
“Are you going to speak or just stand in the entryway like an eyesore?” he asks in a bored tone as he walks around to the bar and begins making himself a drink.
I walk further in and resist the urge to make a snide comment. “I want us to call a truce.”
“Not interested.”
I sigh, “Jartre, you need to find a way to move on. This rage that lives inside you will only continue to get worse, and then we’ll have another Azadou situation on our hands.”
“I won’t be making that mistake again, besides, you’re the last person who should be giving advice; I’m like this because of you,” he spits, but his words don’t have their usual venom.
“Apaki betrayed you. She betrayed both of us, but I’ll never pretend it was the same thing. You were in love with her, and if you felt anything like what I feel for Yildiz then I know if that happened to me I’d be begging for death. How long are you going to let her ruin you? It’s ruined us both, and I don’t want to fight with you anymore. I’m beyond fucking tired of it,” I say with genuine exhaustion.
He's silent as he mixes his drink. “I moved the stars for her. Created entire constellations. I still see them out there taunting me, and yet I just don’t have the heart to destroy them,” he says quietly. I think this has to be the first time he’s spoken to me in thousands of years without mocking me or threatening me.
“We were friends once,” I remind him.
He snorts, “You sure about that?” he says as he takes a sip of his drink. He is really making this fucking hard.
“Well, we sure as shit weren’t mortal enemies. You cursed me, you punished me and I’ve learned to live with my curse. Can you learn to live with yours?” I ask pointedly.
He stares at me as if my words have short-circuited his brain. “How exactly am I cursed?”
“You cling to the rage because it’s easier than facing the heartbreak and I get it. I want to run from my own heartbreak, but I can’t because I have someone else to think about now.” I walk over and rest my hands on the bar top and let out a deep sigh, “I’m not asking you to remove my curse. I’ll continue to live with it, and maybe one day when you’ve finally come to terms with this shit, you’ll find it in your heart to do the right thing. But until that day comes, I am asking for a truce. I will stay out of your life, and you stay out of mine,” I say with a strong voice as I lock eyes with him.
We slip into silence as he deliberates over what I’ve said and I just hope, for once, he agrees. “Fine. You can have your truce,” he says as he lazily extends his hand to me.
I manage to keep my face impassive as I reach out and shake his hand, “Thank you. No one else needs to suffer for our mistakes.”
“I hope you know this doesn’t make us friends.”
“I didn’t think it did, but for what it’s worth, I hope you find something in this universe that brings you happiness. Maybe you’ll even find love again,” I say hopefully.
“Ha! And I’m sure Zarseti is busying herself with an animai for me as I speak. Hey, maybe she’ll invent a whole new species just for me,” he mocks.
“You do realise that sounds exactly like something she’d do, right?” I deadpan.
He stiffens as his eyes blow wide, “She fucking well better not, I don’t want an animai. I learned the hard way; love is a load of shit. It’s like that drug humans take for cancer, what is it called? Chamo… chemotherapy! That’s it. You take this drug that’s meant to save your life, but while it’s supposedly doing that it’s eating away at every good cell and making you sicker and sicker until you either die or miraculously, manage to survive. Love is a poison and slowly it’s just going to eat away at you until there’s nothing left,” he says bitterly. You don’t become this bitter unless you truly were in love once and were destroyed by it.
Love is truly a powerful thing. His analogy kind of works. People are more likely to be hurt or killed by someone they loved or claimed to love than by someone they hated. People will always say ‘I’d never hurt them, I love them’, but love has been a powerful motivator for crimes throughout history. Just look at me. Jartre and I both hurt Yildiz, but it was me, the one who loves her who hurt her the most. So it’s true, love can either save you or it can kill you. Jartre loved Apaki, and it destroyed him. The fun, adventurous – though egotistical – God that he once was is now just a sad, angry, bitter person who needs everyone else to suffer just so his life holds meaning. I, on the other hand, was saved by love. I went through all these years wishing death would take me. I’d begged the other Gods time and time again, but none would do it. None would put me out of my misery. Then I met Yildiz, and she breathed new air into my lungs. She truly saved my life, and I’m just hoping she’ll give me a chance to earn back her trust.
“Jartre, I agree with a lot of what you’re saying, but I also believe this is no way to live and I’m speaking from experience. We’re made from the cosmos. We have seen worlds humans can’t even comprehend. Our lives have to have more meaning than this. I just hope you find yours,” I say as I clap him on the shoulder. Expecting Jartre and me to be friends anytime soon would just be delusional, but if we can at least have peace between us, I’ll take it and be happy.
With us now having an agreed truce in place, I move on to my next task. I let my energy reach out into the universe and search for Yildiz and once I find her, I transport myself directly to her location. My breath catches in my throat as I look over and see her standing in a kitchenette chopping up vegetables. Her laugh is suddenly cut off the moment I appear.