A Queen Among Blood: Chapter Fifty-Eight - Yildiz
A Queen Among Blood: Chapter Fifty-Eight - Yildiz
I go to my room and have a quick shower and change into more relaxing clothes, then go out into the living area to ‘watch’ some TV. Amelia set up the television’s voice command so I don’t have to struggle with a remote. I mean, even if I know where the buttons are, I can’t see what it’s controlling on the screen. She has that feature that allows her to watch Netflix in any country, so I decided to sit back and listen to an old Australian sitcom called Kath and Kim. I love this show. It’s one of those shows where the humour is so expertly written into the dialogue that I can picture it in my mind. It doesn’t matter that I can’t see the screen, the dialogue alone is positively hilarious. You have to appreciate the Aussies and their sense of humour, it’s top tier.
I’m halfway through the first season when Marcus walks into the suite. He wasn’t at training today; he was busy dealing with the construction crews who are expanding the pack. And to think he thought the Luna role was a domestic one.
“Oh, hey Yildiz, I thought you were at training,” he says with a tone of surprise.
“I decided to call it a day when Evalyn knocked out Vitali.”
“Wh… he touched her belly again didn’t it?” he says flatly.
I chuckle. They know each other well. “Got it in one.”
“He’s as bad as Tyson always trying to steal Amelia’s food. Those two are going to lose fucking limbs if they keep this up,” he says as he walks over to the kitchen area.
“Well, that would certainly teach them,” I say thoughtfully.
He snorts, “And make for interesting conversation when people ask why our Beta and Gamma are armless,” he laughs. Marcus busies himself in the kitchen while I continue to listen to the hilarious antics of Kath, Kim, and Sharon, when Marcus comes and sits next to me.
“I know this isn’t any of my business, but I was wondering if I could give you some advice on your animai situation,” he says carefully. I instruct the TV to mute itself and turn to give him my attention.
“Actually, that would be appreciated. I could certainly use a male perspective, and you and Amelia certainly had a rocky start,” I say without judgement.
He sighs, “I still hate myself to this day for the things I said and did. Fuck, I was such a dick to her. I deserved getting knocked out on more than one occasion. Ace and I are just lucky Amelia doesn’t resort to violence like other Alphas,” he says, his guilt morphing into pride.
“So then why did you? If you wanted her and cared for her, why treat her so badly?” I ask curiously.
“That’s the thing, I never saw it that way. I’m not excusing what I did, I know now I was a fucking sexist prick and a fucking idiot to boot, and I am reformed, but at the time I didn’t see it that way. I was so stuck in my own ways and so convinced Amelia was the one who needed to change, not me, but more than that, I was scared. Really fucking scared,” he admits.
“Scared of what? Being a Luna?”
“Of her getting hurt. It was stupid of me, and those feelings only came from a major misconception about women, but the moment I learned she was an Alpha, all I saw were danger signs. I thought about all the people who would disrespect and challenge her. All the people who would look down on her, see her as weak and how much danger that would put her in. I saw people coming for her and her pack and it potentially getting my soulmate killed and that freaked me the fuck out,” he says, the fear creeping into his voice.
“And yet the one who was doing all those things to her was you,” I point out.
“Like I said, I was a fucking idiot. I fell in love with her the moment I met her, and it’s because of that love I was able to change and see her for the amazing, strong, badass queen that she is. But I still look back on our beginning with guilt and shame because of how badly I treated her. She’s forgiven me, but it’s going to be a while before I forgive myself. I nearly destroyed the best thing to ever happen to me. Worse than that, I broke the heart of the woman I love and made her feel like so many others had,” he sighs with guilt, “What your animai did by lying to you was fucked up. He betrayed your trust and worse than that, when you told him how you felt about lies, and he still didn’t own up to the truth, that was just cold, but saying that I get where he’s coming from.”
“And where is he coming from?”
“He didn’t go out of his way to hurt you, just like I didn’t go out of my way to hurt Amelia. This dude clearly has a fucked up past, and call it fear or trauma or whatever, but it made him do something stupid, and he did what so many of us dumbasses do, instead of getting out of the hole, we dig a deeper one. From everything you’ve told me, Oshmin loves you. I’m not saying you should forgive him because that’s up to you, but my advice is to at least hear him out. Not just so he can clear his conscience but because you deserve to finally hear him say the truth, and once he does, then you can make an informed decision on where to go from there. I think you both need that,” he says, giving my knee a light squeeze, though I barely feel it.
“Thank you for sharing that with me.”
“I hope I didn’t overstep,” he says cautiously.
I give him a sincere smile, “Not at all, I actually found what you said enlightening. I appreciate you being so open and honest with me, not many men do that.”
“Yeah, my gender needs a lot of work, but hey, gotta start somewhere right?” he says brightly.
I chuckle, “That is very true.”
I sit back, commanding the TV to turn the volume back on and as I listen to the sitcom with Marcus – who becomes riveted by the show – I think over everything he said. I definitely need to know the entire story and I’m owed that. I have questions and Oshmin needs to answer them. No more dismissing me or tip-toeing around the subject. Maybe he wasn’t acting out of malice, but that doesn’t mean what he did was right, he still hurt me. I’m willing to sit down with him and talk this out, but for the time being I’m going to keep enjoying my time at Invictus. I just want to enjoy not having to deal with grief, a God trying to kill me, a makkari breaking into my home or an animai who continues to put me through the wringer. Right now I just get to be someone hanging out with friends, and that’s pretty rare but incredibly precious.