A Queen Among Blood: Chapter Fifty-Four - Yildiz
A Queen Among Blood: Chapter Fifty-Four - Yildiz
My feet carry me into the Kartheca, each step feeling like the step from a phantom limb. The only part of my body that feels like it’s mine is the unbearable pain in my chest. It’s like a giant weight is pressing down on me and I can’t breathe. Every step is a struggle, and I feel as though I can’t get enough air. Humans can die of a broken heart. Supernatural beings can definitely die of a broken heart. So, I wonder if the same will happen to me.
My animai, the one I’m meant for, lied and deceived me for weeks. Made me believe something that wasn’t true. Allowed me to be in harm’s way because of a feud that has nothing to do with me, and no matter the suffering it caused me or the fact it almost killed me, the most he was willing to give me was a half-truth. Sure, he told me he was involved in a sexual relationship with a woman who was already involved, and that other person cursed him. He never lied about that. He just omitted a whole hell of a lot. Left out tthe part that he is a God, that she was a Goddess, and that the other party was also a God who was now terrorising me. If I hadn’t figured out it was Jartre tormenting me, I doubt Osi- Oshmin, ever would have told me.
I still can’t even wrap my head around that I never even knew his name. I said I love you to a man whose name I didn’t know. I called out his name during sex, and it wasn’t really his. That thought disgusts me to my core. How did he not have a problem with that? Just letting me cry out this name he made up. What the hell is wrong with him?!
As I step inside the Kartheca I’m met by the pacing auras of my sisters. The moment they see me they surround me like a swarm of hysterical girls at a Justin Bieber concert.
“Yildiz, honey are you okay?” frets Isra.
“Oh my gods, you’re bleeding!” cries Ceyda. Well, at least we know her hearing is accurate.
“What the hell happened out there? It sounded like there were Gods at war,” chimes in Özlem.
“We felt mother’s presence, was mother there?” questions Taahira.
One after another they bombard me with questions, no one giving me a chance to answer before another question is thrown my way. It’s all too much for me to handle and I suddenly start to feel claustrophobic. I just want them all to shut up and leave me alone.
“Makbule said something about your animai being attacked, what’s going on?” asks Vesile.
“ENOUGH!” shouts Setia, “For Goddess sake can none of you see she’s distraught? Clearly, something happened to her involving her animai and instead of listening to her or comforting her you’re swarming her. Give her some space to breathe!” Setia scolds our sisters as she comes over and wraps her arm around me.
“Thank you,” I say tiredly.
“It’s okay, you don’t have to talk to us until you’re ready,” she says compassionately. “Honestly, you should all be ashamed of yourselves. Have some common sense,” she chastises as she leads me away from our sisters. I can hear their hushed whispers, but I tune them out. I don’t feel like going into the sad details of everything that just transpired. The very thought of sitting down with them and going over every sordid detail at length has my knees nearly giving out from under me. I feel dirty, heartbroken, and humiliated and I don’t wish to go through that in front of anyone right now.
“Thank you, Setia, but I can go on by myself,” I say in a tired voice.
“Are you sure? You don’t have to be alone. When I was down you didn’t let me suffer alone,” she says softly.
“I know, but this is different. I appreciate you helping me, but I really just want to be alone right now.”
She nods, “Completely understand. Speak to us only when you feel like it, I’ll go wrangle the vultures,” she jokes. I don’t even have the energy to smile at her attempts at levity, I simply walk off.
I somewhat zoned out as I walked down the empty halls of my home before coming to a stop. I think I came here subconsciously. I wasn’t paying attention to where I was going and yet I know exactly where I’ve ended up. I reach out and feel the wood panelling of a door beneath my hand. I take a slow unsteady breath and reach down, feeling for the handle, and turn it. As I slowly open the door I take in the still-present scent of vanilla and lavender. I step inside and close the door and breathe in my sister’s scent. It’s been a week since Nuray died, but her scent still clings to everything in her room. For thousands of years this was her room. I wonder how long before time washes away her scent. I feel bad for corrupting it with my presence.
With careful steps, I walk further in. I make it to the closet and pull out an item of clothing holding it up to my nose and inhaling deeply. Tears fill my eyes as I cradle the clothing to my body. I probably would have turned to Nuray if she was still here. I would have snubbed everyone else and run into her arms for solace and comfort and she would have let me. She would have comforted me, consoled me, and cussed out O… Oshmin, something fierce and we would have laughed and for a short time I would have been distracted from this pain. But there are no distractions.
My sister is gone, and I don’t know what the future holds for me and my animai. I don’t even know if we have a future. Can I forgive him for lying about his identity? Did he feel he could get away with it because I’m blind? In such a small amount of time,, my world has come crumbling around me not once, but twice, and I don’t know how to handle it. I can handle wars and feuds and supernatural beings tearing up cities, but this is beyond me.
I lay on the floor and curl up holding Nuray’s clothing to my face and let the sobs break free. I scream and wail as my body shakes with rage and sorrow the likes it has never known. I can feel my very being fracturing and I no longer have the will to keep it together. I’ve lost so much and been hurt so bad, and I question if I’m strong enough to come back from it. After all the physical and emotional pain my body has endured today, it eventually surrenders to sleep, where I hope for a temporary reprieve from all this pain.