Conrad
Maya and I had cleaned up, but she wasn’t ready to sleep. So, I made us some hot chocolate, and we were cuddled up in bed. I am hoping sleep will take over because she needs to get some rest.
“Maya, I know you haven’t really been ready to talk to me about your past, the scars on your legs or your ex. But please tell me now.” I say softly.
“I will, but before I do, I need to know what we are, Conrad. What is going on with us? I need to know if this is short-term or if you want more. I can’t pour my heart out to you if you plan on leaving soon?” she replies, rolling onto her side.
I do the same, so we are face-to-face. I reach in and caress her cheek, “I am not going anywhere, beautiful. I would like us to be together for real.”
“For real? As in a couple?”
I can hear the nervousness in her voice when she asks.
“Yes, as a couple,” I smile and kiss her softly, “If that is what you want?”
“I do, but I am still scared, Conrad, so I need you to be patient with me. I need you to go at pace. Can you do that?” she whispers.
“Yes, I can do those things. I promise. I just want to be with you, beautiful.”
“Okay.” She smiles and pecks my lips.
Once we parted, she rested her head back on the pillow and took a few deep breaths.
“I will tell you some, but not everything tonight because it will be too much for me to talk about at once, especially after what has happened recently.”
I take her hand in mine, “You tell me only what you want. I don’t want to upset or overwhelm you.”
“The scars on my legs are self-inflicted. I used to hurt myself. It was my way of dealing with things when it all got too much. My childhood wasn’t good. My parents never wanted me. They were alcoholics and abusive. They are the reason I don’t like to be in darkness. They had a habit of spending any money on alcohol, so we didn’t have electricity. Our house was mostly in darkness. With the darkness, the fighting and abuse that happened made me develop a fear of it.” she whimpers.
I can see she is trying to fight back the tears.
“I am sorry you had to go through that, sweetheart.”
My heart broke for her. I hate knowing she was hurt and alone when she was younger.
“I ran away when I was fifteen. I found work and places to stay until I had enough money to come to New York when I was seventeen. My parents have never looked for me. I haven’t seen or spoken to them since.”
The tears she was trying to hold back now rolled down her cheeks.
“What? You disappeared, and they didn’t care?” I ask, shocked.
“I didn’t expect them to. They hated me. I don’t even know why they kept me. It was better they didn’t. I needed to get away from them, forget about them.”
How could they not search for her? Anything could have happened to her. The bastards never deserved to be parents.
“Yes, you are better off without them. I am sorry you had such a horrible upbringing, Maya. No one deserves that.”
I wipe her tears away.
“Yes, I am. But even after I left, the same patterns continued, only this time not at my parents’ hands but men’s. No matter who I ended up with, they always ended up abusing me in one way or another. My ex that has shown back up was the worst of all.”
There is fear in her voice when she mentions him.
“The world is full of too much bad. I hate you went through so much all alone, Maya. I wish you had someone around to protect you.” I say sadly and kiss her forehead.
“As horrible as it sounds, I got used to it. I never knew any different. I am just glad I finally found the courage to leave my ex and find a way to help myself begin to heal. I am still broken. I still have scars, physically and mentally, but those will take time.” She says softly.
“You are stronger than you know, angel. It takes courage to pull through everything you have gone through and still manage to survive a normal life. I can promise you one thing: I will never hurt you, no matter what happens with us. You will always be safe with me, Maya.” I promise.
I meant it. Even if we don’t work out as a couple, I really hope we do; if not, I wouldn’t abandon her. I would still be around and in her life. She needs someone on her side to help take care of her, and I will be that person.
“I know you wouldn’t,” she replies gently.
“What happened with your ex that has shown back up? You said he was dangerous. In what way?”
She shakes her head, “No, I can’t talk about that, not tonight. I am sorry.” She whimpers, and I watch panic fill her eyes.
Her breathing becomes heavier, and she places her hand on her chest. Her cheeks become flushed, and she starts to struggle to breathe. She was going to have another panic attack.
“Maya, it is okay. We don’t need to talk about him tonight. Please, calm down. Breathe, sweetheart.” I encourage.
I caress her face. She closes her eyes and tries steadying her breathing. Thankfully, it works before she gets worse. I don’t want her to get upset.
“I am sorry.” She whispers.
“You have nothing to be sorry for. I know it wasn’t easy for you to tell me what you did tonight, Maya. You can tell me more when you are ready. I won’t ask again or push. I swear.”
I press a soft kiss to her lips.
“Thank you.” She mumbles into the kiss.
I part from the kiss only a moment later. I slip my arms around her and bring her tightly to my chest. She hugs back. I know when she is ready to tell me, I will want to kill the bastard for hurting her.
“I think we should try to get some rest, and tomorrow, you should call in sick. You need a day to rest and feel at ease in the safety of the house.” I suggest.
“I can’t call in sick. You know what Meredith is like.” She protests.
“I don’t care. I will call and pretend to be someone else. I will make sure to talk to the receptionist and not her. I will deal with her if she gives you any trouble when you return. You need to take the day, Maya.” I sigh.
There has been so much going on. Work is the last place she needs to be.
“Okay, only if you call. Will you be here, or do you need to go to work?” she asks, glancing up at me.
“I will call for you. I need to go to work, but only in the morning. I can come back in the afternoon.”
“You can? You aren’t just saying that? I don’t want you to fall behind.”
“I can. No, it will be okay. I can work from home.”
She nods and pecks my lips. I switch the lamp on and put the ample light off. We cuddle back in, Maya clinging to me. I stroke her hair, and soon enough, she begins to drift off. Thank God she is finally going to sleep. I wait until I know she is out for the count and hope sleep takes over me. I need to be up in a few hours for work. I have an early breakfast meeting.