I'm addicted to her smell.
The snow subsided outside. I watch it fall gradually from my position in the bed. Dandeline is sound asleep in my arms, her naked body in contact with mine. I've been sucking the scent of her hair this morning. Inevitable smiles streak as I recall what we had last night. Finally, she opens her sleepy eyes and looks up at me. And I want her to see her favorite eyes first thing in the morning.
She reaches my cheek with her soft hand and raises a gentle kiss on my lips. There could never be a happier morning than this. I lean on top of her, then brush her lips with my gentle sticky kisses. When my kisses arrived on her neck, I saw my bite mark turning into a scar. I kiss it and ask, "Does it hurt?"
"Hmm, a pain in pleasure."
"You're going to be a werewolf soon."
"Huh?"
"Because you're bitten. Your cells mutate your genes to make you a werewolf. Just like zombies. If a zombie bites you, you'll become one of them."
"They don't work the same."
"What if you bite me? Will I become a pure human?"
She laughs at my idea. "There you go again with your petty theories! If I bite you, the wound will leave a mark."
"I'd love to."
I caught a glimpse of her smirk before she pulled me down to meet her lips, kissing me hard and pulling a bite on my lower. It made me recoil. She's surprisingly wild! I attack her neck with my tickling teeth and she giggles. "Hessuel!" She squeezes my cheeks upward, grinning at me. "You're having too much fun. Go back to your room now."
I came back to my room after a few flirting attempts; bathed together, made another union, and she shared a dear secret. I picked another cloth from the wardrobe—watching myself get dressed in front of the mirror—when a knock on the door sounded.
"Hessuel are you in there?" It's the voice of Phatinni. I hastened the fastening of my button and then I gave her permission to come in. "Hessuel, the Alpha wants to see you."
She was weary and troubled when she approached me, so without further ado, I followed her to the Alpha's bedroom. At the end of the wide hallway is a tall slip door. White wolves are gathered outside the room, all of them are mournful. Only the families, including extended family, are inside the room. Standing around the bed of the ailing Alpha.
The Luna is sitting beside him whilst holding his hand and weeping. Sherizzah is weeping on the opposite side as well. The breathing of the Alpha sounds like drowning, other than that, it sounds painful. Phatinni informs everyone about my arrival, that's when the Alpha extends his left hand for me. Sherizzah lent me the spot so I could reach the Alpha's hand. Eventually, his hand slides down to the hinged cuff bracelet. When everyone in the room saw it, they were flabbergasted.
"I'm happy that you keep it," he said. "Have you decided?"
My mouth remains shut for a short moment. "T-This is so sudden, Alpha Shio. I'll take this back to you. Maybe it can help—" He stops my hands from removing the cuff.
"That will be futile. I cannot withstand its power anymore. This is sudden, indeed, and no one here likes it. But... I'm relieved that you fulfilled the promise of the Elder before this day came. My grave shall forever glorify the body I used that served as a full-time Alpha. It is time to pass the honor to the worthy.
"Hessuel, my soul will be contented if you promise to wield that token in righteousness. I will be the most peaceful soul if you lead my wolves, sustain their protection, and... if you... cherish them. If you do... I would know... that I did not fail to lead them astray... even if I can't walk with them anymore in this life's journey. I would be happy... watching from behind."
We thought he was about to cough when he took a deep breath. His whole family weeps louder. I hold his hands to comfort him.
All of a sudden, my doubts and fears vanished after accepting this calling. All my selfishness was recognized. If this is my purpose and the only advantageous option I have to meet the change I envisioned, then the answer is determined. Or should I say... I can't relinquish these bereft wolves either. Cast aside the possible conflicts that may arise... for now.
I let go of the words, "Don't worry, Alpha Shio. I promise I will lead them, and wield this token for wise purposes."
He made a faint smile. "Thank you... so much!"
Phatinni declares the arrival of the Moon Priestesses—together with Matheo and Zaeramil—after she fetches them. Lanasia stands beside the Luna and Dandeline stands beside me. Both of them perform an enchantment that heals yet they postpone. Lanasia informs that the body is too weak already to bear the enchantment. As a result, Dandeline proposes another option,
"If it is the Alpha's will to live longer, I can grant him a spell similar to mine. The spell will end according to the bearer's desire. You have to decide now before it's too late," she told the family. "The spell will have no effect on the dead."
The whole clan is indecisive. Yet Dandeline is anxious to save the Alpha, when she was about to perform the spell, Luna Maia answers, "No. Don't touch our Alpha, nor do anything to him!" Her response came from distrust. Dandeline retreats from the enchantment immediately.
"But Luna, with all due respect, she can—"
She hinders her arm in front of me. "I understand your decision. Hence, we've got nothing else in our sleeves to save him."
"This is a painful separation," Lanasia asserts to sympathize albeit she's devastated like them, "but cheer up! The Moon Goddess shall surely accept Alpha Shio into her arms, and reward him for his dedication. I, the Moon Priestess of Asfara, shall stand as a witness."
Everyone in this room heeds when the Alpha speaks. "If this is the moon's will, I will humbly submit myself to it. It is an honor to serve..."
"Father!!" Sherizzah hits my shoulder unintentionally to hug him tight, the rest of the clan weeps more and the wolves outside are starting to howl. Matheo is affectionately comforting the other lamenting wolves. Shedding tears is all they can do. The Alpha dearly touches his daughter's cheek, his hand is pale.
"Sherizzah... I will be happier if you choose... and work... to bring forth the posterity of the silver wolves into this land once again. It will be wonderful..." Then he cast his eyes on me. "Hessuel... please... take care of my daughter."
I rub my lower lip on my teeth, then slowly nod my head. "I'll keep that in mind," I said. The intensity of that question made me gulp. While most of the werewolves are crying and approaching the Alpha for the last time, I step backward, and Dandeline steps out of the room. Zaeramil came out after her. Lanasia forbids me when she catches me. I'm about to do the same.
I watch the situation of these werewolves. It would be hard to mourn with them if someone who matters most is offended. Ultimately, I step out of the room to chase Dandeline. Zaeramil is walking out alongside her.
"Dan!"
She stops and looks over my shoulder at me. Zaeramil did the same and eventually gave us privacy.
"I'm sorry, I-I can't reject the Alpha in front of his family considering the situation—"
"Wait, don't feel bad about it. Hessuel, I've known you for the past few days. Even if I were to choose, I'll choose you to be their next Alpha."
"... Not only about that." I grit my teeth.
"About your Luna?"
"Yes, about Sherizzah. It's my responsibility now... but I can't accept it."
"As an Alpha, you shape yourself to become a wise leader. It's not the common tradition that will shape you. You can have a choice. It's how you'll use your intelligence."
"And I choose you."
She twists her lips while slowly nodding at me. "I know. But how about Sherizzah?" she threw the question that left me blank. Sherizzah is a strict noble when it comes to her obligations. She could be one of my greatest obstacles. She stands closely and pulls my forehead to meet hers. "I don't want to ruin their peace anymore, especially now. I'm leaving tonight. If you're coming, prepare yourself and everything needful."
The smile on her face surely made my face flush! I watched her walk farther and farther from me before I came back to the Alpha's room. This isn't the perfect timing to be excited about the elopement... now that Alpha Shio is lying lifeless on his bed.
☪ ✧ ✧
I wear the clothes I wore before I came here including the coat. I rummage through the drawers of the table until I find ink and a quill. The empty scroll I found is deformed which makes it necessary to use weights on every edge. When I can't find anything else useful for weights, I use Acro.
I wrote down everything I wanted to say, my plans, and my promises; addressing the letter to Luna Maia. I rolled the scroll again after the ink dried by the sunbeam through the window. I used a ribbon to secure it and leave it at the table. That's all I need to prepare.
I smelled a familiar scent outside my room before I heard three bashful knocks. I'm careful not to let anyone see my note before I leave. It's Sherizzah that emerges the second I open the door. Because of her snow-white skin, her reddish eyes and nose are obvious. Her first crestfallen expression evolves into shivering lips. She snuggles in me and I do the same, encompassing her within my arms.
It reminds me of the day I was in her position. I'll gladly repay it.
I'm making steps backward at a time to pull her inside my room while she's silently crying on my chest. "It's okay. I know you're gonna miss him."
She looks up at me. "Hessuel, I'm glad that somehow... we built our friendship." She wipes her tears with her knuckles after she stepped back a little. "Your willingness to lead this pack inspires me. I'm looking forward to working with you. I promise I will do my best as your Luna. I hope you do your best to fulfill your promises to my father, too."
"..." My face slumped. Unable to agree with this plight. "Sherizzah, the truth is, I need some time to think about it... about us. I'm willing to be the Alpha of this pack but not your Alpha. I doubt I'll be honest with my feelings if I do. I'm sorry."
"What do you mean?"
"Sherizzah, there's someone else I want to share my love with."
"But you're the Alpha. You— We have to! There's no one else qualified or able to multiply your breed but me! Not even the Moon Priestess!"
"..."
"I knew it all along. You can't strain your own will from what is fated for you!"
"Are you talking to yourself right now?" She was struck by my reply. I compressed my eyelids, then breathed out. "I knew it all along, too. Let's not talk about this for now. I don't wish to weigh you down. You're emotionally aggressive because of the death of your father. But really I'm sorry. We are not the same."
She grips her hands on her dress. "Exactly. You don't understand me because we're not the same. I'm willing to do this because it's my father's dying wish! I'm willing to do this for him! So, please...! Please help me grant it!" she wails.
I look away, pulling back my temper. It's strangling. I'm lost for words.
"I'm not expecting your love," she continues. "Only your promising words." She stepped out of my room and scurried away. I close the door and lean my back on it, scrubbing my whole face with my palms. Acro is silently watching at the table. I walked toward her and slammed both of my hands on the table with my face down.
"I didn't mean to make her cry."
She hoots at me. Later on, I caught a glimpse of Zaeramil in the garden, sitting alone beside the fountain. I closed the window and step not outside this room as the hour passed.
It was late at night when I did.
Far from the city on top of a hill, I'm watching the beautiful lights of the castle. So many tragic and happy memories in one place. From here on out, I will protect this land from the outside until the threat to solidarity meets its demise.
I saw Dandeline approaching along with Acro on her shoulder. All the things that distraught me vanished when I beheld her face. "Your decision remains the same?" she asks. "I wonder what kind of Alpha you will be." She gently caresses my furs and I rub my head to her bosom. "Let's go."
Snow is falling gradually. Acro is riding on my back. I'm walking along at the same pace Dandeline has.
["Did you tell Mrs. Lanasia?"]
"She's the very first person who knows about this."
["She didn't object?"]
"She can't stop me anyway." She put one hand on my head. "Hessuel, I heard everything from my room. Don't you want to make things up with Sherizzah?"
["... I will but not now. I've been thinking about it, too."]
"About?"
["My stupid theories, I guess. All they think about is to multiply my breed. And then what? Raise another war? I've been a pup... and I don't want my little ones to experience the same life I had. I learned how to run away from my enemies rather than play tag. War is almost everything they instill in me.
["Silver wolves existed solely because of war, to tame the black wolves and lead them back to the will of the moon. Not to multiply and be front liners of wars. If I am the last living silver wolf, then I should be the last solution to this cycle of problems. I want all breeds to unite. I want that kind of peace."]
"Are you sacrificing yourself?"
["I was born to be a weapon, frankly."]
"And how will you do that?"
["I don't know."] I can't tell her.
"Hm, I like the way you think, but taking action is the hardest of all. One thing is for sure: you can't do that alone. I can't accompany you forever. Since you're the chosen Alpha, you can create your pupil to fulfill your ambition, no?"
["You're not wrong. Yet what I planned is something personal. It's my purpose."]
"Is that all your goal? Or maybe you don't want to taste Sherizzah?"
["Part of it. We're not compatible!"]
She laughs at the idea.
["It's not my only goal. If you heard everything, then you know what else."]
"... Everything is so complicated now. Even the choice you have for leaving them behind while mourning."
["My promise with them remains. So as for my promise to you. I thought about the sanctions. And whenever I think about you, it's fine. Not even the giant thorns could daunt me. I don't want to live a bossy life like an Alpha. I just want to live under the same roof with you and your seven dogs."]
"..."
["Dan, I'm sorry for being cheesy."]
She smiles sarcastically. "I can imagine how cheesy my life would be once I start living with you." She stops walking and cuddles me. "I'm so lucky to have you," she said. She sinks her face into my fur and I put my jaw above her shoulder. As long as I am with her, I feel better. Her hand grasps tighter on my fur and continues, "And I'm sorry."
Numbness is crawling in my body. Memories I have been mixing in my head!
When I was on the rooftop of the pishnies hive... who was I with...?
On the lagoon back in the desert... who's the woman talking with me...?
I can't see her face clearly... the woman I'm dancing with at the ball.
Why is she smiling at me while watching the fireworks together?
The woman underneath me last night... is fading.
No. I was all alone those times.
I separated myself immediately from her cuddle and found her in tears. Hands are glowing with magic circles of enchantment.
["W-What are you doing?"]
"I'm so sorry. It's my fault that I told you to find your purpose. And now that you do, I don't want to be a hindrance. I'm glad that we've met. But I think it's better that we didn't meet at all."
Who is she?
Why is she crying in front of me?
It's mixed up!
["No, Dan, stop it!"] I said while I can still remember her.
"It's for the best. I don't want you to hold back your potential." Her enchantment almost blinds me!
I bite her cloth and pull her while insisting, ["Don't do it! Please! Don't leave me!"]
Complete numbness overpowers me when she touches my head. She hugs me gently while laying me down on the cold ground. My vision is fading. I want to hold her badly. But my body is weak.
And why should I? Who is she again...? Why is she crying about leaving me behind...?
"I love you, Hessuel."