Chapter Thirty-Six

His heartbeat was the first thing I heard when I woke up. Again, dammit. My hand against his chest, and I felt his arm curled around me. I needed to switch rooms. This was so not okay. Nothing would make him understand what I was trying to communicate.

I sat up, having to squirm out of his grasp. When I sat up his eyes opened. “Were you trying to leave me?”

I had a scowl on my face. “You did it again. I caved, and said I’d share a room with you. I didn’t agree to this.” I gestured to the bed.

“It’s a bonus then.” He smiled.

“It’s unwelcome.” I got out of bed, and started gathering my clothes for the day. I had more training to do and I had to sit through a long drive with Fitz. It was going to be a bad day and I knew that.

I was about to walk into the bathroom when Fitz grabbed me by the arm. Not rough enough to hurt me, but enough to make me stop. When I did, he turned me around to face him.

“I’m not sorry.”

I scoffed. “Thank you so much.”

I went to leave, but he stopped me again. “Hold on. Let me finish. I’m not sorry. Three weeks. You think it hurt you more than it hurt me? You are very wrong. We both hurt, but for very different reasons. You can’t expect me to sleep in the same room as you and stay so far away.”

“I can and I am. If you want to keep staying in the same room, then you need to sleep in your own bed.”

His eyes pleaded with me before his lips did. “Please. I know I have no right at all to ask.”

“You don’t. The answer is no. I won’t share a bed with you, because I don’t want to wake up next to you. I don’t know what you want from me, but you’re not getting a thing.”

Frustration burned in his eyes. “Do you not understand what I’m trying to convey here? I don’t know how to make this clearer to you. I truly don’t. I need you.”

I rolled my eyes. I knew what that meant. He’d told me from the beginning that he was going to sleep with me. It was all a game, and I wasn’t going to lose. He thought I was stupid and easy to trick. Maybe I was, but I wouldn’t fall for this one. I wouldn’t let myself think he really cared about me just so we could fall into bed, and have him say I told you so.

“I don’t buy it,” I said. “You’re clever, I’ll give you that. But I’m not doing this anymore.”

He sighed. “Fine then. But I need you to do something for me.”

I laughed. “What might that be?”

“You need blood.”

Wow. He was really desperate. “I don’t think so.”

“I’m not trying to trick you. If you’re going to try, and learn more about your abilities today, then it would help you. You can use a boost.”

“No. You get off of me feeding on you. I won’t share a bed, but you think I’ll do that?”

His frustration was only getting worse. “Listen to me, Willow. I promised I wouldn’t lie anymore, so I’ll give you nothing but the truth. Yes, I absolutely love giving you blood. Words don’t exist that I could use to give you a comprehensive description of everything it does for me. I’ve literally lost hours thinking about it. Everything about you drives me mad, and that only makes me want you more. But, in this instance, I’m telling you to do it because it will help you.”

God, I wanted to scream at him, but if he wants me to feed, then I would. And I’d enjoy hurting him while I did it.

I grabbed his hand, and pulled him to the bed. I shoved him down, and straddled his lap. Then in one motion, I grabbed him by the hair, pulled his head to the side, and sank my fangs into his neck.

Blood rushed to me and I accepted it greedily. It made me forget the wonderful taste of demon blood I had the day before. There was nothing but this. It was mine. He was mine.

I felt Fitz’s digging into my hips. His breathing was ragged as his hands moved from my hips to my thighs, scratching at my skin the whole way down. My legs tightened around him when I felt his reaction through my shorts.

When I was done with him, I ran my tongue over his neck and pulled back. “Happy?”

His eyes were unfocused, but on me. I looked at his parted lips as he tried to talk. All I heard was a mumbled, “No.”

Quickly, he moved me so that I was under him. His chest was pressed to mine, but his face was six inches away. He studied my face for a few seconds and I didn’t know what was happening.

My legs were still around him, but he wasn’t close enough. As if reading my mind, he threw his body forward, and his pelvis crashed into mine. He kissed me in time for him to feel me make a soft, and desperate sounds against his mouth. It only made him rock against me harder. He continued as I weaved my fingers through his hair before my arms went around his neck. My hands couldn’t go where I wanted them to. We were pressed too closely together for them to explore his chest.

This wasn’t enough. He kept bumping against me until I thought I was going to die. I dropped my legs from around him to make room for what I needed to do. He stopped kissing me, and started to talk, but I moved too quickly. I put my mouth back to his, and sat up without breaking apart from him.

I crawled back onto his lap, and he figured out what I wanted. He tugged my shirt over my head, because it was quicker than unbuttoning it. I heard it fall to the floor as Fitz went for the clasp of my bra. Seconds later, it was next to the shirt.

He had me on my back again, and when he laid on top of me, I felt his heart pounding against his chest. It was just below mine. After he got my shorts off, he stopped everything, and he looked down at me.

With a small smile he said, “I think I know now.”

“What?” my voice was a whisper.

“How to explain it. You and me. I mean, I knew before, but I didn’t think to tell you. Honestly I thought you knew. How can you not know?”

I searched his eyes. “What don’t I know?”

“I…” He looked nervous. “I don’t really know how to say it. I haven’t in a really long time, and since I know what you’d say, it only terrifies me more to try and tell you.”

“Then don’t tell me.” I dragged his mouth back to mine. Whatever he had to say, it wasn’t important.

I pulled his boxers off, and he rocked into me again. All there was between us was one little article of clothing. I thought he would try and take them off, but he didn’t make the move. We were so close, and I couldn’t understand why he wasn’t making it real. I wanted it so badly.

“Fitz,” I said gently as I moved his hand to my hip, to remind him to do this one last thing.

“Willow.” He stopped kissing me again to press his forehead against mine. “I have to say it. Please let me tell you. If I don’t do it now, I might never be brave — or stupid —enough to try again.”

“Then hurry.” I touched his chest as I slowly ran my hands down his torso. It was perfect and so warm.

He smiled weakly. “Willow, I—”

A knock at the door nearly sent my heart through my ribcage. The rest didn’t help.

“You up, Mama Bear?” Ferris called. “We’ve got work to do.”

Fitz looked back at the door with relief and misery. I didn’t quite know how I felt about it. My mind was still a little fuzzy, but I shoved Fitz off of me.

“I need a minute, honey,” I called back to Ferris. “I’ll be out soon.” I jumped off of the bed, and looked for clothes. I went to my bag and pulled a dress out, throwing it on as quick as I could.

Fitz was sitting on the edge of the bed, staring at me.

“Get dressed!” I hissed.

He shook his head.

I stood up, and grabbed his boxers. I threw them on his lap. “Cover yourself. I don’t need him seeing that.”

“Boxers won’t hide it, Sugar. What am I supposed to do?”

“I don’t know.” I threw my hands in the air. “Go take care of it. Just make it go away.”

He stared at me with disbelief. “It’s a hard-on, not a bunny. It doesn’t just magically go away.”

My face was on fire. “Just take care of it.”

He laughed. “Why don’t you take care of it?” He pulled me onto his lap again, and I was reminded how close we came to doing something really dumb.

“Sure. I’ve always wanted to lose my virginity in a quickie so a kid doesn’t see something traumatic.” I tried shoving myself away, but he had a firm grip on me.

“I don’t do quickies, Willow.”

“Super. Let me go or I’ll hurt you.”

“You can’t hurt me,” he said numbly.

I doubted that, but I’d happily accept the challenge. “Okay then.” I put my arms around his neck, and wiggled around on his lap. I leaned into his ear and put my hand on his chest. “I would have let you do absolutely anything you wanted to me. Anything. And there were at least a dozen things I wanted to do to you. You could have had everything you wanted from me.” I let my nails drag against his skin before I moved back. “But you decided you’d rather talk than be inside of me. Ya snooze, ya lose.” I smiled before I pecked him on the lips, and shoved him onto his back. He was surprised enough to not be able to stop me.

I got up and went to the door. I opened it quickly, and snuck out before Ferris could see a very naked and very sad Fitz.

“Hey.” I smiled.

“Hey. Your hair is a little…” He tried smoothing it out for me. “And you don’t have shoes on.”

I looked down. “Don’t need em. Let’s go to your room. Is that okay?”

“Sure,” he said slowly. “Is Fitz coming?”

I laughed. “Don’t know. Come on.” I laced my arm with his, and we left.