Chapter 64 — Hurt and Pain

Emily's POV

As I walked out of the exit of the hospital a chilly breeze touched my bare arms and neck, creating goosebumps on my already cold soul and body and ruffling my thoughts.

I rubbed my arms seeking some warmth and walked towards the bus stop that wasn't far from the hospital.

I had spent all night in the hospital thinking about everything that I could do to save my mom. And in the end, I realized that I only had one option left.

And that was selling my body.

I had asked the doctors to start the surgery as soon as possible. I assured them that I would submit the papers and money till midnight.

I knew I was going to do something that I would probably regret every day in my life but I had absolutely nothing to lose out of it, except for my dignity which wasn't worth losing a life.

So here I was, going to sell my self-respect and dignity to a man who didn't even know the meaning of these words.

I hopped out of the bus and started walking towards my house. I wasn't feeling anything.

I knew I was betraying Aaron but I had no other option except it. He was definitely going to break up with me after I would tell him what I did but funny thing was that I wasn't even worrying about it.

I already knew this was coming. Better sooner than later.

I wasn't worrying about myself. About Aaron. About skipping school. About the money. Heck, I wasn't even worrying about my mom who was in ICU at this point.

All I knew was that I had to save her at any cost.

That was it. It was all I felt.

I unlocked the door and went upstairs to make myself look presentable in front of the man I was going to sell myself to.

I hurried to the bathroom and took a shower, shaved, and let my muscles relax for a bit under the hot water before coming out only in a bathrobe.

I dug in my closet and took out a blue off the shoulder top with white pants and threw them on.

I tied my hair in a high ponytail and put on some makeup to hide the dark circles that were prominent enough to be seen from afar.

I sat on the edge of my bed and closed my eyes taking in deep breaths.

I had to do it. I couldn't run away now. Not when I had signed the papers in the hospital. Not when my mother was on her last breaths.

I regained my posture and stood up with the same cold look on my face.

I was going to do it. 

There was no turning back now I opened the door and went downstairs. I took one last look at the picture hung on the wall outside mom's room. It was a picture of all of us. All four of us. When we were a family. A family people called happy.

I walked past it and opened the door, welcoming the cold wind to embrace me once again.

I knew where that man lived. When I worked for him we used to go to his place often times when he held parties for catering purposes.

He lived all alone. His wife had left him and he had no children.

I thought about the hungry and lustful looks he gave me whenever he saw me and about all the times he tried to come closer and touch me but I somehow always managed to escape.

But not today.

He was getting what he wanted without even trying for it. Who knew I eventually had to surrender to him?

As I was walking further towards the bus stop, someone grabbed my wrist and yanked me backward so that I collided with their chest.

With a look of horror on my face, I lifted my head up to see who it was, and when I did my breath constricted in my throat and my chest started feeling heavy.

"Noah?" I blinked my eyes, hoping for it to be my imagination.

"Cupcake," he said with concern in his voice and placed his hand on my cheek.

"Where were you?" he asked and I immediately averted my eyes to the side.

"None of your business," I huffed in annoyance.

"None of my business? Are you seriously kidding me right now? You weren't home all night last night and you didn't even come to school today. Do you have any idea how many calls I gave you? Do you know for how long I had been looking for you?"

"You didn't have to," I said still not meeting his eyes and took a step back.

"What's going on?" his voice was soft and was pleading me to give in.

"Nothing," I shook my head and wrapped my arms around myself.

"Cupcake you—" he took a step forward towards me and lifted his hand up to cup my cheek again when I interrupted him.

"I need to go right now," I said and turned around, silently begging him to let me go this time.

"You're not going anywhere unless you tell me what's wrong," he said and grabbed my wrist walking back towards my house.

"Noah, let me go," I tried to free myself from his grip but his hold was firm enough to not let that happen.

"Give me the key or I'm taking you to my house," he demanded.

"Noah le—"

"Fine, you're going to my place then," he said and turned around to walk to his house when I huffed in exasperation.

"Here," I said and took it out of the pocket with my free hand.

He unlocked the door and dragged me inside. His grip on my wrist was strong but not strong enough to hurt me.

He sat me on the couch and only then he let go of my wrist. He sat down beside me and rubbed his temples, closing his eyes.

"I need to go," I whispered after a moment of silence.

"Where?" he didn't look at me but kept his eyes close instead.

"It's none of your damn business, I told you!" my voice was loud and filled with frustration.

"What is wrong, Emily?" he asked once again, his voice gentle and expressions pained and for the first time since last night, I felt something flicker inside me. I didn't know what it was. Maybe it was because of his expressions or because my name sounded so foreign on his tongue.

"Nothing is wrong," I crossed my arms over my chest and looked sideways, not meeting his eyes again.

"You can lie to me but your eyes can't," he almost whispered making my heart pick up an abnormal pace again.

"My eyes?" I choked out.

"Yes, those eyes. I would've let you go if it weren't for those goddamn eyes. If they weren't begging me to hold you back and not let you go again," he yelled and stood up looking heavenwards in frustration.

I was getting weaker and weaker each passing second with Noah. I had to get out of here at any cost if I wanted to save my mother. I knew he wouldn't let me do it if I told him.

But somewhere at the back of my mind, I knew that it wasn't the only reason I wasn't telling him the truth.

Oh, who was I kidding? I only wasn't telling him that because I knew he would be disgusted by me and leave me when he would get to know what I was planning on doing.

"I have to go," I said again with a much more stern voice.

"No, you don't. Either you tell me what's going on or you spend the entire day here with me," his voice left no room for argument that pissed me off even more.

"And who are you again?" I yelled this time, hurting my own heart by talking to him like that.

He looked taken aback by my choice of words but I knew I had to do it in order to make him set me free. 

He regained his posture after a second and turned around walking towards the window 

"I'm no one but I'm assuring you one thing that you aren't going anywhere unless you tell me everything."

"Fine, you want to know then here it is. I am going to sell myself to a man I know nothing about for the sake of some money that I need for the surgery of my mother who couldn't care less about getting drunk and walking on the streets all wasted!" I yelled but when I saw the horrified expressions on Noah's face I clammed my hand over my mouth and realized what I had just done.

His eyes were wide and he took a step back stumbling and then steading himself holding the counter.

Tears were streaming down my cheeks. I buried my head in my hands and brushed the tears away before he had a chance to see me all vulnerable again.

I felt him come and sit by my side but I didn't look up. I was too ashamed of myself to even meet his eyes again.

This was it. He was now done with me. He would tell me that he couldn't be with someone like me anymore. Someone who didn't have any respect for something as sacred as one's virginity.

I prepared myself for the worst. I had to endure it no matter what he told me today.

He gently took both my hands in his and made me look at him. His eyes were unreadable and there was a glint of hurt in his expressions that didn't do much to lessen my miserable state.

We stared at each other for maybe moments or eternity but just for some moments, everything felt in place. Just by looking in his eyes made me feel secure again.

He let go of my hands and cupped both of my cheeks instead. He pulled me closer to him and brushed the tears away from my cheeks with his thumbs.

I closed my eyes and leaned into his touch. I needed this. I needed him at the moment. I couldn't bear the hurt and pain anymore. It was getting too much for my heart to handle. I opened my eyes and saw him still looking at me intently. And then he did something I least expected him to do at that time.

He kissed me.