XXXIII. Begin Again-1

"We all want to break our orbits, float like a satellite gone wild in space, run the risk of disintegration. We all want to take our lives in our own hands and hurl them out among the stars." David Bottoms ---- Chapter XXXIII – Begin Again Mom watched the front door for several moments after Dad left. I didn't say anything. I didn't want to interrupt her train of thought. Finally, she took a breath and turned to me. She blinked, her mouth opening to speak, but she didn't have words. Small sounds escaped as she tried to start sentences, but she couldn't form anything coherent. "That … that was your dad … that was Ronan," she finally murmured in disbelief, as though her eyes had been tricking her. "Are you okay?" I asked her, already knowing the answer. "Oh, hon, I don't even know what I am right now." She knotted her fingers in her hair as she sat down beside me on the couch. I immediately wrapped me arms around her and rested my head on her shoulder. Turning her head, she kissed my hair. We sat together on the couch for a while, quietly considering what had happened. I wasn't sure I still fully understood what had happened between them, and what had happened to my dad, but all I knew was that I had my dad back. Selfishly, I was so glad. Unselfishly, I didn't know what this would mean for my mom. I didn't know how my dad would cope being around her. I then shuddered at the thought of him leaving. What if being around Mom was too much for him? We were both startled by the sound of my phone ringing. In all the commotion, it had fallen down the side of one of the couch cushions. I fished it out and saw that it was Shea calling me. I also saw that it was lunch time. Shit. How long had we been here for? "Hey," I answered. "How are you feeling?" he asked. I could hear in his voice that he was itching for news. He really had protesting going to school today. My eyes darted to my Mom, who was still sitting, quite bewildered, beside me. "Um," I paused, but then forgot to finish my sentence. "Um?" Shea prompted. "Sara, are you okay?" he demanded to know. "I'm leaving. I'm coming right now." I could hear in the background that he was in the cafeteria. I could hear him clambering to his feet, and I could hear the questions from his friends. "No, no, I'm fine!" I promised. "We're just a bit tired." That was an understatement. "Mom's home with me." I couldn't exactly tell him what had happened with my Mom sitting right next to me. "Your mom is there?" he repeated. "Are you okay?" he pressed. "Are you sick? Do you have a fever? An infection? Is your incision site red or tender at all?" Clearly someonehad been spending a little too much time talking to my mom at the hospital. "I'm fine!" I said again with a smile. "I'm not sick, and I've got snacks, and a whole lot of Real Housewives to watch." I knew it was difficult for him to be apart from me, especially when I wasn't one hundred percent. "Would it be too much to ask you text me your temperature every so often?" he asked quietly. "I know your mom wanted you to do that, and I've been researching –" "Shea," I stopped him. "People function completely normally without their spleens," I assured him. "You will be the first to know if I develop a fever. Which I won't." Shea sighed in a way that told me he knew he was being over-protective. "Is it still alright for me to come by after school?" "You want to watch Real Housewives with me?" I teased. I could practically hear the eye roll. "Whatever makes you happy," he replied in good humour. I heard the bell sound in the background, so I knew he needed to get going. "I'll see you later. I love you." "I love you more," he replied, before cutting the call. We hadn't really had a chance to be just us in the past few weeks. Being attached to all sorts of machines and IVs hadn't helped, but Shea had been really concerned about me, and he clearly still was. I was looking forward to when we could get our relationship back on track, and I hoped I wouldn't fully embarrass myself like I did the last time. "Shea is going to get grey hair if he's not careful," murmured my mom. "Don't I know it," I replied. Taking a deep breath, I said, "Mom, I'm really sorry for not telling you about Daddy. I promise you I only knew for a little while, and he didn't want me to tell you." As soon as the words were out of my mouth, I knew I could have phrased them better. "You are not responsible for your father's sins, Sara," she replied with a reassuring tone. "If anything, I'm the one who's responsible." "What?" "We all say things without really meaning them. We mean them in the moment, but not really." Mom looked down at her wedding rings, spinning them absentmindedly. "I am very angry at him. I hate the grief he put me through. But I'm angry at myself as I said some horrible things to him back then. I hurt him, deliberately, in anger, and what I said kept him from being in your life, and in my life." She leaned her head back on the couch and sighed, closing her eyes as though she was getting a migraine. "Mom, none of this is your fault either," I insisted. "You were just being a good mom. Like you always have done." She blindly reached for my hand and I squeezed it. "Oh, sweetheart, I shouldn't be bothering you with this. Kids aren't supposed to worry themselves with their parents' problems, and you certainly shouldn't be stressing about any of this. You need to be resting." Shaking her head, she got up from the couch, and went into the kitchen to make us some lunch. We watched TV together for the rest of the afternoon. Trashy television to distract us. Well, I hope it distracted Mom as it certainly didn't distract me. I kept stealing glances at my mom as we watched. She had always spun her rings mindlessly every so often, but she had not stopped today. Was it really childish of me to be hopeful? Or had too much happened? Would they get divorced? They were still technically married after all. Shea must have broken about a dozen road rules as he arrived at my house eight minutes after the final bell would have gone for the day. As soon as he was inside and on the couch with me, Mom left with her purse, muttering something about going to the store. Shea looked so relieved to see me, and after everything that had happened today, I was certainly glad that I could trust him with it. "My mom found out about my dad today," I told him as soon as we were alone. Shea's brown eyes widened in shock. His mouth opened for a moment before he found words. "Shit, how did she take it?" "Not well … and well, a little of both," I replied, shrugging my shoulders in disbelief. "Daddy came over after she left for work and she forgot her phone. She found us here together. They fought … I think that's what you'd call it. It was kind of like I wasn't there. They fought, and talked, Mom cried. She hugged him, and they fought some more." I rested my head on Shea's shoulder and exhaled. I hadn't realised just how tired I was after today, and I hadn't really done anything except sit on my behind. "I think my mom and dad are going to get a divorce," I admitted sadly. I mean, I could imagine up happy endings in my head, but really, who could come back from this? Seventeen years had passed. They were probably completely different people now. That on top of the whole resurrection thing was enough to push a couple to divorce, no matter how much they loved each other in the past. I didn't know if my mom could handle this.