XXXII. Explanations-3

Mom quickly set about composing herself, dabbing her eyes with her sleeve and trying to keep her mascara in place. "You're right, Sara," she agreed, climbing to her feet. "I almost lost you," she gulped, "and your health is what matters. We shouldn't be having this discussion in front of her, Ronan." Not what I meant. But Mom suddenly froze, her eyes drawing up slowly to glare at Dad. Oh God, what now? "Wait, you knew the man who attacked Sara, didn't you?" Dad nodded regretfully. "Yes. His name was Alexander Hale." Was. A shiver went down my spine. That was my first confirmation. I hadn't had the chance to speak to Shea about what had happened with Lex. But knowing that he was dead left me feeling a little safer, and I didn't know if that made me a bad person or not. "His father, Kurt, was the man I killed seventeen years ago. His vendetta against the pack came to a head when he set his sights on Saraphine. I thought she would be safe in Charlotte with Shea and Cecelia and …" he trailed off before taking a breath. "Anyway, I stayed behind to make sure you were safe leading up to the anniversary. When I learned Saraphine was missing, I tracked Alexander's movements, and found Saraphine's scent, which led me back to where it happened. It led me to the clearing. I tried to talk him down. I wanted it to end peacefully but –" "But instead my daughter was nearly killed by a crazy person with a knife, and now she has no spleen and none of her own blood left in her body!" Mom interrupted furiously. "Mom!" I pleaded in a rational tone. "He tried to save me. He found me!" "Something you'd neglected to tell me, Sara," she added sharply. "But I don't care. You were unsafe … I knew this would happen. This is what I was afraid of!" Shit, she was blaming my dad now. Dad laughed knowingly, shaking his head. "Don't you dare act like I put that knife in Alexander's hand," he rebutted. "All I have ever done is watch out for my kid. I did everything in my power to protect Saraphine from harm, and it wasn't enough. And I will live with that. But I got her as fast as I could to the people that could help her." He laughed again, but with regret and pain. "All I have ever done is try to protect the people around me. I tried to protect Alexander's mother as she tried to join my pack, and I wanted her son to come with her. That caused the conflict with Kurt. "I tried to protect you, Amanda. First and foremost. I kept you out of it, and I realise I should have been honest, but would it have made you leave me sooner? Perhaps that is very selfish of me, but that's the way our minds work. "I have loved you, Saraphine, more than my own life, for every single day of yours." He looked upon me with complete sincerity. "I will never be able to make up for the years I've lost, and denied you, and I am so incredibly sorry. It has been the hardest thing I've ever done, not knowing you. I hope that you can find some way to forgive me, and I hope that this next stage of your life, we can build the kind of bond that I have always wanted to have with you." Looking back to Mom, he said, "I am a flawed man, but nobody could ever say that I didn't fucking love my family." My mom looked so raw. I wanted to hug her, to let her know it would all be okay. I honestly couldn't tell what she was feeling. I didn't know how she felt about my dad. I knew there were still a lot of unresolved issues there. "I am sincerely sorry for everything that I put you through, Amanda. Everything. Before and after. I wasn't the best boyfriend. I certainly wasn't the greatest husband. You stuck yourself with a dumb kid, and I understand a lot more now why I couldn't make you happy. You deserved a lot better. You deserve a lot better. And for what it's worth, I'm so proud of you, for everything you achieved, and for how amazingly you brought up Saraphine." I could sense "goodbye" in his tone, and it made me feel suddenly apprehensive. I didn't really know what I expected to happen between them, but I didn't want whatever it was to end. A single tear escaped Mom's eye and she quickly wiped it away before it could roll down her cheek. "I think you ought to go, Ronan," Mom said quietly. My heart sank, and I could see the dread and pain on Dad's face immediately. He was preparing himself for rejection. "Daddy," I whispered, willing him not to go far. He offered me a small, sad smile, before nodding in concession to Mom. He leaned over and kissed my forehead, before turning towards the door. As he went to go, Mom added, "We eat breakfast around eight-ish in the morning on weekends." Looking over his shoulder, Dad asked, "Is that an invitation?" nonchalantly, though I could hear the hope in his voice. "What do you want me to do? Spell it out for you?" she chastised self-consciously. He wisely chose not to push her, probably in fear that she would rescind the invitation. "I'll bring coffee." "Do you … do you remember how I like it?" she asked nervously. "I remember." ---- I wish I drank coffee. I feel like I'm missing out on something haha. I hate it though. Anything coffee flavoured - yuck. I did go to a Starbucks for the first time when I was in Vienna (because we don't have many/if any in Australia that I'm familiar with because Melbourne coffee culture is too snobby for commercial chains hahaha) and I think I offended then when I bought a bottle of water lol. But soon it will be Autumn for my northern hemisphere friends and I'll see all the pumpkin spice lattes on my Instagram feed which just makes me wonder why you'd drink pumpkin instead of steam it or roast it for a delicious accompaniment to any dinner hahaha