Chapter 9 Hope That Is Dying
Maddie's POV
The drive towards my apartment was silent. I didn't want to see Ash and I don't think that I ever want to be accompanying anyone to an event anymore, because Ash would likely be there. If I had known that he was dating Genna, then I would've avoided that scene, also if I had known that it was Genna's brother. It was evening, so it was becoming more chilly. I rubbed my arms as I looked at the road ahead.
"Are you cold?" Mariko's voice broke the silence.
"Yes, but I'm fine," I replied. He pressed something on the touch screen in front of us. I started to feel the warmth.
"Are you sure that you are fine now?" he asked.
"I guess that I am. This is the reason why I do not want to be going to these kinds of things. It is definitely not my scene," I said.
"You said that before and you didn't like the party scene, so now you do. Some things change over the years. People change. Things don't work out all the time. Some people fall out of love. Some people are with each other because they have to be, especially when kids are involved and they are with each other for the sake of them. I know that Ash had hurt you and I don't know to what extent, but a word of advice. Take your time and do not rush into anything." he said. I didn't look over at him as I continued to keep my gaze on the road.
"Trust me, I am taking my time. I never dated anyone after Ash. But this is something that I do not want to talk about at this moment," I replied. I didn't want our conversation in the car to be about Ash. It gave him a hint at what type of person Ash is, but there would be that voice inside of my head that told me that Mariko would see me as the bad girl.
"I won't talk about it if you don't want to, but always remember that my door is always open," he encouraged.
"I will keep that in mind."
"What are your plans for the weekend?" he asked and in this moment butterflies fluttered in my stomach. I was getting hopeful that he would make plans with me even after this incident with Ash.
"I will be studying but I wouldn't mind the break to perhaps do something," I shrugged.
"I hope that you enjoy your weekend at least. Studies are important for what you want to pursue," he replied.
My shoulders sagged with disappointment, I wanted him to ask me to go out somewhere with him. "Yeah," I said, which was barely a whisper, and then all too soon, we pulled up in front of my apartment. Now I was the one who didn't want to get out of the car. I took my handbag, remaining on my seat as I looked down.
"Is there anything else?" he asked, and I looked at him. He was looking at me with so much warmth.
"Thank you for asking me to accompany you to the gallery. I know Ash ruined the evening further, but I still appreciate it. The kind words are also sweet." Did I just say that? Ugh.
"I would do anything for a good girl," he held my gaze, although it was dark, the street lamp shined into the car so that I could still get a better look at him. That feeling of want made its way back and I wanted to take that leap of faith and kiss him. But I cannot do that because he is basically another boss of mine and I do not want to cross that line until he makes a move, whenever that may be.
He leaned in closer to me and I held my breath because it was happening. I stared at his parted lips and his hand reached towards my face and I closed my eyes with my parted lips as he gently moved a strand or two that was stuck against my cheekbone away, "I just wanted to make that right," he rasped and when I opened my eyes, he was inches away from me, he just needs to lean in more and our lips would touch.
His hand lingered on the side of my face and then he moved my hair behind my ear. He studied my face as I looked up into his eyes. "I don't know why someone would treat you like dirt. If it was me, I would treat you as the rose that you are who blooms instead of withering by someone's words." he said as he looked into my eyes again and then it was like something inside of him that broke his trance, snapping him in half, it was like I heard it as he now slowly pulled away. "Um...I should get back home. I'm sorry about how the evening turned out but don't let his words get to you," he said as he was ready to drive, but he watched me, it was like an internal battle that he had, because I can clearly see it in his eyes.
I was disappointed because, dammit Mariko, you could have kissed me. With a heavy sigh, I replied, "I will be okay, thank you. Enjoy your weekend," I said as I opened the car door and stepped out.
I was ready to get into my apartment because of my disappointment. I closed the door gently no matter how much I wanted to slam it shut and then I walked as fast as I could down the path towards my apartment building door. Once I was inside, I could breathe again and I heard him drive away.
I don't know what to do with myself, because clearly, I am not ready for a relationship and when I think I am, the man that I want or hope to want is pulling away each time he gets close, but then, I can still read into it wrong. I scoffed as I walked up the stairs at my hope that is slowly dying.