EPILOGUE

I’m not assuming or a gold digger to flirt with someone to get some money, I grew up with my grandfather and he teaches me a lot of things in life, even he had a tons of money he raised me like a normal kid.

He raised me properly.

I am Jano Lim Valestre, I grew up on the province and I want to be independent, when my grandfather died I went here in Manila to forget the pain that my grandfather left in me, I decided to run because I badly misses my grandfather, and I’m scared to accept that he can’t come back again.

I didn’t expect to meet some guys that could change my whole life, I thought I already knew myself, but I’m don’t.

Using them I found out who I am, I found out what am truly I.

It’s been two years when Fred and I become together and leaves in the same roof.

Everything changed even Fred, He become so lovely and matured sometime are possessive but I found him attractive on it.

But the only thing that never changes is he being a perv.

“Fred! Wake up, breakfast are ready, you’re going to be late, I’m sure your father will scold you again”

I wake him up.

“Mmmm, 5 minutes my wife, I’m so sleepy”

He said while his eyes were closed.

“Tsk, wake up, your going to be late”

I insisted

He opened his eyes and smirk at me, he grab my arms and pulled me to his top.

“It’s okay if we make a baby”

He laughs suspiciously.

I quickly get up because of what he said.

“Hey! Fred! You’re too much!”

I shouted.

“Until now it’s----- it’s still hurt”

I shyly said and turned back to him

I heard him laugh so I quickly get out to his room.

“Hey wait! What did you say?”

He followed me and trying to tease me.

Fuck! Why did I say that?

“Nothing! Just take a bath!”

I said out of embarrassment.

“Okay My wife, can you join with me?”

He shouted when I left him and went on the kitchen.

“Wife your face!”

I replied.

For almost two years there’s a lot of things happened on us, His mother came back to abroad, while Jonas is trying to pursue Fred but he rejected Jonas many times until he got tired and never showed to us again.

Sometimes I’m asking Fred about Giro but he just said “He’s fine” I didn’t mean to offend Fred but I would like to know if Giro are truly alright, since the day we met on the groceries store I didn’t hear anything from him.

While Louie is with me and we are busy to complete our papers since we just graduated this year, Ken still teasing Fred by calling me “Cutie boy” but he’s very happy when he found out that we’re together, while Cedric is still the same.

“Yes mom? I’m fine... yes... okay mom”

Its Fred since they met again his mom always called him on the phone.

“My lovely wife! I have to go okay? It’s already 7:45 am I’m too late so see you later okay?”

He said then Kissed on me.

“Okay take care of yourself, anyway, Louie and I needs to go at school later for some requirements”

I said before he go.

“Okay okay! Jus call me so I could pick you up”

He said then kissed me again.

“Uhm! Wait, I forgot!”

I said and get the lunch box on the kitchen.

“Here! I made this for you! You always geeting late so you’ve been skiping your breakfast”

I said.

It’s a sandwich that I made and some fruits.

“I think I have to use my sick leave to stay with you”

He teased me then wink.

I just glared at him then he laugh.

“I’m kidding, bye”

He said then kisses me for the last time.

To be honest everything went well, I graduated in college and I’m planning to find a stable work, I also had new family and a kind and lovable partner, maybe comparing in a novel, it is right to end this with a period because I can say that were live happily ever after.

But it’s not.

‘Coz you can only say that our story already done, when our lives will end.

“Jano! How’s the work that you’ve been looking for?”

It’s Louie. We’re here at school to fulfil our requirements for our credentials.

“Uhm to be honest, I already approved, I’m just waiting for my passport”

I said

“Oh! Nice nice! What did Fred said about it?”

This time I akmost stuck on my feet.

Fred.

Right

I didn’t tell it to Fred.

I didn’t tell Fred that I had a job offer from the Newyork, I didn’t expect that they will accept me, I just tried to applied but suddenly they insisting me for the position, I also think that It would be a great opportunity for me, and besides it’s just a 1 year training after that, It’s my decision if I’d like to work on Newyork or here.

“I haven’t talk to Fred about this yet.”

I mumbled.

I can see that Louie is very disappointed, I understand him because he really knew Fred, and I know he will be mad at me.

“I think you need to tell Fred about that, you are part of his life now, and the same time he is part of your life too, so I guess he had rights to know everything about you”

Louie explained.

“Who has the right to know what?”

I almost startled when I heard Fred in our back.

“Fe-Fred uhm!”

It’s Loouie when we see Fred.

“What?”

He seriously said.

I take a deeply breathe before I start, I should tell to him right now before it’s getting worst.

“Fred! I got job opportunity”

I started.

“Nice! What company? Where?”

“In New York”

I continued.

He didn’t give a response when he heard it. I know he’s shocked and speechless.

“Uhm! Do-don’t worry I decided to decline it”

I quickly added, He just seriously nodded and turned around. I look at Louie and he whispered to follow him.

I followed Fred, until we get in the car and we are silent for the whole time until we get home.

I know he thinks a lot of things about it, and maybe he’s very disappointed because I didn’t tell him first.

When we get inside the house he just sit at the couch in the living room and I sit next to him.

I was shocked when he hug me tight and talk.

“Maybe it’s destiny for you to go in New York”

He deeply said.

I hold his hand and face to him.

“Listen Fred, its okay for me to decline it, besides it’s just a first try, I should try the others”

I explained.

But he moves his eyes away from me.

“No Jano, It’s... 3 months ago, I got an email from someone, asking if I know Jano lim Valestre which is you”

I got confused when I heard t.

I couldn’t understand him and besides its 3 months ago and I didn’t know that there’s someone was looking at me.

“... and that message is from New York of Joana Lim, claiming that she is your...”

Almost heart attack when I heard the name that was looking of me.

“... Mother, I don’t know if it’s true, that’s why I asked daddy to helped me to hired a private investigator to find the truth”

Everything went silent, I couldn’t hear anything from him, it just a ‘mother’ word keeps echoing in my ears.

How?

All I know she abandoned me to my grandfather, and since then I didn’t hear anything from her.

How did she find me?

“So I decided not to tell you yet since you were busy these past few months”

I couldn’t speak. I don’t know what I have to say, I even don’t know what I should feel.

Should I be happy because she was looking for me?

Or I should be mad because she abandoned me when I’m still a baby?

But why he didn’t tell to me?

I should have rights to know about it.

And it’s my decision to feel angry or happy for her.

“Wh-why? Didn’t you tell about it?”

I just ask.

Out of confusion my tears flows down on my face.

“Bu-but Jan...”

I don’t know but I couldn’t stop myself and I feel that I have to explode.

“Every time, I always think of how it felt when you had a mother, how did it feel when there’s a mother taking care of you? I don’t know what I should feel but still there’s a part inside of me that I need courage from a mother”

I slowly said.

I’ll try my self not to explode because I know he didn’t meant it, but there’s a part of me keeps telling that it’s unfair.

“So-sorry Ja...”

“No!’

I was shocked what I said, I don’t have an intension to start an argument but my mouth automatically speaks and I couldn’t stop myself to feel this way.

I was furious.

Confused

I don’t know I had mixed emotions right now, I can’t understand myself.

“It’s unfair”

I mumbled

He hold my hand but my body automatically stand up and step a way from him.

“I’m sorry Fred but I can’t understand anything for now”

I muttered to him.

I couldn’t stop my self and walkout in front of him. I went up inside my room and locked it up.

I hear his knock but I’m very disappointed and devastated. I was sitting in the floor and cried hard as I can.

I couldn’t think properly and everything went blur in my mind.

Minutes later when I decided to talk to Louie to booked a ticket going to New York.

I called my friend who works at DFA to follow up my the status of my passport, there’s nothing inside in my mind, All I want is to keep away from him.

I’m just a little bit angry but I’m very disappointed of him. ever since I’m jealous because his mother came back and I wish that I also had too, and now there’s a woman who claiming that she is my mother but what he does? He keeps secret it from me.

It’s already dark outside around 6 in the evening when I come out to my room, I want to leave here for now, I need space to sink in everything in my mind.

I saw Fred wearing his sleeveless shirt and boxer short, he’s standing at the downstairs but I didn’t look at him and go down straight.

He grabbed my arms to stop me but I refused and walk fast until I get out from the house.

While I’m walking without any destination, I received a text message from Louie.

‘Are you sure about that?’

He asks.

Yes? I don’t know, all I want now is to leave this place, I want to take a breath, and I need air.

I really love him but I can’t understand him, I find it selfish, why is he like that?

“Jano wait!”

I heard him.

But I started to run.

“Please Fred! I just want to be alone!”

I shouted at him.

So this is how it feels, when someone is trying to hide something about you but you found it. It feels like he cheated on you.

I just run away from him without any noticed that I’m already at the outside of our village.

“Please Jano! Let me explain”

He shouted.

I look back at him and I realized that I was standing at the middle of the highway.

“Jano please let us talk”

He pleaded.

This is the first time that I was looking at Fred and he looks very tired, he’s soaking at his own sweat. He almost couldn’t catch his breath I noticed that he doesn’t have any slippers.

He looks very tired just to stop me.

My tears flows down to my face, I didn’t expect that we will end like this.

Every moment that we had spent together flashes back on me.

I closed my eyes because of the headache. I feel like there’s something on my head and it’s really in pain.

Then a second later I hear a loud sound of the horn from the vehicle.

I opened my eyes and saw Fred at lying at the ground floating to his own blood.

Everything went slowly, the moment when I saw him looking at me while mouthing my name.

I was shocked, my heart beat stop for a second, I can’t Breathe.

I remembered that first day we’ve been together.

“You little cutie boy”

Fred!

“You don’t have to do this just to say sorry”

“Just one kiss is enough”

“Woah! You’re so amazing, how did you do this?”

I feel my body stuck, every single step was too heavy. I tried to step forward to come closer.

“It’s very unfair! I’m the one who surprised instead of you.”

“You’re the only one can do this to me, I’m so happy”

I lay down on my knee while his hand trying to reach my face.

“Because I’m the one who are happy because you are happy”

“I can’t survive if you leave me, so please Jano stay with me okay? I love you”

My body shakes too hard, I felt heavy on my body, and I couldn’t breathe properly.

“Fred”

I said.

But everything went crazy when his hand didn’t reach my face and slowly fall down, his eyes slowly closed.

“Fred!”

I said loudly.

I hold his face and tried to wake him up.

“Fred?”

But still he couldn’t response.

“Ambulance”

I muttered while trying to hold his head where the blood keeps running out.

“Fred? Wake up”

But he’s eyes were closed like he was sleeping at the middle of the way.

“Fred please!”

I whispered. Trying to wake him

“Ambulance please”

I said to the guy who comes closed to us.

I couldn’t breathe and it’s very heavy, my tears keep flowing down on my face.

“Fred Wake UP!”

I almost shout at him but still he’s not responding.

“FRED! PLEASE WAKE UP!”

I shouted.

But it seems he can’t hear me.

I feel my heart beat skip for almost a minute and I can’t breathe. My energy almost drained and I can’t stop crying.

I keep waking him. But I almost drained my energy.

Until, everything went black...

Fred! I couldn’t accept of what happened, Life is too short, everything can change in just one snap.

I went here in the manila just to be an independent person and couldn’t think to meet someone who could change my whole life.

“Mr!”

“Mr!”

“Mr!”

“Call an Ambulance”

“Oh my Ghad!”

I can still hear the sound around us. Everything is dark until the voice and sounds decreases and fades away.

Until, everything went silent.

I feel a little bit of pain at my neck. Then lastly out of the dark and silence I heard someone’s voice.

“How do you know when you love a person?”

I heard a familiar voice.

“If you couldn’t sleep at night”

Giro? I guess its giro talking on someone

“Is it loved if you just couldn’t sleep at night?”

A familiar voice asks, I couldn’t understand but it seems very familiar, it was like a dejavu.

“If you couldn’t sleep at night because you keep thinking about him”

Giros replied.

“If you keep looking at him”

I remembered this line, this is what giro said on me when I asked him if how I could identify if I’m in love.

“If you were happy if he’s around you”

At this line I remembered Fred, yes! Giro was right. you were in love if you are happy when He’s around you.

“If you don’t know why do you like to be with him?”

It’s True! I do I like Fred? He’s very immature and sometimes rude.

“If your heart beats so fast when he’s closer to you”

Every time he’s around me I feel there’s a bouncing ball inside my chest.

“And lastly, when you feel comfortable and safe every time you hugged him”

This line realized me a lot, this is the answer why I’m in love with him because I’m very comfortable with him, comfortable to show what’s inside on my mind, comfortable to show who I am, and comfortable because I feel safe with him.

“And lastly, when you feel comfortable and safe every time you hugged him”

I quickly opened my eyes when I remembered what Giro told me, I found my self sitting on the chair besides of the bed of Fred, he’s lying on its bed and sleeping peacefully.

He’s pale face already changed and went back to normal, I turned my face at the window where the sun light came from.

I look up on my wrist watch and it’s already 1 PM in the afternoon.

I stood up and checked his forehead if he’s still burning up, and I guess he’s okay now and had a little fever.

I look up around and I noticed that I’m with Fred’s room, it’s pretty cool and with the royal blue on the wall, I saw a lot of pictures on the wall, but one thing caught my attention, and it’s their family picture.

I saw the messed that I made up, I remember last night How panicked I am, I heard a loud voice at the ground floor, maybe It’s Ken and Louie.

I go back to Fred and fix his comforter, apparently my heart beats so fast when I feel his hand holding my hand.

He’s looking at me straight in the eyes, I don’t know but I feel great seeing Fred awake.

He quickly moved away his eyes and slowly released my hand.

“I told you not to enter in this room”

He’s voice were husky and a little bit cracked, maybe because he’s sick.

“I’m sorry”

I just said, I don’t know where is that for, I just feel to say sorry for him.

This is the moment when I realized that everything is just a dream.

I couldn’t stop myself and chuckled a little bit, thinking that it was a dream. I feel so great because it wasn’t real.

And I couldn’t help myself if Fred’s get’s hurt because of me.

“Are you making fun on me?”

He said irritated.

“No sir”

I said and smile.

He just raised his eyebrow and rolled his eyes.

I chuckled again and turned around.

But before I left the room I heard him called me.

“Jano”

He called me deeply.

I turned to him and He was staring at me. Seriously

“Uhm. I – I don’t want you to uhm to... leave”

He shyly said and moves away his eyes.

“Please stay with me... I feel comfortable with you”

He continued.

“and... and...”

He said like he was hesitating.

“I.. uhm I feel like uhm... I like you”

He said then he quickly covered himself using his comforter like he was shy.

I laugh seeing him like this.

“Okay sir”

I just said.

But he couldn’t response so I step out from the room.

But before I closed the door I leave him a word.

“I like you too”

Then next thing happened I heard a loud noise from his room.

I just laugh because of his reactions.

“HE LIKES ME TOO WHAT THE FUCK!”

He shouted.

The End