DAY 13.2 – Pride

Jano’s Point of View

I slowly open the gate, I don’t want to bother Fred and I don’t know why I’m acting like this. I’m just assuming that his really affected but I’m just his house boy, maybe I just assuming it.

Based on his reaction I couldn’t stop thinking if I was right to make this decision. Maybe he didn’t just expect it.

I almost stunned when I saw Fred at the living room, looking at me with his serious face.

“Tss”

Then he turned back and went up to his room, I don’t know but for a second, I couldn’t breathe because of how he looks at me.

I went up to my room just to change my clothes, It’s already 4 o’clock in the afternoon and I decided not to come in my last subject, I’m just not in the mood so I went home early.

I lean my back on the bed and I sighed.

There’s something unusual on me, I feel like my energy drained and I don’t have much force to make something or to do something.

A minute later I heard a door bell rang. I look at to my window and I saw Fred opening the gate.

I saw the girl who kissed him on that night, He hugged her and laughing to each other, a minute later the bell rang again and I saw Ken entering at the gate with Cedric and Louie.

I don’t know if I had to go down or just let them.

After a minute of thinking I decided to went down in the living room, I saw them laughing to each other, It seems Fred were okay so I don’t have to feel worried about him.

They noticed me going down to the stairs so they stop talking, I feel embarrassed for a moment because it seems I caught their attention.

“Jano! Could you please bring some snack for us?”

Fred casually said, I’m looking at his eyes, and I don’t know what the meaning of his looks is.

Is he alright?

Is he not mad at me?

I just nodded at him then they’re starting to talk again and laugh each other.

I went down straight at the kitchen and look for what I could bring to them. I just made a sandwich for them and make a juice.

“Hello”

I heard a sweet voice from my back.

I turned myself to her and saw that girl smiling at me

“Oh! Hi!”

I response

“DO you want me to help?”

She asks.

For some reason, I feel like she’s nice, maybe because of the tone of her voice that actually fits to her angelic face? She’s pretty indeed.

“No I’m fine, you could join with them”

I nicely said.

“It seems like you’re not comfortable with me, so I guess I should have to bring it to them, I’m sorry”

She said.

“Oh! No, I’m, I just feel a little bit of awkward”

I said shyly.

She just gives me a nice smile and gets the sandwiches.

I’ll glance at Fred, who currently at the living room with them, but suddenly I was shocked when I see him staring at me, He looks serious and doesn’t have an emotion.

I just look at his eyes he’s staring at me, I’m pretty sure, I can see his eye’s looking in my eyes.

He take back his eyes when Ken approached him, He give him a smile and laugh like there’s nothing happened.

What’s wrong with him? Why is he looks serious staring at me? He looks mad at me.

I came to reality when I heard Louie’s voice.

“Are you alright/”

He asks me, I smile at him and nodded.

“Could you help me to prepare this?”

He asks.

He brought some beer and drinks, they had also pork and beef barbecue so.

I nodded at him and take the beer on the Fridge. I just make a marinated sauce for the pork and beef barbecue then put it on the stick, after that, I went at the backyard to prepare the grill, while Louie and Cedric started to put some table and chairs.

It’s already 6 O’clock when I started to grill the pork, they just ordered a pizza since I haven’t time to make a dinner.

“Hey are you alright?”

The girl asks me when he gets close to me.

“Yes! I’m fine”

I respond at her.

“I haven’t introduced myself I’m Jean, Fred’s...”

I don’t know but my mouth was automatically speak to it’s self.

“Girl, right?”

I saw her face like he didn’t expected that I knew.

“Ammm I---“

She couldn’t finish when someone’s arm put on her shoulder

I don’t know but my knees starting to break down, I feel like I’m losing my strength.

My heart beats fast and I can’t breathe properly.

He gets a piece of grilled pork and trying to feed Jean.

I saw Jean shocked like she didn’t expect to feed her, but she accepted it.

I moved away my eyes and focus on what I’m doing, I don’t know what I should feel but I couldn’t stand myself.

I feel like anything I will faint.

I see them in my peripheral vision, go back to the table. I feel relieved when they got away, but something strange in my eyes, water dropped at the griller and I don’t know where it came from.

I just find my self silently crying, maybe because of my eyes gets irritated on the smoke.

It’s already 7 ‘clock when I’m done here, I just serve it all and about to go inside, I just feel bad and I’m not in the mood.

“Cutie boy! Why don’t you sit here and join us”

Ken said, I’m about to refuse since I don’t want to bother Fred but Louie grab my hand and take me on the chair.

I really hate the ambiance here since I’m sitting in front of Fred and Jean while Cedric is on the left side of the table, Louie is my left and Ken is on my right.

“Here cutie boy, you haven’t eat yet”

Ken said while trying to feed me a piece of pizza.

“Ah! It’s okay”

I said while trying to get it on his hand but he insists.

I saw Fred looking at me in his cold face, I don’t know but I really can’t read his mind.

I don’t have a choice but to take a bite.

“Anyway, how old are you Jano?”

I heard Jean asking me.

“I’m 20”

I shortly said, I started to feel awkward since they started to grill me like pork.

“Hey kid! Why don’t you have a drink?”

Ken said when he noticed Louie doesn’t drink.

Louie gives him a glared and gets a glass of beer.

“Hey! Ced, C’mon let’s be fair!”

Louie said before he drinks.

We just having a drink and it I feel like my head is turning red, I glanced at freed and he’s been staring at me since when I sat here.

He make’s me uncomfortable.

“Believe me, when a guy cried for women he’s fucking serious with their relationships, Trust me!”

Louie said, I was really shocked because he’s been like that when he done by a couple of glass.

“Psh! Impossible, No man could cry for a girl!”

And Cedric too, I was really amazed because this is the first time that I heard Cedric talking more than 3 words.

Maybe they really don’t drink.

While Ken keeps laughing because of them, seriously, I would like to laugh too, because seeing them like a different person.

But Apparently I can’t laugh because of the awkwardness.

“Nope! Still there’s a guy who always wants to had a good and serious relationships”

I looked at the person who speaks and it’s Fred looking at his glass wearing his cold face.

Everyone become silence when we heard hi. His voice is crack and deep, I feel his sadness, now I can say that his eyes were full of sad.

Maybe, it’s because of Jonas.

“I don’t think so. They just want to fill their needs”

A familiar voice from nowhere, and then I just found out that they were all looking at me.

Fuck! Did I say that?

“How could you say?”

A cold voice from Fred, I look at him and he’s eyes were staring at me.

Fuck! Did I really say that? How come? I’m not aware of it!

“Uhm.. Be-because...”

I couldn’t finish my self when he started to speaks again.

“Because they brought some girls and flirting with them, does it mean they don’t want to have a serious relationship?”

His face was serious and everyone is silence like they’re waiting for the next thing will happen.

“Y-yeah!”

I just said

“Tss. So meaning to say I don’t have rights to be with someone?”

I feel the tension around here and it’s really awkward, I feel like I want to run away and get out of this.

“Maybe because you don’t care about the people around you”

I look at his eyes. Maybe he didn’t expect me to talk like this.

“Ahmm I t...”

Jean trying to break the tension but, my mouth can’t stop, and I don’t know maybe because of the alcohol, I couldn’t stop my self.

“Or maybe you just want to avoid them because you just playing around”

My heart starting to beat so fast, I don’t know maybe because I drink a lot of beer and I couldn’t stop my mouth.

“Am I?”

He shortly said.

“Yes! You are!”

I calmly said.

“Ahhm Hey! I think we need to buy a lot of beer right?”

Ken breaks the tension.

I drink my glass straights while glancing at him, His eyes was unexplainable I saw his grip on his glass It was like stopping himself to don’t make any moves. Maybe I’m too much and being emotional.

“Okay! Cutie boy, let’s go to the convenience store to buy more drinks.”

Ken said then holds my shoulder to get me up.

I stand in my sit and I feel a little bit of dizziness but I guess I can handle myself to walk.

We’re about to gone out when someone grabbed my hand and pulled me.

“We’ll buy a drink for us!”

Fred coldly said while pulling me out to the gate.

I feel his grip around on my wrist. It’s too tight and its hurts

I pulled my arms a moment when we got far away from the house.

“Hey! Stop! It’s hurt!”

I complained.

He stopped and turned around, I see his mad expressions, I don’t know why maybe because I hit him in his bull’s eye earlier.

“Do you think I’m just fooling around?”

He strongly said.

I don’t know but seeing Fred like this make me scared. I couldn’t speak like my tongue stuck in my mouth.

“Okay fine! Get out on my house, I don’t care what ever you wanted, what ever your reason or whatever your fucking feelings!”

He loudly said.

I can see his body were shaking because he’s furious.

“I WANT YOU JANO!”

He shouted, My heart almost skipped a beat because of that, He’s eyes were change into pain, He want me? Or I’m just having a hallucination because this is what I want to hear from him?

He moves his eyes away from me and takes a deep breath.

“I- w-wa..”

I couldn’t finish my self when he continued.

“I want you to get out of my life!”

He whispered, then walk across me, everything were became silence and I can only heard my heart beat and it was beating too slowly, a loud slow beat from my heart.

I feel the wind blows, it’s freaking cold, I couldn’t expect it, and maybe I’m right! I’m just hallucinating. I heard his car started, and drove fast.

“Hey! Is it Fred?” I heard Jean when she went out.

“Holy fuck! What happened?” Ken said.

I went back at the house. What should I feel? Am I disappointed? Maybe!

“I want you to get out of my life!”

Then tears flows down to my face.