Chapter 18

"I don't care about your money any longer, Madam. I only care about my sister's safety. We can earn a lot of money but that cannot bring my sister or her happiness once lost," retorted Varun, unable to believe that Namita was still the one supporting pregnancy between Arjun and Jyotsna.

"I am only saying this because it will help your sister as well. You might think I am evilness personified but I work for healthcare and I know what can cause more harm than having another pregnancy - not having it, especially when such attachment has grown," claimed Namita, her cheeks flushed with embarrassment that no one supported her and she did not allow the tears pooling in her eyes to drop.

"Seriously? It does not..."

Jyotsna cut Varun across with her palm signing him to stop and rose up from her bed in a defiant move against her deteriorated health, but her body could not muster the strength which her mind and emotions possessed. She felt her knees giving away but before she actually fell, Arjun who was nearest to her side, caught her in his muscular grip, making her look into his eyes with a piercing gaze, threatening to mold in the form she wished.

"You have stopped me from falling onto the floor, but can you stop me from falling into depression, Mr. Ranawat? From falling into the vortex of darkness from which I would know no escape," she questioned, the shaky whisper of hers shaking the very crux of his existence.

"Jyotsna..." he began, only to be stopped by her struggle to take her former position which he respectfully agreed to.

"You have always thought about your own wishes always. I had no wish to enter this surrogacy contract but I was forced to by my brother, there was no wish of mine when Namita Ranawat asked me to spend a night with her brother, there was no part of my body, mind or soul which wished for this miscarriage. Can't a single thing take place with my wish? Mr. Ranawat's wish to not get married can get fulfilled but mine cannot be. Heights of hypocrisy," she lashed out as everyone had the humility to hang their heads in shame.

"Jyotsna..." began Varun and Namita together making Arjun look up at them with fury floating in his chocolate orbs.

"Out both of you! NOW!" he ordered, and neither of the two addressed had the courage to stand up against Arjun Ranawat at his furious best.

"Jyotsna, I completely understand your sense of loss. A child is irreplaceable but even death is irreversible. You should move on," he advised, taking a seat beside her and holding her hand in his affectionately, all signs of anger erased.

Jyotsna detached her hand from his grip, and it moved northwards much to his surprise.

"Your sister was right and even now she is right. Only if we had never taken that second opinion, our child would have been alive. My baby left because of the reason which your sister had advised us against. And now she says that it is in the best interest of all of us that we have another baby. Why don't we try for another?" she said, pulling her veil away from her body much to his surprise but he quickly held her hand and stopped her.

"What are you doing, Jyotsna? This is not you," he whispered, unable to believe that her guilt was so strong that it overtook her morals and self-respect.

"Am I not beautiful enough, Mr. Ranawat? I know you would have seen much more beautiful models than me but..."

Arjun placed his finger on his own lips to stop her from talking.

"You are one of the most beautiful women I have ever met, Jyotsna. Because your inner beauty radiates through you," he answered, carefully bringing out the injection of sedative the doctor had given to him to be used when she has anxiety attacks. He knew that it was not an anxiety attack but he did not have it in him to see her so depressed and not fulfill her wish when it was not in her hands but he was also aware that if something truly happens between them she would regret it more than him.

"Then why do you refuse me? I can do anything to get my child back," she said with innocence of a child, unknown to the mildly stinging pain of the injection. It was not long before Jyotsna collapsed against Arjun, her ear resting against his racing heart, which he had not known existed before Jyotsna entered his life.

"I am sorry, Jyotsna. I truly am. Forgive me if you can," he requested, adjusting her position for a more comfortable sleeping as he moved on to reach out to the person whom he needed - psychologist.

________________________________________________________________

Hospital,

"It is very common for women to be diagnosed with depression and guilt after their miscarriage, Mr. Ranawat. The hormones in the body, the brain chemistry, the anatomy and general feel of the body changes after a miscarriage, sometimes more than a complete pregnancy. You have mentioned that she has lost her parents at a young age and had to enter this surrogacy contract by emotional blackmail by her brother. It could be a reason too. She might have suffered from loneliness for so long that she grew attached to the only one she could truly call as hers - her baby and it is bound to hurt her more than usual," explained the psychologist Nisha.

"What do you suggest I do? She wants to have another child, but I also know that neither my family nor she herself would agree to take her child with herself. I don't think I am strong enough to allow my child to be with someone else forever, even if it is the mother herself. I don't want to marry her when I abhor the very idea of it and subject her to pain. Just to thwart her pain now, is it right to give her pain later in her life?" he questioned, reminiscing the way Jyotsna had moved to disrobe herself in her weak attempt to seduce him.

She neither wanted him nor sought carnal pleasure and it was possibly for the same reason that the event caused such a great impact on him.

"Normally we don't tend to give advice without meeting the patient but as far as you have confided in me, I feel what she truly craves is having a choice and someone to call as hers. She would be getting both if you decide to have a child. I think you should accept her request, Mr. Ranawat. I know it would be difficult for everyone when the gestation period ends but I am sure you would be open enough to give her choice, something she truly craved, according to me," she answered, sighing deeply knowing that what she was suggesting might not be quite ethical but she was also aware that someone who did not have a choice ever in her life, be it in her career or her personal life, choice could just be the key to her salvation and could bring her out of depression.